Darth Oscar
| |
| Opera Sacrifice Canopy Auto Rabbit | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
In the dump |
| Died |
4 BBY |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Hair color |
Green |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation | |
| Known masters | |
| Known apprentices |
Himself |
- "You motherfrackin' puppets! I just want some kriffing time to myself in my kriffing can! Every day, you kriffing kids come knocking at my lid and ask me to spell something. Well, I ain't gonna spell crap! Now get the kriff out of here!"
- ―Darth Oscar, son of Jolee Bindo
Darth Oscar, born Opera Sacrifice Canopy Auto Rabbit but shortened to Oscar, was a disgusting fatass Puppet from Dagobah. Oscar was born a dumpster baby by his teenage mother, Mission Vao, who had just recently been impregnated by her boyfriend much older boyfriend Jolee Bindo. Young Oscar had live on the streets of an unknown planet for the next several years to come, raiding trashcans daily for food. One day while searching through said trashcans, Oscar found himself becoming stuck. Unable to pull himself from the garbage, the boy was forced to live in the trashcan the next several years. Life was never more difficult for Oscar. However, things finally turned his way when the young puppet met Darth Elmo, who had been instructed to locate and assemble his own planet destruction team. Lord Elmo found Oscar completely repulsive and agreed to hire the boy. As Darth Elmo found the other members, Sesame Street was born.
However, things got worse again when Oscar was thrown out a day later. Unlike the time when Kermit was thrown out of Sesame Street, this had nothing to do with failure to destroy a planet. However, Oscar was thrown out because of "creative differences".[1] However, it has been debated that the real reason he was thrown out was because he was homophobic, and constantly fought with Bert and Ernie. Having no where else to turn, the young man joined the Sith, being trained by the dag nasty evil Darth Pompous Ass. Oscar's transformation into Darth Oscar was complete.
Lord Oscar finally died at the hands of Sesamstraat years later during an attempted domination.
Biography
Early life
Conceived (illegally, might I add) by Mission Vao and her much older boyfriend, Jolee Bindo, Oscar was born an abandoned dumpster baby without a name. The young Puppet lived in said dumpster for three years before venturing out into the wild of Dagobah and being picked up by a Jawa Juice delivery man who named the boy. The delivery man, drunk from the Jawa Juice, named the Puppet Opera Sacrifice Canopy Auto Rabbit, or Oscar for short. Oscar was then transported to an unknown world in the galaxy, having no family to turn to. Homeless on the streets of an unknown world, the young Oscar had to raid various trashcans in hopes of finding food.
One day while searching through the trashcans, Oscar found himself stuck among the garbage. The boy was unable to pull himself from the can due to his oversized ass, forcing Oscar to live inside of it until his death.
Sesame Street
Oscar quickly earned the job of lightsaber shiner, shining the lightsabers of various Jedi and Sith, including Darth Quagmire and Big Bird. It was in this capacity that Big Bird introduced one of his followers, Darth Elmo to the puppet. Lord Elmo had been instructed by his master to locate and assemble members together for a personal planet destruction team called Sesame Street. While not impressed with Oscar at first, Elmo found the boy absolutely repulsive and disgusting... Something he admired in a man.[2] Lord Elmo enlisted Oscar into the ranks of Sesame Street in a position the boy gladly accepted.
Joining the team, Oscar found himself doing nothing but bickering with Bert and Ernie for being gay, something Oscar couldn't stand. Only a day after joining, Oscar was thrown out by Elmo himself. In a press release given shortly after, Elmo cited "creative differences" as to why Oscar had left Sesame Street. It wasn't until the release of Oscar's biography, Life Inside the Can: The Story of Opera Sacrifice Canopy Auto Rabbit that the truth was finally told. Having no where else to turn, Oscar joined the Sith.
Sith
Over the course of two weeks, Oscar was trained in the ways of the Force by his master, Darth Pompous Ass. Once his training was complete, Oscar became the treacherous Darth Oscar, a title which would strike fear into the hearts of two or three people across the galaxy.
Darth Oscar's first mission from Pompous Ass was to assassinate Big Bird and the members of his religion, the Brotherhood of the Bird. As Darth Oscar arrived to the world of Tatooine, he found that Big Bird and the Brotherhood had already been killed by Dr. Dick-Smith Deez Nuts and Emperor Bob Barker. Returning home, Oscar was still rewarded for his fine extermination of the group. Several missions later, Darth Oscar attained the highly coveted title of Sith Mega-Super-Overlord.
Death
Becoming more powerful, but still not that powerful, Lord Oscar wanted an apprentice to train. After no one agreed to be trained by the Sith Lord, Darth Oscar accepted himself as his very own apprentice and agreed to train himself in the ways of the Force, just as his master had once done to him.
However, this later led to Darth Oscar's downfall as the Sith Mega-Super-Overlord commanded his apprentice to assassinate Darth Elmo so he could dominate Sesame Street and kill Bert and Ernie in the process. Little did Lord Oscar know, he was sending Oscar to dominate an organization that ended several years prior. Sesame Street had died upon Elmo committing the ultimate act of treachery. Both Bert and Ernie had died, as well. Oscar returned home to Darth Oscar to give him the unfortunate news. Darth Oscar was heartbroken. Instead, Lord Oscar decided to do the next best thing and send Oscar off to dominate the Dutch Sesame Street sub-division led by the evil cyborg Pino.
Upon arriving to the Netherlands, Oscar engaged in a minor duel with the cyborg bird just before being shot in the back by the treacherous Purk. Oscar was officially dead along with his master, Darth Oscar.
Legacy
The only reason Darth Oscar was still remembered after his death was because of that horrible stench he left behind that just doesn't seem to go away. The Sith tried everything to remove it, but nothing worked. If you find something that might be able to remove the smell of a rotting puppet that's lived in garbage for nearly fifteen years, please contact us.
Behind the scenes
- Many fanboys now debate whether or not his early life was entirely accurate. They question why if Oscar's mother was a Twi'lek and his father was human he's a green puppet. A theory exists involving Oscar being the toe fungus of Corran Horn that mutated into its own entity. However, Oscar's appearance can be explained by the fact that he lived in a trashcan for more than ten years. You'd look a bit green too if you had been doing the same. The Corran Horn toe fungus theory, however, remains non-canonical, as everything else in this article is obviously canon.
Appearances
Sources
- Sesame Street: The Great Book of Members
- Life Inside the Can: The Story of Opera Sacrifice Canopy Auto Rabbit
Notes and references
- ↑ Press release not long after Oscar left Sesame Street.
- ↑ The Unknown Abilities of Darth Elmo
