Nimrod Anthill
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| Nimrod "The Duro One" Anthill | |
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- "One must have relentless will and dedication to their cause."
- ―Nimrod Anthill[src]
Nimrod Anthill, temporarily known as Darth Duro, was some Jedi douche who once watched "2girls1cup" and was traumatized. Very little is known about his origin, although historians have speculated he was born in Egypt near the Mary Suez canal. He had a wife (LOLZ) and kid throughout the time he fought the Galactic Empire. He was also the only known wielder of the infamous Carrot Saber. He actually started out as a Fanboy, but after some Fandalorians gave him a "Wookiee-Cookie" he turned to the dark side and trained under the Wookiee-Nookie Monster. It is rumored that after they trained together, they either dueled to the death or had relations.
Biography
The early suffering
Nimrod Anthill was born on the planet Dumbtooine, but some speculate he was actually born at some place named Egypt, at the Mary Suez canal.[1] Nobody knows for sure or actually gives a crap, though. Anyway, he immediately saw Star Wars and was amazed at it's uber-coolness. He started collecting absolutely everything, from lightsabers to fake pr0n of Padmé Amidala. When Celebration IV came about, he went and really enjoyed his time there until he ran into a group of Fandalorians. They invited him over for some "fun" and promised him a "nice collection" of action figures. He fell for it and was PWN3D, and multiple times too, by Fandalore himself.[2]
After being trapped, Nimrod was taken into a room with only a Windows computer that had Shiternet Exploder open. Even though that was traumatizing enough for him, the Fandalorians continued their torture of Nimrod by opening up a website and playing the famous and critically-acclaimed "2girls1cup" video, the act of bitches eating Poop Burritos traumatizing him. After that, he was finally let go, but only after one final Wookiee-Nookie.[2]
The ultimate training (or Wookiee-Nookie)
Following his torture, Nimrod headed home and cried to his mommy. She slapped him around a bit and then told him of a master he should meet and train under. Nimrod thought she meant that freaky ol' frog Yoda, but she was just fucking with him and actually meant the Wookiee-Nookie Monster. Nimrod unwillingly complied and visited the fuzzy blue monstah at his home on the shitworld of Dagobah. When he arrived, the monstah threatened to PWN him with some Wookiee-Nookie, which led to a duel between the two. In an alarming ending, Nimrod actually defeated the monstah and killed him in the process. Following this, he realized he was screwed, since he hadn't trained one bit. Nice going, Nimrod.[2]
What Nimrod didn't actually know was that the Wookiee-Nookie Monster did have some last words, saying only that he had succeeded in turning the Dumbtooninian to the Dark Side. Nimrod had no idea what he meant, so he ransacked the monstah's home instead and took his most prized possession: a ripe carrot. Using this carrot and a lightsaber crystal, he built his very own lightsaber and the first ever Carrot Saber. He pretended to train with the monstah every time his mom called to check up on him, using the monstah's rotting corpse as proof. She never thought any different, of course, because she's from Dumbtooine after all.[2]
Fortunately for the Nimrod, he was able to find some Dagobah Green after he had ransacked the Wookiee-Nookie monster's home, since spending time with a skeletal system could get boring at times. Not all the time, though. Spacing out, he fell asleep after puffing on the sticky-icky-ooey-gooey and had an awesome dream, which was actually a drug trip. In it, he realized the power the Dark Side possessed after all and decided to become one with its powah, as the monstah had always intended. Nimrod began experimenting with many Force powers, even buying the uber-rare packaging of the Force with kung-fu grip. He eventually discovered the awesomeness that is Force lightning, too, much to his amazement. Unfortunately for Nimrod, living on the edge turned him into a graying, cracked-skin chump. For now.[2]
Living Duro (Huttese for Hard)
- "IT DON'T GET ANY HARDER THAN THIS, YO!"
- ―Darth
GoodwoodDuro[src]
Nimrod Anthill eventually joined the Sith and took up the name Darth Hard, but some bitches complained about it so he translated it to Spanish Huttese, as Darth Duro. He was so Hard, that he totally gave Darth Elmo what he had coming.[3]
Death
- "It was just an alternate ending!"
- ―Nimrod Anthill at the brink of death after being defeated by Darth Clone
He was completely PWN3D by Darth Clone because he killed Darth Elmo, even though it was technically only an alternate ending.
Behind the scenes
This douche was written about at the Star Wars Non-sense Wiki, which, for the record, is not better than Darthipedia. Say so, and you're fucking dead.
Jesus actually came up with his name, although it took some "persuasion" from some fanboy for him to do "it."
Appearances
- Confessions of the Fanboy: Living Duro (First appearance)
Sources
- That book I can't remember the name of or find, but it's definitely in there so if you remove the info again I will have you banned (Possible appearance, I can't remember)
Notes and references
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Madclaw! sez so, cretin! Do not defy or thy wikifarm shall be destroyed!
- ↑ 2.00 2.01 2.02 2.03 2.04 2.05 2.06 2.07 2.08 2.09 2.10 2.11 2.12 Confessions of the Fanboy: Living Duro
- ↑ That book I can't remember the name of or find, but it's definitely in there so if you remove the info again I will have you banned (maybe, I can't really remember)
