Earth
The Earth, much like cake, is a Lie!
may follow. Read on at your own discretion.
| |
| Earth | |
|---|---|
| Astrographical | |
| Region |
It doesn't exist. |
| Sector |
We told you, it doesn't exist. |
| System |
What part of "does not exist" confuses you?! |
| Suns |
Okay, fine! Umm... 1? |
| Moons |
How about 1 again? |
| Coordinates |
nowhere, dumbass |
| Distance from Core |
??? |
| Physical | |
| Diameter |
blah, blah, blah |
| Atmosphere |
invisible |
| Climate |
unheard of |
| Points of interest |
How about going there and finding out it DOES NOT EXIST! |
| Societal | |
| Native species |
Humans, I guess? |
| Immigrated species |
Tigers?!? |
Earth, also known as "some wet rock in the middle of nowhere", is a fictional planet that does not exist. We know, we checked. And anyone who says anything else is a liar because Earth is a lie!!! Sheesh, get over it.
History of a lie
Okay, now lets see how this hoax grew to be so big and omnipissant.
Early days as an urban legend
It is believed that the first known source of the legend of Earth came from the unknown homeworld of Darth <insert name here>, that was destroyed when he became an Darthipedian. It was from here that rumors of a long-lost planet first emerged.
Mentions of the Earth we know today began as a folktale about a planet that was wet because it pissed itself regularly. Later, many additions were made to the story in an attempt to make it juicier and basically worth remembering; some stuff stuff about fluffy bunnies and a bipedal species that would ultimately lead to its destruction. Some people liked to sight the story as a cautionary tale, warning individuals that ruthless greed and destructive passion only lead to doom. Hah!
Ultimately the story sort of died down until the advent of the InterGalactic Holonet, where it once again gained notoriety, this time as a favorite of conspiracy theorists who would claim that it was a fabled utopia of horrendously backward creatures that were the result of a horrible Wookiee-Nookie experiment gone wrong and that the Galactic Powers (whoever they were at the time) were trying to cover it up. Why would we do that? We never tried to cover up Nabooboo! Honestly, get over yourselves.
Some time later in a galaxy about the same distance away....
As if the legend wasn't already pointlessly strange enough, in comes Watto, fresh from grueling years on Tatooine to inflict upon the galaxy a positively encyclopedic account of his version of the legend, running over pages with unbelievably minute details of the life there.
Firstly, it describes Earth as having many different geographies (ice, water, volcanoes, clouds, sand) at once, which is absurd. Then it includes god-awful ideas and concepts like deranged, stripey four legged beasts called tigers (WTF?), and what not, and disfigured bipedal ape-like creatures dedicated to money and relations. He steals heavily from writers all over the galaxy and includes references to the Hutta Sutra and makes up fictional accounts of people like ET and Darth Lucas living there. All in all, it was the greatest tribute to excessive drug-abuse — but hey, what can we say? It sold 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 copies and counting!
The real Earth
In view of the popularity of the Earth-myth and Watto's book, the holo-movie industry decided it was high-time to cash off of it. With the help of Hutt-based investors, they commissioned an actual life sized replica of fictional Earth in which all present day Holo-movies are filmed. It also acts as an amusement park for tourists and a favorite gathering place of conspiracy theorists. The Sith would destroy this planet except its so much more fun to destroy the planets of its visitors while they are away enjoying the theme park, so that they come home to charred remains. Heh.
Darthipedia
You may find many pages on this wiki that link to this page, claiming Earth exists. We apologise. The users that create such pages are all delusional, and probably psychotic (they may be perverts as well!). Such users should be eliminated as soon as possible.
Appearances
