Darth Donger
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| Darth Donger | |
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| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Hair color |
Black |
| Eye color |
Brown |
| Cybernetics |
Went through five kidneys and two livers. |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Affiliation |
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| Known masters | |
- "No more yanky my wanky! Darth Donger needs food!"
- ―Darth Donger at a Burrito King
- "Meesa wanna smack the shit out of that eediot!"
- ―Jar Jar Binks
- "There is no sin except stupidity. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work at Uncyclopedia to take care of."
- ―Oscar Wilde on Darth Donger
Darth Donger, born Darth Donger and sometimes referred to as The Donger, was an Asian stereotype Sith who could never do anything right because he was constantly drunk. Ironically, he also was the sole member of the Duo of Death, inherited to him after accidentally stabbing his master, Piglet and decapitating the other founding member of the duo, HK-47. For many months, Darth Donger tried to get hired for a mission. Of course, nobody would hire him for fear of accidentally getting killed themselves.
At age eighteen, Darth Donger had accidentally destroyed fifty-six planets making him one of the biggest doofuses, if not the biggest, in the entire galaxy. Turning age twenty-four, Darth Donger officially joined the Sith Order where he trained with the group, the Brat Pack, to emulate the amazing power of Darth Elmo's Fire into their line of work. Darth Donger failed, however, killing the entire group in a freak paper-cutting accident. The Sith Masters were extremely displeased with the boy and banned him from the entire galaxy, as Donger ventured off into a zany trail of a series of comedic adventures. The Donger lived on his own for several hundred years until journeying back to the galaxy and accidentally killing every person on every planet in the entire galaxy in an incident later named "The Great Boom." Mankind was no more, as Darth Donger yelped out a quirky, "Oopsy-daysy!" Not long after, Darth Donger accidentally dropped an inflatable forklift on his head, stabbed himself, and ended mankind for good.
Biography
Early life
Darth Donger was born Darth Donger on the world of Asia to parents Darth Dipshit and Darth Smegma. At a young age, Donger found liquor highly enjoyable after seeing his favorite actor, Mando Calrissian, advertising a famous brand of alcohol on his holo-set. Donger then went on drinking spree, racking up more than fifty-four drinks an hour. During one of his many days of drinking, Darth Donger accidentally plowed down both his parents while driving the family jet-ski through the house. This was enough to send him over the edge, as Darth Donger's transformation into Darth Donger was complete.
Joining the Sith/Joining the Duo of Death
Upon joining the Sith, Darth Donger discovered that the Order had a fifteen drink maximum for non-MANDALORIAN members and quickly left. While on a mission to the academy, Piglet and HK-47, the two founding members of the Duo of Death, discovered the young boy and Piglet decided to train him in the ways of the Force. The Donger swiftly jumped on board and was trained for the next few days to come. During those days, Darth Donger faced one mission as he attempted an assassination on the final member of Sesame Street, Bert. Upon arriving to Tatooine, Darth Donger found that Sesame Street had been turned into a liquor store in the years following Darth Elmo's death. While (half) sober at first, The Donger found himself chugging down six-packs by the minute, giving Bert just enough time to escape. While escaping, Bert also set the place on fire to collect insurance money so he could open up another liquor store. Surrounded by liquor and fire, Darth Donger opted to stay and down as much of the alcohol as he could before it too caught fire. Amazingly, his plan succeeded and he escaped unscathed. During this mayhem, Piglet and HK-47 were watching closely just outside. So drunk he could barely feel his gigglestick, The Donger accidentally stabbed his master and decapitated HK, believing they were both Bert in disguise.
Running the Duo of Death by himself
The Asian took over the Duo in the weeks that followed. He found that after the deaths of his masters, nobody wished to hire the Duo. Because of this, The Donger paid himself to destroy planets. Several years later, after returning from a mission to Chipsahoy, Darth Donger found that things had changed at the Sith Academy. The maximum number of drinks you could consume at once had been done away with. The Donger knew it was his time to join. Enrolling in the academy, Darth Donger was never happier. The Asian also enlisted in a Sith group called the Brat Pack, created in an attempt to emulate Darth Elmo's Fire into their fighting style. While not successful at first, the Brat Pack eventually stepped onto the correct trail, finding the right ways to use the amazing power. Then, all hell broke loose yet again as Darth Donger accidentally killed every person in the group in a freak paper-cutting accident. The Sith banished The Donger from ever returning to the galaxy again.
Into the wild
Living on his own in the wild of space, The Donger would float endlessly drinking nothing but his treasured alcohol. Being as he didn't have any sort of vessel to travel in, (because as you know, Asians don't need oxygen) The Donger never got far before returning back into his own galaxy several hundred years later. The Sith deployed as many fighters as they could at once to take care of Darth Donger, afeared that he'd accidentally kill every one of them. This proved to be difficult for the Sith as he did indeed destroy every fighter that would journey near him, accidentally of course. Thousands of explosions went off at once, causing mass deaths. The war against Darth Donger raged on for several days, just before the Sith ran out of people. Mankind was gone, leaving Darth Donger as the last man alive.
The Omega Man - Death
Darth Donger didn't last long living on his own, just before dropping an inflatable forklift on his head and stabbing himself through the chest, just as he had done to his master so many years before. Darth Donger was officially dead... by accident, of course.
Legacy
Being as Darth Donger killed everyone in the galaxy, nobody ever remembered him. The end.
Behind the scenes
Darth Donger was portrayed by Asian actor Ray Romano.
