Duck Star
- "Thith thtation ith now the ultimate aquatic avian in the univerthe! I thuggetht we uthe it."
- ―Conan Antonio O'Brien Daffy Motti.
The Duck Star was yet another uber-pwning battle station, a brainchild of Duck Sith Lord Darth Daffy. This superweapon was armed with the Quantum Quack Phaser, which despite it's frightful power was capable only of destroying moons. Meh.
The Duck Star was left crewless, after the sudden end of The Duck Wars. It was floating in space, waiting for somebody who would use it to destroy...**sigh** moons.
Construction
- Duck Officer
': "Quack quackquack quack quack (The Duck Star prototype has collapsed, my lord.) "
- Darth Daffy
': "QUACK QUACK?! QUACK QUACKQUACK QUACK QUACK! (What the****?! Get that fucking shipbuilder here at once!) "
- — Darth Daffy is informed about the failure of the ex-architect shipbuilder.
This uber-PWNing superweapon was originally designed by a famous shipbuilder, who used to be an architect before. As he couldn't even build a proper house (see video), nor a proper superweapon and was unable to speak Quack or Basic, the original model (made of brick and wood) fell apart, so the shipbuilder was pwned by Darth Daffy, who then ordered a Duck scientist (racism?) to redesign the weapon.
The Duck Star's construction began on the surface of Duck'o Prime... due to a failure of a Duck officer to understand orders. As a result, the chassis sank. Or, as the (late) ex-architect would have said: "The house has collapsed". Wait, he would have said "Összedőlt a ház.", as he didn't speak Quack or Basic, only his language. Darth Daffy's initial reaction was "Quack QUACKQUACK QUAAACK!", translating to "That muthafrakin' jerk!" (the stupid officer).
Darth Daffy PWNed the stupid Duck and re-started construction. The battle station was held in mid-air by about 50,000,000 Ducks while it was under construction. Unfortunately, after the Duck Star was completed, everyone went to celebrate, drink a lot and do other things, so they forgot to keep the Star aloft, which fell down, pwning everything in a large radius, but remaining intact, although it nearly sank again. Duh! Finally, a combined effort of 90% of the planet's population lifted it back and activated the flapping wings, then continued to drink and celebrate... aboard the Star. Unconfirmed reports stated that Darth Daffy drank so much that he began to sing while flapping with his wings crazily. The horribly drunken Daffy then accidentally fell out of the Star, splashing into the water. He was recovered by a fishing party on the next day. He was not the only one to be drunken so horribly; his aide and second-in-command, Darth Donald drunk about three hectoliters of corn beer, going on a wild rampage and attacking every female duck he met in the meantime. He finally collapsed in a corner of the battle station.
Start of PWNage
- "Now you will withneth the full POWAAHH of thith fully functhional battle thtation!
"
- ―Darth Daffy to the Daffia leaders
Let's go PWNing!
After the Daffia leaders recovered from their alcohol intoxication, they decided to test the full POWAH of the Quantum Quack Phaser. They targeted a nearby planet called Duckiller and fired it. Unfortunately, the Phaser was not powerful enough to utterly PWN the planet, though it "still" sliced through a 623-story skyscraper in the capital (Antiducknife) and then fractured the planet, killing nearly all of its inhabitants. The only problem was that this massive disturbance in the Force informed Darth Elmo about the existence of the Daffia. Darth Daffy was also very angry about the "weaknethth" of the Quantum Quack Phaser and PWNed its designer at once.
First contact
- Darth Elmo
': "There's a great disturbance in the Force... as if millions of Duck-eating people cried out "Duckz are not supreme!" and were suddenly silenced... DID you feel it, you moron?! "
- Darth Animal
': "Oh yes, as I'm your apprentice. If you want me to go and PWN them, I'll do it at once! "
- Darth Elmo
': "Patience, young one. A Sith's powah comes from knowing when to PWN, what to PWN and what to PWN with. "
- Darth Animal
': "Ummm... that's too complicated for me, master. I think I'll rather go and PWN them when you command me to do so. "
- Darth Elmo
': "Okay, then I'll teach this important piece of knowledge to you later. "
- Darth Animal
': "Well, that's a good idea! "
- — Darth Elmo and Darth Animal upon sensing the devastation of Duckiller.
Darth Elmo and the Sesame Street sensed the devastation of Duckiller through the Force (like some silly old Jedi did when the hippie planet was destroyed) and began to plan a counterattack...
Coming soon!
...and arriving!
Battered in battles... and meetings
Elmo contacted Darth Darth Binks about the problem. Binks ordered Sesame Street to annihilate the Daffia, by saying "Yousa now guna PWN them!" and then went on to purchase his own mysterious goals blah blah blah... okay, he just continued to sit on his throne. Elmo returned to the Sesame Street Frigate, but the Duck Star suddenly appeared, catching the Frigate by surprise. A tremendous battle started, with the Frigate suffering heavy damage at the beginning: its sensors (okay, a sailor in the crow's nest) got blown! Unfortunately, the Duck Star's Quantum Quack Phaser broke down, so Darth Daffy ordered his Duck soldatos to board the Sesame Street Frigate. Unfortunately, the wooden material of the boarding ramp was of very low quality, so it broke and fell down with many Duck soldatos on it. Daffy was even more angry about this additional "weaknethth" and ordered the commanding officer to have someone repair all these "weakneththeth" or face death!
Finally, the commander had these problems repaired, but things started to got terribly wrong. During Darth Daffy's visit to the repaired Duck Star, an explosion occured in the lower quarters, which knocked out the electric systems, so the Daffia leadership was forced to stay in a dark room. Later, many female Ducks complained that a mysterious figure had relations with them. The DuckNet News' coverage of the events was the following:
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The Daffia accused the Sesame Street of firing a missile into the reactor. But the accusation had no effect, since 1. they were already at war, and 2. Sesame Street was not composed of "whiny-little-Jedi" so they could not apologise. Duh! So the Daffia leaders decided to do the same thing to the iconic Puppet vessel, the Sesame Street Frigate. Unfortunately, when the Duck soldatos manning ducking the ship stopped ducking it and docked it instead. They were all captured and executed. Later research showed that accidentally a batch of brainwashed clones was sent on the mission instead of elite soldatos. After this epic fail, they sent the elite troops to do the same. The soldatos fired their ship's turbolasers at the unsuspecting Frigate, but the colorful projectiles bounced off the mahogany hull without harming it. However, they painted the ship's side. Finally, one soldato realized that the supply officer mixed the turbolaser projectile plasma boxes with the Technicolor paint sets, so they rushed to the ship's back and fired the 88mm anti-aircraft cannon located there. This powahful shot pierced the mahogany and flied through Elmo's quarters, nearly hitting the furry Sith, then blasted an opening on the other side and left the Frigate. Elmo used the Force to hold the air in while he yelled for a "carpenter or any construction worker" to come. A Puppet crewmember wandering around the Frigate rushed in and advised Elmo to push his bed to one of the openings and cover the other with the blankets 'till they are repaired. In the meantime, the Ducks escaped.
Upgrades
The commander of the Duck Star finally completed the reactor repairs and inspected the ship. He found that parts of the huge amount of metal advanced hull armor were used to build support columns for the DuckNet News' skyscraper. He also counted that only 150 quad laser cannons were mounted on the ship out of the planned 3000 and the rest were chlorine and fluoride launchers. He first insisted on removing them, but after a Duck soldato accidentally fired upon a passerby metal asteroid which was corrosed by the blast, he became impressed with the PWNing powah of the weapons and left them where they were.
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