Darth Elmo: Conquering Two More Planets
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789012345 |
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| Preceded by |
Darth Elmo: Conquering my 7 planets |
Darth Elmo: Conquering Two More Planets is Darth Elmo's self-authored reference guide to his brutal but efficient takeover of Chipsahoy and Coruscant XII. It is the sequel to Darth Elmo: Conquering my 7 planets The illustrations are by Kermit. The book proved to be quite popular (it was scratch and sniff), even making Sith Publishers Weekly's Super Cool Awesome Books That Are 75% or More Pictures! bestseller list.
Contents
Chapter 1: Why I Enjoy Killing
Elmo explains his motives (as dense as they are) for killing: because its fun! He briefly outlines his previous conquests and even foreshadows his eventual ultimate act of betrayal with the line "I hear voices that tell me to make my fur blood red! From my own blood! Yay!"
Chapter 2: Chipsahoy
Elmo outlines how he managed to get past this planets formidable defenses, including its Chewy Planetary Shield (Patent Pending), Chocolate Chip trenches, and the ooey-gooey baking-obsessed cookie natives. The brutal campaign is vividly illustrated (in 3D!), and includes a bonus section "The Best Way to Tickle Torture Baking-Related Species. This chapter uses to the books scratch and sniff feature the most.
Chapter 3: It Was the Worst of Times...
Elmo briefly goes off on a tangent about his problems with LifeSaber gummies addiction, his secret crush on Big Bird, and his deep-rooted sympathies for prematurely born puppies.
Chapter 4: Coruscant XII (Stupidest Campaign EVER!)
Elmo begrudgingly recalls the long and tedious (not to mention bloody, rain-soaked, daylight savings time restricted, pink colored uniform laden...) battle to capture Coruscant XIII. The planet was home to thousands of Muppets, Democrats, and astromech droids, all of whom had to something to gain by opposing Elmo (although the droid's motives were dubious at best). It is interesting to note that Elmo swears a total of 467 times this chapter.
Chapter 5: Why I Love Guitar Hero
Elmo here praises Guitar Hero for no apparent reason. A recipe for country fried steak can also be found in this chapter.
Bibliography
Here Elmo doesn't cite his sources.
