Hoth
| |
| Hoth | |
|---|---|
| Astrographical | |
| Sector | |
| System |
Hoth system |
| Suns |
0 |
| Moons |
9 |
| Physical | |
| Climate |
-700°, freezing |
| Surface water |
100% ice |
| Points of interest |
|
| Societal | |
| Native species | |
| Immigrated species | |
| Official language | |
| Major cities | |
- "¡™$ ™ΘΘ ©Θ˩DZ!"
- ―Some Alaskan
Hoth is one of the coldest planets in the known galaxy, and is home to the Alaskan species.
History
- "BRING IT OOOONNN, JACK FROST!!!"
- ―An anonymous Alaskan
Hoth was discovered in 19 BBY by Darth Lucas, when he crashed his S-Class bomber on the then-unnamed planet. Lucas didn't care a charbroiled Rodian pate biscuit about it so he left it abandoned. However, seven months later by the Galactic Standard Calendar, sixty-three minutes later by local time, and the exact same time by Lucas' watch (its battery had died), a big, hairy monster arose from the snow. It named itself Darth Alaskan and proceeded to create more creatures, like itself, to serve as minions.
Tragically, Darth Alaskan had little, if any, knowledge of anatomy and failed to include volume caps for adrenal glands. The resulting frenzy of hyperactivity led to the construction of the Death Star, the founding of the Old Republic, the overthrowing of said government, the invention of yo-yos, the landing of a man on the moon, and subsequent melting due to overheating. Left with only puddles of water contaminated with polychlorinated byphennals, Darth Alaskan abandoned the planet.
However, seven months later by the Galactic Standard Calendar, a big, hairy monster arose from the snow....
Name
Hoth may seem like a weird name for a planet with an average temperature of 200 degrees below freezing, there is however an interesting rather stupid story that explains this. Long ago explorers found two planets, one was extremely cold and the other was extremely hot. So, logically they name said planets Cold and Hot. A few years later however, when the new updated Galactic Star Chart was being made, some idiot accidentally mislabeled the two planets. The extremely cold and snowy planet was now named Hot and the hot planet was now suddenly named Cold. This mistake was left undiscovered for thousands of years because no one ever visited either planet, however, Darth Lucas discovered the mistake. But he really didn't care about it, so he never got around to reporting it. A few years later however, when the Rebels built their base on what they thought was Hot, they found out they were actually on Cold. The Rebels didn't report the mistake to the Empire because they feared it would expose their new secret base. The Empire eventually discovered the mistake as well when they dispatched some snowtroopers to Cold, which was actually the extremely hot planet. But, by then everyone, including the local populations of the practically uninhabited worlds had gotten used to the weird names so they weren't changed back. No one knows when or how the h at the end of Hoth was added, but it is logical to assume that some idiot over at the Star Chart production company misspelled the planet's name and that no one ever bothered to check the spelling of the planet names or cared enough to fix the mistake. One can only wonder how many planets out there have been mislabeled or misspelled in the Star Charts over the many centuries.
Destruction
Hoth was finally destroyed by Darth Hancock.
Behind the scenes
Darth Vader was most displeased when he heard of this event. He had been planning on taking care of Hoth in his own way for quite some time.
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