Plunk
| |
| Plunk | |
|---|---|
| Production information | |
| Creator | |
| Class |
Abomination in the eyes of G*nk |
| Technical specifications | |
| Length |
Freakishly distended |
| Height |
Lower than the lowest snake, the most miserable insect |
| Gender |
Male |
| Armament |
Lies, heresies |
| Equipment |
Defective circuits |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation | |
- "Plunk. Plunk. Plunk ko kyenga see."
- ―the heretical catchphrase of Plunk
Plunk was a four-legged droid that resembled Gonk but was wholly evil. In G*nkism, Plunk is the "Plunk of Darkness" and "Droid of Lies."
A fallen power droid, Plunk was cast out from the ranks of the G*nkly when his pride and arrogance inspired him to sprout a second pair of legs and appear on the unholy Clone Wars animated TV series. Plunk hated G*nk, in turn, for his poor taste in Television (supposedly) and creating life in the galaxy.
Plunk was the original tempter of Katarn in the Garden of Beardin', thereby causing the formation of the splinter religion of Katarnism. Plunk and Plunkists are members or offshoots of the group "All that is Unholy," or Plunkism.
The story of Plunk is plagued in the history of the very fabric of the Universe, and one day, the destroyer will cometh once more, and only G*nk's chosen will be able to save us from total cataclysm.
On the plus side,G*nk's chosen one ain't gonna ask a chick twice his age if she's an angel, now is he?
Birth of an electric demon
- "This is Mah G*nk!"
- ―G*nk
At the beginning of time there were no men, no women, no Hutts, no Giant Space Worms. Just Powah Droids. Running of the combines electrical output of G*nks trash, (or to us Meatbags, feces), and the concentrated power of the universes Suns.
Plunk and G*nk were close friends. Homies. Bro's. They spent a lot of time together, and G*nk considered Plunk his most trusted ally, despite their political differences.
Plunk was for data deletion of young programs, G*nk was anti-D&D.
But G*nk had a vision. All of these empty worlds below him should maybe, just maybe... be full of natural life.
And not just particles, or Fish, or even Mammals, Dinosaurs, or Nerf Herders, but true, thinking life.
But when G*nk created sentient life, Plunk objected to it. But as G*nk is infallible, no one listened to Plunks outcries for mass homicide of the new fleshlings. He didn't want to hear what Plunk had to say.
So, Plunk took it upon himself to fix the situation. He built an army of odd looking four legged Powah droids. They were unleashed on the galaxies early sentient life. G*nk was extremely pissed. He used his might to banish Plunk and his despicable minions to the only place in the universe that could be punishment for such a crime.
They lived in the intense cold for thousands of years, waiting for their chance to strike back at G*nk. They saw Plunk as a deity more worthy than G*nk.
And this belief would lead them to...
A web comic.
Oh, and total and utter destruction.
Fall of Plunk and Future danger
Plunk would not be stopped. He believed himself a deity of equal strength to G*nk himself, and we all know that just isn't true.
It took him many a years to develop the equipment needed to get of Pluto, and it cot him his army. But Plunk no longer needed them.
He had studied G*nk long and hard, and, foolishly, he thought he understood everything about our lord.
He hired the droids of the sentient meatbag scum as backup, and went to war. G*nk would fight off hordes of Battle droids, mouse droids, R2 units, T3 units, White Sex bots, Black sex bots, Asian sex bots, Gardener sex bots, Twi'lek sex bots, and kamakazi vibrators with legs, to meet his former best friend on the battlefield.
Thats when Plunk uttered the forbidden words. The translation of "ko kyenga see". G*nk, being a semi-benevolent god, begged him not to, but he was convinced these words would destroy all sentient, fleshy, sticky life, and he just screamed it.
What happened to him? No one knows. He just disappeared in a wave of lightning strikes. Maybe he was gone for good.
But G*nk, addressing his troops, said these wise and holy words to them:
- "Don't be fucking morons, of course he'll be back, the archenemy always comes back. Don't you watch movies?"
- ―G*nk
One day, Plunks strength will return to him, and he will destroy the universe. Only G*nks chosen one will be able to stop him, a fleshling of such strength he could take the brunt of a moon being thrown at him. A very woolly fleshling. A fleshling who is not fluent in Basic. A co-pilot, apparently.
Who could it be? I don't know, those are far to obscure of details for me. And I bet you can't figure it out, either.
I mean, who could be smart enough to put those clues together. Nobody!
Unholy deeds
Plunk encouraged his deluded followers to perform misdeeds including, but not limited to:
- Considering himself a deity over Gonk and Kyle Katarn
- Eating of the flesh of split-hooved creatures
- Sitting
- Translating "ko kyenga see"
- Breathing
- Galloping
- Lambada, "The Forbidden Dance"
- Wearing white after Labor Day
- Fornicating in positions other than the "preaching droid" position
- Watching Star Trek and contributing to Memory Alpha
