Lando Calrissian
| |
| Lando Calrissian | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
31 BBY |
| Died |
6 ABY |
| Physical description | |
| Species |
Smooth Human |
| Gender | |
| Height |
1.77 m |
| Hair color |
Big ass fro' |
| Eye color |
Brown |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) |
|
| Affiliation |
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- "Ah, I can feel the wind flowing through my butt crack, and it's cool."
- ―Lando
Lando Calrissian was a pimp and frequent attendee of the Cloud Disco on Cloud City, and he was the most happenin' dude in the galaxy. The Sith offered to make him a Darth out of sheer coolness. He turned it down. That was bad. The Jedi wanted to make him a master so they could 'save' his sorry behind. He turned it down. That was good. Then he called every body together for a Super Carbonite Rave Party. Nobody turned him down. That was trippin'.
Towards the end of his life, Lando, through luck in a Sabacc card game became the Chief Baron Administrator to Lando Lakes Butter Company. There was an accident at the company which resulted in Lando and Lobot being melted by the superheated butter, one of Ackbars many leftover traps. Zuckuss owns a charred lando bone.
Known Powers
Sheer coolness.
The ability to down a tankard of blue milk in one go.
He was occasionally seen with a building-sized afro which held the special ability to destroy a planet with a single bounce.
His greatest power however would have to be the infamous Colt 45, which created the overwhelming effect of making "everything go down smooth".
See also
- His brother: Mando Calrissian
- His other brother: Takeoffo Calrissian
- Fetal Calrissian
- His other other brother: Rambo Calrissian
Behind the scenes
In the Japanese dub, God Himself voiced Lando Calrissian under the pseudonym "Norio Wakamoto", "Norio" being Japanese for "Man of Law". This resulted in Lando becoming the most popular Star Wars character of all time in Japan, with many strange Japanese snacks, pachinko machines, arcade games and coconut-flavored energy drinks being slapped with Lando's image on them, and Lando becoming the main character of Super Star War Fight Z. However, the character of Lando Calrissian was discontinued from all Japanese media after Captain Falcon decided that Wakamoto's very loud voice acting was a threat to the galaxy, and killed him with a giant explosive punch.
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