Wicket Wystri Warrick
| |
| Wicket W. Warrick | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
Unknown |
| Died |
Unknown |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Height |
0.666^4/2.14(x - 3/2y) meters |
| Hair color |
Brown |
| Chronological and political information | |
- "Go weave a basket, woman!"
- ―Wicket
Wicket W. Warrick was an Ewok on the forest moon of Endor. Wicket lived in a village 50 meters above the ground, except for when he lived in a village on the ground floor. As a child, Wicket played with his friends Teebo and Kneesaa, the latter of whom he would sometimes play Ewok Medicine Man with. Wicket also hung around Latara sometimes, but only on occasion. In fact, he didn't really get along well with her. She was just kinda there... except for that one time he traveled deep into the forest through the snow just to find some berries to save her life. Other than that, he didn't really like her that much.
At one point, Wicket became the apprentice of the shaman Logray. However, Wicket kinda sucked at that, and Logray got kinda pissed off that Wicket was telling people about his little "Dark Arts" stuff he would do on the side. Or then again... maybe that was later, and Wicket and Logray got along just fine at this point. Some stupid historians seem to mess this part up. Anyway...
One night in Bright Tree Village, the Night Spirit came about while the Ewoks slept. He turned Wicket into a rude, selfish, pompous ass. He also cast a spell on Wicket's voice and replaced his orange hoodie with a green one. The same night, the Spirit turned Teebo into a bumbling doofus and Latara into a skanky ho. (Kneesaa got off pretty easy, though. She just sounded a little squeakier.) Wicket started acting like a jerk all the time, blah blah warrior blah... until one day, the girls got fed up and decide to go chill (hehe, chill) with the Snow King over at the Snow Palace. They started to rather like it there, so much so that they decided to stay for a few years, all the while Wicket turned nice again, got a new hood, met a marooned family of humans called the Towanis, started to learn Basic, stayed with Cindel Towani after her family got PWNED, moved in at Noa's (and Teek's) hut, battled the Marauders while helping Noa and Cindel get off the planet, forgot Basic, saw an AT-ST fall over in the woods, met a hot chick, convinced the tribe to help her friends fight the Empire, pwned some scout troopers, was promoted to Lead Warrior, and left his home to move into a crashed AT-ST.
Then sometime, when Odra pulled that whole "revenge" thing at the Snow Palace, the girls returned to the village, only one day after Chief Chirpa had been eaten by an Ogre. Wicket immediately asked Kneesaa to marry him, and she said yes, and then they got hitched and co-ruled the village together and lived happily ever after and had lots of little woklings. The end.......for now.
One day the Jedi Exile got bored and decided to land on Endor. She walked into the village, seeing them all running about, and decided she would play a nice game of kill the Ewok. She killed everyone in the village, and finally sliced down Wicket. Kreia got upset about this, and began to lecture the Exile. Canderous Ordo finally got sick of the old hags complaining gave her a nasty vibroblade scar across her face.
This would later be used in Canderous Ordo's election campaign known as Canderous Ordo is your Speeder Bike.
