James T. Kirk
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Captain.... James.... T.... Kirk | |
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Biographical information | |
Homeworld | |
Born |
2233 |
Died |
2371 |
Physical description | |
Species | |
Gender |
Male, very very obviously... hesleptwithallthosewomen |
Hair color |
|
Eye color |
Blue |
Personal shit | |
Chronological and political information | |
Affiliation |
United Federation. Of Planets |
Known apprentices |
- "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
- ―Captain, Kirk, trying to, outdo, Darth Vader
James.... Tiberius.... Kirk.... starship, captain... Shakespearean, actor... acclaimed, singer, songwriter... rancher... Jedikiller... ladiesman... and all around, macho hombre... formerlyknownas.... James.... Ephraim.... Ratzinger..... Kirk...... was a Human male. FromtheplanetIowa. He, was, the captainandlatertheadmiralofthestarshipenterprise. And, a big, fat, jerkass... whowasfullofhimself. He, was the best, starship captain, in the galaxyevenmorethanhansolo. Of course, the Enterprise, can PWN. A ship. Like, the... Millennium Falcon. Any day... letaloneaStardestroyer. Just... ask... anyselfrespectingmemberofhercrew.
Kirk, later became, the master, of... Darthfivehead.
Kirk, was an enemy, of KHAAAN! because. He killed. His boyfriend, according to... many... fangirls.
Biography
Early, life
No one here. Knows of. Captain, Kirk's, origins... because he's, a, Star Trek..... character. And this, isastarwarswiki. So, we don't know, whathedid. In the Star, Trek, universe.(Well, some people, on, this wiki, do... but those people... are known as... heretics.) Anyway, weallknow, that he, eventually. Got. A high enough, rank, in, Starfleet...... tobecomecaptainofthestarshipenterprise.
At one point, Darth Bay's apprentice... Darth Abrams... (yes, thesameone, who MADE an AL-ter-nate Star... Wars... universe, underthedirection, of... Darth Disney) made a younger, sexier, clone, of... Kirk. Of course......... theoriginalKirkwasfarsuperior, since he, was, the most awesome person, and... best, actor... inthegalaxy.
Weird Cool, things, that, Captain Kirk, did
Jim, Kirk... was... a pretty strange awesome fellow. Here, are some of the reasons, why:
- He was the, only, individualinthegalaxy, who, spoke... normally. Everyone, else did not, insert enough, pauses, in, their sentences
- He, wasalsothe, only, individualinthegalaxy, who sang... normally. Everyone, else, not only did not insert enough pauses, but also changed their pitch, too much.
- He
woreDID, NOT, WEAR, a toupee... that led a secret double life... as a Jedi Knight - He liked... sleeping... with green, skinned, aliengirls. As if that's, so weird... inthefirstplace
- KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!
- He was... CAPTURED by Emperor Palpatine andforcedtogiveupthesecretsofthe tractor beam after... enduring... hours of... t... orture!
Behind, the, scenes

Captain, James, T. Kirk, was portrayed by... Christopherwalken.
He has, no relation, to Frog-Buster.
Some have accused. Kirk. Of being a ripoffofjaxpavanninemillion, onehundredeleven... thousand, nine, hundredseventynine.