Vergere

Vergere
Biographical information
Homeworld	Coruscant. Earth. Born in outer space. Ossus. Another galaxy. None of the above.
Born	100 BBY. 90 BBY. 900 BBY. Yesterday. None of the above.
Died	28 ABY, at Ebaq 9. Really. We have witnesses.
Physical description
Species	Fosh
Gender	Female
Height	1.27 meters (But what is a measurement? Compared against what? For those who have seen the inner workings of the electron, what is a meter?)
Hair color	None. Pretty feathers.
Eye color	Red
Personal shit
Chronological and political information
Era(s)	Rise of the Empire era Disappeared for a while New Jedi Order era
Affiliation	Jedi Order Galactic Republic Yuuzhan Vong Sith Betrayers R Us Betrayers of Betrayers R Us
Known apprentices	Lumiya Jacen Solo

[Source]

"Everything I tell you is a lie. Except for that. That was true. Or is that a paradox? And what is a paradox? It’s certainly not the dark side. Because that doesn’t exist. Er. Look, I’m a pink chicken! Dude!"

―Vergere, on Life, the Universe and Everything

Vergere contained epic failure! She may or may not possibly have ever been a Sith, or a Jedi, or both or neither, at any point in time in this or any known, unknown or theoretical dimension. The only solid fact thus far ascertained about this frakkin' retarded enigmatically mysterious being was that she was, in fact, a pink chicken. Colonel Jacen Solo fried her. There is, presumably, a highly obvious correlation to be made using three points from the previous sentence, though this writer's head is currently hurting because he has tried to work out just what in Chaos Vergere was on about.

Biography

Early Life

"A Jedi Knight you are. Now the hell out of here you get!!!!!!"

―Yoda

Vergere's life started out quite normally, really. She trained at the Jedi Temple for a while until she was promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight. Yoda gave her this rank simply to get rid of her, as she was thoroughly confusing other young Jedi with her pseudo-psychobabble. She then decided to go to Zonama Sekot, this living planet out in the middle of nowhere. That is, she said it was living (how the hell can a planet be alive?). She was probably making shit up. There she was captured by the Yuuzhan Vong and threatened with execution, but managed to save herself by rambling on and on about various stuff until they left her alone. She was held captive for fifty years. Or decades. Or seconds. Whatever.

Vergere's Debut

Vergere pretended to surrender to the New Republic after the Yuuzhan Vong invaded the galaxy. However, as usual, she was just messing with people's heads. She gave Mara Jade Skywalker an antidote (concocted from her own urine) so she would live to be hot for some more years, then went back to the Vong. God only knows why, but everybody's afraid to ask Him.

Rendezvous with Destiny

"I'm starvin'! I'm gonna have me some pink chicken!"

―Jacen Solo

After helping the Vong take Coruscant (even though she was good, yeah she was...maybe?) Vergere ran into the Solo kids and various insignificant, expendable Jedi on the world of Myrkr. She helped them accomplish their mission, but then kidnapped Jacen Solo. Knowing the young Jedi was already seriously confused about the role of his life in the Force and some other shit, she drove him to insanity by placing him in the Vong tickle torture. While he was unconscious, she played with his bird (ha!). Then she taught him some Sith stuff. This would prove to be kinda sorta bad for the galaxy, because when Jacen became Colonel Solo, it meant that because he was a Solo, he had power over everybody, including the Admirals and Senators and people.

Death (or was it????)

Vergere went back to the New Republic, but then when Jacen got himself into trouble, used her ship as a kamikaze to save his life. How heroic! She would appear to him many times as a "Force ghost", but she was probably still alive because when Jacen finally got sick of listening to her and fried her, she was seriously fried. But even after that, she probably wasn't really dead.

It is speculated that Vergere was not a Fosh, but rather a rabid parakeet.

Appearances

• Dante's Divine Comedy