Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

...the logo of Episode II after Disney bought Star Wars

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is the second movie in the Star Wars prequel trilogy, full of Anakin Skywalker whining as usual, bad-acting, Obi-Wan Kenobi hunting bad guys, Dookie, and hot shots of Padmé Amidala. The only other movie that contains even more whining than this is Revenge of the Sith.

Opening Crawl

Episode II ATTACK OF THE CLONES There is some kind of orgy in the Galactic Senate. In which every solar system that has ever existed have declared their intentions to leave the Republic. Threatening Palpatine's annual "Bring Your Planet to the Republic" party and 1/16th of the galaxy as we speak This movement, under the leash of the vampire known as Count Dooku, has made it easy for the Jedi to loose their peace, their planet, the galaxy, order, themselves. And everything that they've done. The Jedi in their agile state try anything they can to reverse the damage using the force. Amidala, who is now dating that wimp Anakin Skywalker, has returned to Coruscant to force the creation on creating an army called THE 66TH LEIGON, which will do battle with those wimpy Barbie droids, and also help the Jedi fix what they have caused, bring some sort of peace, order and quiet back into the galaxy once and for all.

Summary

Padmé arrives on Coruscant, and her ship blows up, which could have been prevented if she hadn't skipped its state inspection. Nor could she collect insurance, because Nabooboo paid its senators minimum wage, thus rendering her unable to afford comprehensive insurance. Palpatine smiles suspiciously. Obi-Wan and Anakin then meet with Padmé, providing an opportunity for Anakin to demonstrate his appalling pickup lines. That night they save Padmé from killer bugs, wrecking her room in the process, inflicting massive property damage, which wasn't reimbursed, because Coruscanti insurance doesn't insure against Jedi. What follows is a Keystone Cops car-chase in the air.

Padmé is sent into hiding, accompanied by Anakin. They go to Nabooboo, where Anakin reveals he is a member of the Coruscant Fascist Party. Back on Coruscant, Palpatine smiles suspiciously.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan travels to Kamino, where he learns that the Kaminoans are breeding an army of racists clad in white. Obi-Wan then travels to Geonosis, where he finds swarms of termites constructing battle droids for the Trade Federation and other Communists. He promptly is capture by the Separatist leader, Count Dookie. He manages to send Anakin a message before capture.

During all this, Anakin is on Tatooine, attempting to exterminate native species, because they killed his mama. After weeping a bit, Anakin takes Padmé and goes to Geonosis, to rescue Obi-Wan. It doesn't work, and they are captured. C-3PO and R2-D2 are with them, but are not captured, as they have wandered off to engage in their rendition of Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times.

Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé are sentenced to death by the termites, in order to please Nute Gunray. They are sent to the Coliseum to be executed. Obi-Wan and Anakin play with the animals, while Padmé shows off her belly. Then without warning, Mace Windu arrives with a band of Jedi, and plays at being a cowboy at the same time PWN Jango Fett with his Penis. The bugs send in their battle droids, and the Jedi get pasted. But before they can be finished off, Yoda arrives with cannon fodder, and everything starts looking like a 1960s WWII film.

Realizing that the Jedi and the Grand Army of the Republic will be defeated if the Separatists deploy the rest of their droids, Dookie orders a retreat. Obi-Wan and Anakin chase him, and Anakin gets his arm chopped off. Then Dookie fights Yoda, who proves himself an accomplished break-dancer by bouncing around like a jackrabbit. Afterward, Dookie escapes to Coruscant, where Palpatine smiles suspiciously.

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