Darth Kratos
| |
| Darth Kratos | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
Long, long ago |
| Died |
Sacrificed himself to save his galaxy from the tyranny of the gods. Heh, badass. |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Height |
6'0 |
| Hair color |
Black (goatee only) |
| Eye color |
Gold |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation |
None but his own |
| Known apprentices | |
- "I AM DARTH KRATOS! TREMBLE BEFORE ME, MERE MORTAL, FOR I AM THE GOD OF WAR! I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER!"
- ―The ham featured on this page
Darth Kratos was a SPARTAAAN!!! male Sith Mega-Super-Overlord from the planet SPARTAAA!!!. (That means he slept with Sophitia.) The son of Mr. T, Kratos was one of the galaxy's most awesome Sith and travelled the galaxy slicing up cyclopes and shit with his Blades of Chaos (who cares that they weren't lightsabers, they were badass enough to resist against lightsaber blows anyway).
Kratos hated the gods of his planet because they forced him to do menial tasks for them such as washing the dishes, mowing the lawn and answering phone calls, all while forcing him to kill his own family just to get the job done faster. Because of this, he finally expressed his anger towards them through intense, brutal, bloody rage, and utterly slaughtered Ares, the God of War. Kratos became the God of War himself at this point and took Darth Leonidas as his Sith apprentice.
As God of War, Kratos developed the strength enough to destroy an entire planet and became good friends with the real God (not those lazy Greek bullshitters), who helped Kratos in his many intense, brutal, bloody, rage-filled battles. At one point, God, Kratos and Leonidas determined that their mutual powers of awesomeness were enough to blow up the first Death Star, so they waged a war against the Empire's tyrannical regime in order to rule the entire galaxy and conquer it for SPARTAAAAA!!! At this point, however, the complete jerk known as Zeus tricked Kratos into draining all of his godly powers. Despite this, Kratos showed no signs of letting up, and went to train himself back to greatness and defeat Zeus with the help of some space leprechauns.
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