KHAAAN

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,995 articles
Jump to navigationJump to search
KHAANSolo.jpg
Darth KHAAAN!
Biographical information
Homeworld

Koozebane

Born

Unknown

Died

Unknown

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Height

3.3 meters

Hair color

White

Eye color

Brown

Cybernetics

None.

Chronological and political information
Affiliation
Known masters
Known apprentices

Bananaskin Groundhopper

[Source]
"He'sa sick cookiee. He'sa Destroy Your Planet!"
―Darth Darth Binks, on KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!

KHAAAAAAAAN!!! Solo was a demented psychopath from the planet Kooozebane. He was famous for being greeted with screams of "KHAAAAAAAAN!!!" by his surprised victims. He would Destroy Your Planet whenever he could. Although Han Solo never knew it, KHAAAAAAAAN!!! Solo was his father.

Biography

Life

"Rubber Ducky, your my only friend in the world... *Sniff* If only people realized that bad guys have feelings too!"
―Young KHAAAAAAAAAN!!! Solo to his Ducky

KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!'s destructive career began at the age of two when during a Life Day celebration with his father, Obi-Wan KHAAAN!!!-Obi, he and his Rubber Ducky tripped over a woodchuck while carrying a spatula, fell atop a bantha who, startled by the sudden impact, trampled a mid-level bureaucrat who dropped the datapad she was carrying, which hit the ground in such a way that it exploded, the shrapnel of which scored a hit on the local power station control man who, thinking there was an attack, shut down all power without informing his superiors who were at that moment running a diagnostic test on the Alderaan planetary shield generator, a test which involved overriding the emergency power-overload prevention process, causing a detonation which wiped out the entire population but him and his Rubber Ducky. KHAAAAAAN!!! found he enjoyed it. In fact, he enjoyed it so much he did it again. This made him feel better about himself.

KHAAAAAAAN!!! then proceeded to Taris, where he killed a beetle when it landed on his nose. This infuriated a local cult who held them sacred. KHAAAAAAAN!!! used Force PWN and pwned them. Their last words were the cry of "KHAAAAAAAAN!!!" He liked that so much he would always ask his victims to say it. He said thank you afterwards. He then escaped the authorities by stealing an inter-galactic Ice Cream Truck[[1]]. He assembled a fleet of dirigibles manned by the Grand Army of Banana Peels to aid him in his plots. He took their leader, Bananaskin Groundhopper as his apprentice.

Ten years later he used his Rubber Ducky to wipe out the Jedi on his home world of Koozebane. He then proclaimed himself to be a Mega Supah Dupah Sith Overlord, a title that had since fallen out of favor with his more well known colleagues. With his Rubber Ducky and new title, he set out in his Ice Cream Truck and a fleet of dirigibles for Endor.

On his arrival at Endor, he established KHAAAAAAN!!!'s Ewok Burger Patties, a fast food chain. The locals were not happy with this turn of events and popped his dirigibles with their sticks. This displeased KHAAAAAAAAN!!!, so he PWNed them with his beloved Rubber Ducky and Ice Cream Truck. They were so PWNed that he had no more Ewok Burger Patties to sell. This made him sad, because he was really starting to like the Business. But he reminded himself that Gungans made good Corn Dogs, and he left the system in search of new Fast Food opportunities while his Rubber Ducky went to Nabooboo. He sent his apprentice and his Grand Army of Banana Peels freelancing to carve out an Empire of their own (he didn't want to be killed by his apprentice like most Sith Lords before him). It was now that he created the inedible Genesis Burrito.

Genesis Burrito

The Genesis Burrito was a terrifying super weapon. However, it wasn't really known what purpose it had because it never got used because it was too powerful. Since it was never fired, we don't have a clue what it could do. Or why it was even made. Experts to this day debate why he even needed a burrito of such magnitude. KHAAAAAAN!!! seems to have created it because he wanted to Destroy your planet.

Death

"KHAAAAAAAAN!!! Oh, and you need a haircut."
―James T. Kirk
"From Hell's own heart I cast my hair clippings in your general vicinity! Your father was a Gizka and your mother smelt of Gungan hairgel! Why, I'll Destroy Your Planet!!!"
―KHAAAAAAAAN'S!!! Response to James T. Kirk

KHAAAAAAAAN!!! was feeling good with himself. But he missed the turn signal in hyperspace and ended up in Hell. Not only that, but he had sent his Rubber Ducky to Nabooboo to oversee the creation of KHAAAAAAANS!!!'s Kentucky Fried Gungan Steakhouse and Taters Fast Food Chain. It remains unknown how he died, though some suspect he angered the local Deity. Details of his demise remain uncertain, but it appears he was trying to Destroy Your Planet with his Genesis Burrito. That darned local deity.

See Also

Retrieved from "https://darth.uncyclomedia.co/w/index.php?title=KHAAAN&oldid=71424"