Dearth Nadir
| |
| Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir (also used the alias Gonzo) | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
Two months after his mother died |
| Died |
Suicide Bomber accident |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender |
Possibly Male |
| Height |
1.0 meters |
| Hair color |
Blue and Icky |
| Eye color |
Black, Googly |
| Cybernetics |
Cool Helmet |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) | |
| Affiliation |
|
| Known masters | |
| Known apprentices | |
Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir (also called Gonzo) was a fuzzy blue Sith Lord who lived during the Mandalorian Wars. Born to a family of Whatevers, his mother died two months before he was born. She did leave a note, however, with his name on it. The fact that his mother died before he was even fully developed was a shocking blow to the little furball. His father abandoned him as a young child, meaning he had to care for himself. This drove him into the depths of madness, and he became a demented little blue servant of the Dark Side of the Force.
After his assumption of the title Dearth Nadir, his original identity as Gonzo was stolen by none other than Gonzo. Why Gonzo would steal Gonzo's identity is unknown, but he did it all the same. Dearth Nadir didn't care, because he was too busy trying to destroy planets.
Later in life he became obsessed with destroying planets, but all of his attempts ended with his death in one bizarre way or another. Many Sith were amazed that he could die and live so many times. This made him an icon among their ranks. He was also famous for his acrobatic flair, performing numerous life-threatening stunts which also ended in his death. He also was notable for his fetish for Chickens and odd costumes.
Biography
Early Years
Despite all his father's efforts to avoid the responsibility of caring for a child, Gonzo shocked his father when he managed to be born two months after the death of his mother. Convinced that his son was a freak (and not without reason), his father abandoned him and took a job in an artificial bantha poodoo factory on Hoth. The small blue puppetling scavenged a living as an acrobat (and dying no less than fifteen times!). But other more glamorous pursuits called him, and he joined The Muppet Show, a breakaway sect of Sesame Street that made their base on Malachor II. It was now that his turn to the Dark Side would be made complete.
On orders of Darth Elmo, an elite Sesame Street squad led by Cookie Monster kidnapped Gonzo and took him to their leader. Elmo made an offer to the blue, googly eyed thing before him: join him or he'd destroy his planet. Gonzo, however, couldn't care in the least over whether his planet was destroyed. Elmo destroyed it anyway, but Gonzo didn't even notice. So Elmo put him on another planet and destroyed it, hoping to have his revenge. But despite his death, Gonzo lived on. He floated through space until he was rescued by an army of Chickens led by Camilla the Chicken. So impressed were they with him that they made him their leader.
Gonzo, rather than being enraged at the treatment he had received at the hands of Darth Elmo, liked it. He liked it so much he went to Elmo and asked him to do it to him again. Elmo, surprised at the resilience of this weird blue thing, took him as his apprentice.
After three years of being beaten up being trained by Lord Elmo, Gonzo was given the title of Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir. But before he could take orders from his master, Elmo committed The ultimate act of treachery, leaving him on his own. Dearth Nadir from that point on would try to emulate his master's death in any way possible, but he never would succeed.
Mandalorian Wars
Dearth Nadir led his chicken armies and his new apprentice Camilla the Chicken in search of employment in the armies of Darth Revan. When no one hired them, Dearth Nadir created poster's to advertise his presence. When still no one listened to him, he and his chicken horde climbed the highest skyscraper in Coruscant and hurled themselves off during a Life Day parade, resulting in his seventeenth death. But other than the massive traffic accident this caused (and the ensuing jail time for disturbance of the peace), Nadir gathered little attention (despite the fact he had died and come back to life again in front of the entire city). Then a revelation struck him: he would destroy a planet.
This planet was none other than Malachor II, the lesser known older brother of Malachor V that his former Gonzo self had been trained on by The Muppet Show. But when he decided to destroy it, he had no idea how. After many glasses of Really good Jawa juice, he came up with a plan: he would release a solo music album that would result in the planet's destruction. For this job he assembled his army of chickens and ordered them to sing The Imperial March while he did backup. The result was a catastrophe; the populace, on seeing the massive horde of chickens, assumed it was hunting season. Despite absolutely ridiculous and cowardly gallant acts, Dearth Nadir was defeated. He suffered terrible injuries in the retreat that forced him to don his famous armor suit, becoming more machine now than Puppet. But he lost no confidence; rather, he was now more obsessed than ever with destroying a planet.
He developed a new plan shortly: he and his chickens would strap explosives to themselves and perform a paradrop from space, and on striking the ground they would activate their bombs. But the people were ready for them: they fired at the descending swarms of fiery chickens, incurring many more losses. Dearth Nadir was also killed, but this did not deter him. That night he told his forces the classic Mandalorian proverb: We Mandalorians can bash in duracrete walls with our heads! But he made a fatal mistake: Chickens are not Mandalorians, which means they are not TEH MOST AWSOME TIHINGS IN TEH GALXAY!
The next day he ordered a secret insertion onto the surface of Malachor II. He and his chickens once again strapped time bombs to themselves and began the attack. But this time the G*nk intervened: the G*nk droids had set the timers to go off early. So, with their landing craft about to enter the atmosphere, the bombs exploded. Clouds of flaming feathers bombarded Malachor II for the next two hours. And yet again, Gonzo died and came back.
Eventually, once Bert and himself were the only surviving members of Sesame Street, Bert took the Sesame Street frigate to Tatooine. He decided to go with him. However, the ship was found and shot by the intergalactic armada. Bert narrowly managed to escape, but Dearth Nadir foolishly chose to remain onboard and was reduced to ash as a result. This time, he did not come back.
See also
Gonzo, someone who looks like him, has the same name but is a completely different character. However, conspiracy theorists claim that they are one and the same person. But this is not true. Anyone who believes that nonsense should be given a reality check good for one free ride on a Star Destroyer.
