Darth Dateline NBC
| |
| Darth Dateline NBC | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
When some guy just became too perverted and wanted to have relations with everyone born with a vagina in the galaxy |
| Died |
Despite dying, he's still around... monitoring your every move |
| Physical description | |
| Species |
Holo-program host |
| Gender | |
| Height |
He won't tell us |
| Hair color |
Brownish |
| Eye color |
Blue |
| Cybernetics |
None...that we know of... |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) |
The Time of NBC |
| Affiliation | |
| Known masters | |
| Known apprentices | |
- "Hi, I'm Darth Dateline NBC. Why don't you sit right over there."
- ―Darth Dateline NBC after finding Cassus Fett feeling-up a three-month old Wookiee Goldberg
Darth Dateline NBC was an evil Sith Mega-Super-Overlord best known for hosting his own holo-program, "To Catch a Geek". Darth Dateline NBC, also known as Chris, came into existence when Darth Boner, a really perverted guy, began hitting on a group of younger women, hoping to have relations with them. Before Boner knew it, a deadly parasite burst out of his chest, instantly killing the man in a freak incident. Several days later, that parasite spawned into a man named Chris.
At first, Chris didn't know where to turn. But after being interviewed by several reporters, Chris found himself getting an offer to host his own holo-program, regularly busting people like his "father". Chris gladly accepted the offer and began his work hosting the holo-program, now named "To Catch a Geek". One of Chris's first jobs was to secretly penetrate the perverted Darth Fellatio's Sith forces and train **cough** under him, a task Chris gladly accepted. As he joined with the Sith, Chris began his training, something which he actually enjoyed. By the end of the training, Chris's "transformation" into Darth Dateline NBC was complete. During training, Chris was able to gain enough information to put an end to Darth Fellatio's empire. However, in an odd move, the man held the information back, preferring his title as Darth Dateline NBC over any other. It was at this point that Darth Dateline NBC knew he was never returning from the Sith.
After several years of having his title, the producers of "To Catch a Geek" began growing suspicious as Chris's training was only supposed to last two weeks and they had yet to hear from him. The producers realized their host may in fact never return and sent a team in the retrieve him. However, upon their arrival, the men were all captured by Darth Fellatio who held them hostage and, um... tortured them using his signature torture move. **ahem** Just at this time, Dateline NBC walked in and discovered the horror of Fellatio's torture upon the men. Feeling a small amount of guilt, but really just pity, Darth Dateline NBC killed his master, earning the title of Sith Mega-Super-Overlord. Incidentally, he killed the producers, as well, taking over his former show and reclaiming it as his own.
Darth Dateline NBC began hosting the show out of his garage daily, busting perverts. Being as he was now a Sith, Dateline NBC had to change the concept of the show a bit, making it so only the Jedi were the ones being busted. After ten strong years of this, Darth Dateline NBC when, while raiding the Ebon Hawk in search for Revan, was killed upon meeting Mission Vao. Finding the fourteen year-old Twi'lek absolutely beautiful, Dateline NBC's groin exploded, putting an end to the Sith Lord's reign of pervert busting.
Biography
Early life
Darth Dateline NBC was "born" when Darth Boner began hitting on a group of underage women, hoping to score with them. Several seconds later, a weird parasite burst out of Boner's chest, crawling away as the Sith Lord died.
Life on the streets was hard for the parasite. It would often grow hungry as it was unable to pay for food. At one point, the parasite even attempted to get hired, but due to racial neglect against parasites in the workplace, it was forced out of working for the local Burrito King. However, things began took a turn for the better not long after as that little parasite spawned into something just as deadly: a man named Chris. Chris began working again at the Burrito King when one day, he found dozens of reporters swarming around him, asking about Darth Boner's death. Chris learned that killing the Sith Lord had in fact garnered him much attention throughout the galaxy. He also began receiving offers to appear on several upcoming holo-programs, including How I Met Your Maker and Imperial Shuttle Confessions. However, only really caught his attention: To Catch a Geek, a program Chris would host to find and kill perverted Sith. Being as he was spawned from a perverted Sith Lord himself, Chris was on-board.
Sith
Not long after, Chris found himself busting people like his "father" on a daily basis. His holo-program showed that many Sith, including jolly ol' Palpatine, were total pervs. While filming an episode of the program, Chris received the news that his next job would be to secretly join forced with the evil Darth Fellatio who was suspected of being a pervert, as well. Chris prepared himself for the job ahead and left to train as a Sith apprentice.
As Chris arrived at the academy, he began noticing something fresh about it, unlike anything he had experienced before. As he trained under Darth Fellatio, he got the evidence against the Sith Lord he needed. Witnessing hundreds of perverted acts Fellatio did every day, Chris was more than ready to present the evidence to his producers so he could kill the man. However, he was unable to bring himself to go through with it. Something about the Sith kept luring him back in. Chris completed his training, transforming into the treacherous Darth Dateline NBC.
Darth Dateline NBC's first mission was to destroy the moons of Alderaan. However, upon finding that there were in fact no moons of Alderaan, Dateline NBC returned to Fellatio and told him he had destroyed them. The man was soon rewarded for this.
During this period, Darth Dateline NBC converted to Plunkism while trying to uphold his mantle as Sith. He traveled to the uttermost ends of the galaxy looking for means of supporting his religious yearnings. Over time, he settled into a routine of frequenting Korriban. There, he dined on special food used by Plunkists.
Returning to "To Catch a Geek"
After three years of waiting for Chris to return, the producers of "To Catch a Geek" grew suspicious, as his training was only supposed to last two weeks. The producers put together and deployed a team to retrieve their host. However, when the team infiltrated the Sith academy, they were soon caught by Darth Fellatio. Darth Dateline NBC heard of this and rushed back from his next mission to meet with the men.
When he returned, he found the team being tortured by Fellatio, using his signature torture technique. Dateline NBC was stunned to find this. Pitying the men, Darth Dateline NBC killed his master. While killing Fellatio, he also killed the retrieval team as well so he could dominate his holo-program once more. As he left Coruscant, Darth Dateline NBC returned to his former home, instantly killing the remaining producers of his program. After establishing connection with a hand-held camera, Dateline NBC began broadcasting his show once more out of his garage, making the show a hit once again. Of course, the premises of the show was soon changed, switching the plot of locating perverted Sith to locating perverted Jedi.
Apprentices
As he returned to the program, Dateline NBC decided to train an apprentice in the ways of the Force. The Sith Lord interviewed countless possible apprentice, narrowing the possibilities down each week. Finally, at the end of his interviewing, Darth Dateline NBC narrowed it down to two men, ultimately choosing Darth Cheaters as his apprentice over the other man. Over the next few weeks, Dateline trained the young man not only in the ways of the Force, but holo-programming, as well.
After knightning his first apprentice, he discovered a young banana in a Burrito King, who was strong in the Dark Side. Darth Dateline NBC took on the fruit as an apprentice and after vigorous training, knighted the banana Darth Banana (he was very unimaginative and couldn't make up a good name). When his apprentice attempted to conquer the universe, Dateline NBC gave him bad strateigic advice and Darth Banana lost the war. Darth Banana had his revenge by throwing Darth Dateline NBC down a well, but he survived...
Controversy
Darth Dateline NBC received heavy controversy when he found that his apprentice revealed uber-secret logs of a chat between Dateline and an unidentified thirteen year-old girl. The following is an excerpt of said conversation:
<CaptWilly>so how old r u??? <MelvinFett>13 <CaptWilly>u mean 23 rite??? typo rite??? <MelvinFett>no i m 13 <CaptWilly>damn <CaptWilly>so where do u live??? <MelvinFett>i live on coruscant <CaptWilly>and ur a chik rite??? <MelvinFett>um yes <CaptWilly>good good! so do u ever [CENSORED]??? <MelvinFett>no i cant say i do <CaptWilly>do u want me 2??? <MelvinFett>um......... <CaptWilly>i wanna [CENSORED] like an oompa loompa <CaptWilly>[CENSORED] on cats <CaptWilly>then i want u 2 [CENSORED] my gigglestick <CaptWilly>u hav any pix??? <MelvinFett>no........... <CaptWilly>want some of me???? <MelvinFett>not realy <CaptWilly>ok let me get em (Two minutes later...) <CaptWilly>[GOATSE SITE REMOVED] <MelvinFett>wow <CaptWilly>do u want me 2 do the same 2 u??? <MelvinFett>hell no <CaptWilly>ok where will we meet so i can??? <CaptWilly>im lookin 4ward 2!
Darth Dateline NBC refrained from making any sort of comment about the subject, but did destroy his apprentice's planet.
Death
After a long time, he uncovered a time machine on Korriban and attempted to use it to alter history and become to dominant talk show host in the galaxy. But when he used the time machine, he found himself hopelessly lost in the Unknown regions. While raiding the Ebon Hawk one day in attempt to locate and kill Revan for having Mission Vao as part of his party, the Sith Lord was confronted by Vao herself. Stunned by her beauty, Darth Dateline NBC could not resist this Twi'lek. The man would never reach Revan, as shortly thereafter, Dateline's groin blew up. While initially killed, Darth Dateline NBC came back to life when Mission began performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him. Upon waking back up to find Mission still performing the mouth-to-mouth, Dateline had a heart-attack and permanently died.
Legacy
Many fanboys were angered when Darth Dateline NBC caught them and put an end to their perverted ways, so it came as no shock to the galaxy that after Dateline's death, many fanboys rejoiced by participating in several acts that I'm not even sure are legal to mention. Even Dateline's own apprentice, Darth Cheaters participated in these acts.
He's also appeared as a Force ghost, preparing to bust his latest perverted victim, <insert name here>.
Anger issues
Darth Dateline NBC had a very bad temper. It got even worse whenever somebody messed up his program. If this happened, he would proceed to Force choke the retard and then everything would be better... well for him, anyway.
Appearances
- Tales of Darth Jawa
- Tales of Darth Jawa: A Dark Apprentice (mentioned only)
