Darth Jawa
| |
| Darth Jawa | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
Jawa party day |
| Died |
Died twice before he died(duh) |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Height |
Midget |
| Hair color |
Unknown |
| Eye color |
Orange |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation | |
| Known apprentices | |
Darth Jawa was a Jawa Sith Lord from Tatooine. He travelled through Tatooine's deserts, searching for ways to destroy planets when he discovered Jawa juice.
Biography
Jawa juice
- "I LOVE IT!!"
- ―Darth Jawa, after tasting Jawa juice
During one of his many journeys through Tatooine's deserts in his Sandcrawler one of his many Jawa minions "accidentally" fell into the grinder and was turned into Jawa juice. Darth Jawa took a gulp, and loved it. He then started selling it at Tatooine's space ports and the new drink became a hit. The drink made him very rich, but eventually he ran out off minions, so he had to find new minions, but he had already turned more than 90% of all Jawas into Jawa juice and the remaining Jawas did not trust him. One day he had a brilliant idea, he cloned himself and had his clones put his other clones in the grinder and sell the Jawa juice. Now that his clones were doing all the work for him, he could once again focus on finding ways to destroy planets. It is unknown if he ever succeeded in that matter.
Happy Pony Lovers
When the Happy Pony Lovers tried to eat Darth Nerd and failed, Darth Jawa was sent to kill them. After a few weeks of searching he finally found them and attacked. At first he failed to kill them, but luckily he managed to cut their legs off. He then PWNed them by parking his Sandcrawler on top of them. He used a special juicer to juice them and brought their juicy remains to Darth Nerd who consumed them. But Darth Nerd did not pay for the disgusting drink.
The capture of Darth Nerd
When Darth Nerd traveled to Tatooine Darth Jawa was still angry about the Happy Pony Lovers incident, so he captured him and tortured him for a few days. When torturing him became boring, Darth Jawa tried to juice him. But, unfortunately, Darth Nerd escaped because one of Darth Jawa's minions forgot to turn on the juicer. Darth Jawa punished the stupid minion by torturing him for a few days and then juiced him. When he consumed the minions juicy remains he discovered that torturing a Jawa before juicing him produced really good Jawa juice.
The Juice Massacre
Later on in his career as a Sith, Darth Jawa was once ambushed by 200 random rebels. All he had to defend himself with was a bottle of alcoholic Jawa juice and a portable juicer. He drank his bottle first so he would not drop it and when they all surrounded him, he beat 170 of them to death with the friggin bottle and juiced the 30 survivors. Thus the moral of the story is: Do not screw with Darth Jawa when he is drunk. He died twice the day before he died.
Legacy
Throughout his life Darth Jawa was training his clone of himself to live on as a Jawaese leader so that there would be enough Jawas in the galaxy to grind into Jawa juice. He never let his clone taste Jawa juice so that the clone would not become obsessed with grinding Jawas or let that get in the way of his mission. When Darth Jawa died his clone took a sip and never went back. Three years later he found himself grinding himself in a blender.
