Miss Piggy
| |
| Miss Piggy | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Hair color |
Blonde |
| Cybernetics |
Artificial cloven hoof |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation |
|
Miss Piggy, born Pigarela Porkington, was a Pig-Gamorrean hybrid from Gamorr. Outcast by society for being a hybrid, Piggy was left on the streets of Mos Eisley for many years. While on the streets, Miss Piggy went through many jobs including being a stripper at the cheap strip-club, "Swine Time: XXX". It was at this point where she met the wealthy Darth Paxil, who instantly fell in love with the hormonal hog and agreed to marry her. Instantly diving into the good life, Miss Piggy's fun came to an abrupt halt after Paxil died only fourteen minutes later due to some dysfunction, sending the pig into years of court being blamed for the murder of Paxil.
Several years later, Piggy's time in court had ended and the pig finally got the wealth she deserved, inheriting all of Paxil's fortunes including the title of Gamorrean Queen of Tatooine. She was also able to a meet a handsome young frog, as well by the name of Kermit. Fresh out of Sesame Street, young Kermit had escaped the wrath of Darth Elmo by traveling to Tatooine and incorrectly landing in a no-dock zone, forcing Piggy's guards to bring the frog in for trial. Miss Piggy couldn't get her hormones in check, soon falling in love with Kermit, beating the shit out of him and making him her love slave. Kermit found himself feeling the same attraction and the two hit it off. However, their love was not meant to be as Kermit's bodyguard, Gonzo was secretly in love with the queen, hiring the bloodthirsty HK-47 to brutally PWN Kermit not long after the frog and pig's marriage. Kermit became one with the Force as the Gamorrean Queen "killed" Kermit's bodyguard. Heartbroken, she turned to Darth Darth Binks to impregnate her, resulting in the conception of Piggy's one and only child, Piglet.
However, this was not the last she saw of Binks. While shopping online one day, the Sith Mega-Super-Overlord returned demanding that he take Piglet as his apprentice. In an unwise move, Miss Piggy did not agree, resulting in the death of the queen. Fortunately, though, she did turn out to be delicious on toast with eggs and cheese.
Biography
Early life
- "I don't have a child."
- ―Link Hogthrob
Born to Link Hogthrob and Voort saBinring, Miss Piggy had a difficult life growing up. Molested Picked on by every member of her homeworld Gamorr, Piggy left the world and traveled to Tatooine in hopes of having a better life. She never received that life, unfortunately, living on the cruel streets of Mos Eisley going from job to job. However, while working at a Burrito King as a mascot, the pig was offered a job at the "Swine Time: XXX" strip-club as the opening act.
Marriage
Taking the offer, Piggy found herself in a world of pain as she was often booed off-stage for not being "full pig". While she made little money at first, her life changed as the infamous and wealthy Darth Paxil became a regular at the club, a Sith Lord who would make requests to Piggy that were usually horrifying. Like for instance, Paxil had this school-girl fantasy. But Miss Piggy just didn't feel right sleeping with a man dressed up as a school-girl. Still, Paxil offered Miss Piggy his hand in marriage, which the pig gladly accepted, knowing that she would soon become the richest woman on Tatooine. Fourteen minutes after marriage, Darth Paxil keeled over due to a dysfunction. However, Tatooine officials doubted his dysfunction and falsely blamed Piggy for his death.
Meeting the love of her life
Several years after her arrest, Piggy's time in court had ended, making her a free hog. She was also able to fully inherit all of Darth Paxil's fortunes, including money, jewelry and the title of Gamorrean Queen. Miss Piggy was never happier. While working on her tan one day, the queen was informed that a violator had incorrectly landed in a no-dock zone, infuriating the woman.
However, upon meeting the violator, her thoughts on the Jedi frog immediately changed. Kermit had just barely escaped death at the hands of Darth Elmo when he was able to make it out of Sesame Street's clutches alive, traveling to Tatooine. Not able to get her hormones in check, Miss Piggy pounded the shit out of Kermit and made the frog her love-slave. Kermit also felt the same about his master and the two soon hit it off. Piggy instructed Kermit to hire his own personal bodyguard, which he did; Gonzo. Every day, Piggy fell more in love with Kermit, which led to the marriage of the two. However, little did Kermit and Piggy know, Gonzo was also in love with the Gamorrean Queen and secretly plotted to have her as his own.
Trouble from Darth Elmo
Kermit and Piggy's fears came to life as Lord Elmo finally caught up with the frog. The Sith Lord sent his secret apprentice, Darth Animal to kill Kermit. Animal arrived on Tatooine as Darth Elmo secretly watched a battle erupt. Kermit and Piggy anticipated Animal's attack, deploying dozens of Piggy's guards to exterminate the Madclaw! Sith apprentice. Their plan failed as Darth Animal killed the entire group.
Kermit was next to battle the Madclaw! The frog proved a difficult enemy though, using his frog abilities and his Ataru skills to dodge Darth Animal's attacks. In a last attempt, Darth Animal used all of his Force powers to PWN his green opponent with Force pwn. Lucky for Kermit, he was so thin that most of the attack missed him completely. Unlucky for Darth Animal, he had used so much of his Force powers in one attack that he injured all of his midi-chlorians. Unable to use the Force, he attacked Kermit mano-a-frogo. Swinging his lightsabers, Animal cut himself in thirty-four pieces. The Sith Underlord was no more as Piggy met her husband with a cheerful embrace. Lord Elmo never got another chance to kill the frog as not long after, he killed himself in what was later named "the ultimate act of treachery". Elmo was in the middle of training his next apprentice, Dearth Nadir so he was ready to tackle the task of killing Kermit this time. Kermit was one of the many to attend the funeral of the Sith Lord.
Darth Ruptus interrupts
Yo, Piggy, I'm really happy for you, Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time! The best videos of all time!
Death of Kermit
As soon as Gonzo's plan was ready, the bodyguard hired the evil HK-47 to exterminate the frog so he could have Piggy as his own. Barging into the bedroom of the pig and frog, HK-47 brutally murdered Kermit and making frog legs in the process. Kermit became one with the Force.
Piggy was distraught. After doing research, she was easily able to find that Gonzo had hired HK and put the rest together herself. Gonzo came back to work the next day to comfort the ailing Piggy, only to find the Gamorrean Queen bashing him over the head with her own hooves. Things got worse when Gonzo attempted to sweet talk Miss Piggy, saying, "hey pork chop, did you fart? Because you blow me away!" In response to the bodyguard's sweet talking, the pig knocked Gonzo unconscious, believing Gonzo was in fact dead. Piggy continued on with her day as Gonzo laid across the kitchen floor of Piggy's palace for several hours.
Death
Piggy ailed over the following days, buying herself shoes and the like. Her hormones were off yet again when she realized she wanted children. She then contacted Darth Darth Binks who used the Force to impregnate the queen. Nine months later, Miss Piggy gave birth to Piglet. While not easy at first, Miss Piggy came to love the little hog and raised him as if Kermit were raising him, as well. The woman constantly pushed Piglet to become one of the greatest Jedi ever, much like his "father". However, Piglet could never decide if he wanted to join with the Jedi or not. The boy walked the dunes of Tatooine day after day, looking for answers.
However, one day while shopping for a purse online, Lord Binks returned to Miss Piggy's palace, demanding that he take the boy to train him as a Sith. Piggy denied his request in a foolish move, which resulted in the Sith Lord cooking the queen and eating her in a delicious sandwich. So delicious, in fact, Binks entered the sandwich on Iron Chef: Sith Edition.
Piglet returned home to find his mother dead at the hands of his creator, who then chased the boy for three hours with butter knife. Piglet was able to escape, though and live on the streets of Mos Eisley just as his mother had done years before.
Legacy
Miss Piggy had a double-d bust at the Tatooine Museum of Art, sitting next to the busts of her fathers.
