Juhani
| |
| Juhani | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
With her litter |
| Died |
Pwned |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender |
Female |
| Height |
Cat |
| Hair color |
Cat |
| Eye color |
Cat |
| Cybernetics |
|
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation |
|
| Known masters |
Catnip |
- "Bah. Why would you think that I would want to mate with you?"
- ―Juhani, to all men
Juhani, also known as Darth Nuku (a name she stole from the true Darth Nuku) or Catwoman, was a catgirl Jedi, then Sith, then Jedi again, then Sith, then Jedi again. She was from Taris, and was a lesbian. Yeah, you heard me right. A lesbian. The Jedi Exile would've had some fun with her, eh?
Biography
Early Life
Juhani was born on Taris (LOL DESTROYED) because the developers at LucasArts were too lazy to think up a different planet. She lived in the Lower City working as a prostitute until the age of 14, when one of her clients turned out to be a Jedi, and took her to Dantooine to be a Jedi, and to provide some action on the side.
Jedi Epic Fail
Unfortunately, Juhani's experiences with the abusive Vandar turned her into a lesbian, and she began a relationship with another Padawan. However, Juhani's girlfriend broke up with her—
Yo, Juhani, look, I'm really happy for you, Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best lesbian love scenes of all time! The best lesbian sex of all time!
—for Ellen DeGeneres, and Juhani turned to the dark side. Afterward, Juhani sat in a garden for a couple months (secretly hoping for a hot chick to come her way) for some reason, until Revan showed up, PWNed her, and sent her back to the Jedi Council for a time-out. Juhani later joined up with Revan, hoping for some action with that hot Jedi chick.
Galactic "Travels"
Juhani hung out in the Ebon Hawk for a few months after that, because she sucked pretty hard as a character, and because Jolee Bindo and HK-47 took all the PWNing jobs. The Ebon Hawk gang eventually traveled to wait for it..... THE UNKNOWN WORLD! (DUH DUH DUH) and hung out some more. After Revan eventually PWNed No-Jaw McGee, she got an award from the Galactic Republic, even though she really didn't do anything.
Dark Side Again
After Revan abandoned her (with good reason), Juhani, tormented by the fact that she never got any action with Bastila, turned to the dark side. Again. She beat feet to Korriban, where she became a Sith by sleeping with every other female Sith, and by bribing the male ones. The Sith christened her Darth Nuku, but once again, she didn't do anything, and eventually died from an infestation of heartworms (which is supposedly an STD among catgirls).
Behind the scenes
Some folks, particularly this moron, insist that Juhani was a light-sided catgirl who was in fact very useful to Revan during the aforementioned quest to save the galaxy. According to these perfectly reasonable stupid theories, she did in fact accompany Revan into the Star Forge itself, and helped him to PWN massively.
