Jesus Patrick Bach, Part 3
- Random Jedi Victim: "One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter."
- Jesus: "That's what you don't understand. I'm fighting for the freedom of all terrorists."
- — A Random Jedi Victim and Jesus Patrick Bach, Part 3
Jesus Patrick Bach, Part 3 was born the son of Jesus Patrick Bach Jr., the famed fanboy ripoff of Paris from Troy. Completing a trinity of dumbass Bendy Bendu Acrobats, Jesus bribed the rest of the Bendy Bendu into making him their acrobatic coach. His grandfather, the first and original Jesus, told him to go help the gay Jedi when the mean Sith came back from near-extinction. When Jesus and the Bendy Bendu got there, the head Jedi gave him a dirty look and made fun of him so he decided to become a terrorist and destroy their planet. When he was a terrorist, he became friends with Supreme Chancellor Cos Is Da Shit and his daughter Izzy. He even fell in love with Izzy, but Kal-El of Krypton fell in love with her too. Jesus proposed like an idiot after knowing her for literally a few days and she rejected him. He accidentally blew her up later that night when he tried to kill his mortal enemy, the Sith Lord Candy Mountain, a man who looked strikingly similar to the Martian Manhunter from Smallville.
Jesus was a terrorist for only a few months and he really didn't do shit except for blowing up a few empty buildings and cutting off some alien's head. Even so, the Jedi pussies decided to concede defeat so they ran away from Coruscant like little bitches. Jesus was happy to be able to sit in the comfy Jedi Council chairs, but then the evil Sith Lord Darth Eviler came and ruined the fun by taking over Coruscant. Jesus got pissed and went home to cry to his Aunt Nemo. A few years later, he decided to stop being a little bitch like his father was and went back to the regular galaxy. He kicked Darth Eviler's pansy ass and then went and saw Izzy who was alive. Jesus, Izzy, and Kal-El of Krypton all decided to go kill Candy Mountain. Izzy got stabbed and Jesus blew himself up like the asshole suicide bomber that he was. Kal-El got away, probably because he's like Superman...at least, that is...for now.
His descendant was Christian Bale, the man-crush of certain supergeeky fanboys.
