Template:Recentnews/archive

• Separatist Crisis Escalates to War? Rumors abound about the strange white-armored soldiers seen on Coruscant.

• Elderly woman destroys famous fresco of Gonk; botched restoration project (pictured) angers the Church of G*nk.

• Victory and Murder on Coruscant! Planet avoids destruction, but many Pavan's die in the aftermath. Oh, and Count Dooku kicks the bucket in this tell-all expose by our reporter in the front lines, Arsonius T. Xenophasis!

• Victory on Christophsis! The Republic is victorious over Separatists despite Jedi being on our side.

• Traitor on Christophsis! A traitor has been revealed on Christophsis, who is it?

• News From Christophsis! Jedi and Republic forces have engaged Separatists on Christophsis.

• War Confirmed! The Galactic Republic hasn't had a war in a thousand years. It's about damn time.

• Adalric Cessius Brandl the biological father of Imperial secretary!; bastard child (pictured with father) causes scandal.

• Karohalva one-ups all other reporters; Cornelius Evazan meets end with one final gesture.

• WE GOT HER! Bothan Herald Special Report on the killing of Asajj Ventress.

• HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ADMINISTRATOR?

• Darthipedia's sister-site Wookieepedia celebrates fifth anniversary; people expected to actually care.

• Gonk returns, to ask for your money.

• Lance Ithor gives up! Lance Ithor gives up as thieves constantly steal his name placard

• NASA announces moon bombing; project spearheaded by Han Solo.

• Disney buys rights to Star Wars; Darthipedia characters celebrate their new canonical status.

• G*nk is sighted at K-Mart buying toilet paper with Elvis and JFK!

• Nadyax Pavanman has her 582,797,754th child.

• Emperor Palpatine apologizes profusely to Nuknog radio host Slybaugh Limrush after claiming that "nobody knows more about being a Sith than me, including that Limrush guy."

• The ongoing galactic financial crisis inspires Mace Windu to suicide by leaping from an open window on Coruscant.

• Perennial third-party candidate Jax Pavan received 582,797,753 electoral votes in this year's Coruscant gubernatorial election, resulting in his unexpected defeat by Jax Pavan.

• The starship Malevolence is renamed Happy Freedom Sunshine Ship after testing badly among Separatist focus groups.

• Darth Ipedia is foiled in his sinister plot to destroy all wikis.

• Darthipedia's regular users Bombed the G*nk out of 500 random planets this day to celebrate their birthday.

• JediGear Inc.-brand Action Backpacks manufactured on Druckenwell have been recalled due to their inability to withstand the weight of huttlets.

• Apparently some dumbass gave Anakin Skywalker a padawan, named No Soup-a With-a Buffet. She evidently was not important enough to merit mention in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, but you're going to buy her merchandise anyway, according to Lucasfilm representatives.

• Yahoo have launched a blatant copy of Wookieepedia wiki-esque Star Wars website, complete with highly informative forums and links to the ever law-abiding YouTube.

• Anthony Daniels has been officially cast as C-3PO, R2-D2, HK-999, and Anakin Skywalker in the upcoming Star Wars animated TV series.

• The Energizer Bunny, the one-time rival of Darth Vader, was arrested in his home; he is charged with battery.

• The Original Trilogy has been deemed non-canon.

• Yoda and Vandar Tokare have been retconned into one character, known as Vanda Yodokare.

• At Celebration Europe, someone said that Lucasfilm hopes to produce as many as 4 episodes of the Star Wars live-action TV series.

• Mickey Suttle has been signed by LFL to write a series of books, the first of which is to be called Kaja Sinis and the Goblet of Fire.