Darth Complainer

Darth Complainer
Biographical information
Homeworld	Tatooine, just like everyone else
Born	Much to his parent's dismay
Died	Never
Physical description
Species	whiny complainer
Gender	It's hard to tell, isn't it?
Height	Something he would complain about people knowing
Hair color	Unknown, he always complained about the natural color
Eye color	Blue
Cybernetics	None
Chronological and political information
Affiliation	Sith
Known masters	Darth Lazy
Known apprentices	He would have complained if he had one

[Source]

Random Person: "Help! Help! The building's on fire!!"

Darth Complainer: "My office is on fire? Do you know how much paperwork I'm going to have to go through now?"

— Darth Complainer, whiny as always

Darth Complainer also Darktor (Dr.) Complainer, was a whiny Sith Underlord. He even beat Anakin Skywalker (5-time defending champion) at the Intergalactic Whining Competition. I know, it shocked all of us once we heard. Complainer, in addition to being a huge whiner, was also the second most annoying Sith in the galaxy. The only Sith more annoying than him was Darth Annoying.

He was born on Tatooine, where he was abandoned by his parents because he whined too much. Luckily, some lazy Sith named Darth Lazy needed an apprentice and someone to do his laundry. Complainer was the perfect choice. Lazy and Complainer lived together for many years before their relationship soured and they ended up dueling. Defeating his master, Darth Complainer graduated from a Sith college with a degree in psychology, opening up a practice on Nabooboo. He later moved to Alderaan, but the hippies there rendered him insane and he now lives out the rest of his life on his homeworld, Tatooine, where he writes books and pursues his favorite hobby of complaining.

Biography

Early Life

Employee: "Please just stay here and play with these toys."

Darth Complainer: "But they were made in China!"

— A young Darth Complainer

Darth Complainer was a complainer born and on Tatooine (DUH). At his birth, his parents abandoned him because he began to whine about how his sheets weren't made out of 100% Egyptian cotton. He was then donated by his parents to the Baby Organ Removal Adoption Facility. He was spared from a terrible fate when Darth Lazy, a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord who was too lazy to look for his own apprentice, came there to watch TV. While Complainer whined about how they didn't have cable, this incredibly hot employee begged Darth Lazy to take him far, far away from her. Lazy agreed if she promised to give him a backrub, which, to many shouts of "My eyes! My eyes!" on her part, she did. Then, Lazy decided, why not let this whiny dipshit Force-sensitive child be his apprentice? He can do laundry, can't he? Thus Darth Complainer was born.

Darth Ruptus interrupts

Yo, Complainer, I'm really happy for you, Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time! The best videos of all time! Yeah, you probably gonna complain about this, right? Darth Complainer doesn't care about black people!

Apprenticeship

Darth Lazy: "To be a Sith is to be a man. You have to show the world that you eat meat!"

Darth Complainer: "But I'm a vegetarian!"

— Darth Lazy and Darth Complainer five times a day

Darth Complainer had the roughest apprenticeship in Sith history under Darth Lazy, most likely because Lazy was the laziest Sith ever. Lazy made him take out the trash, do the laundry, make him sandwiches, and once (Complainer never fully recovered from this incident) had to rub anti-fungal peppermint lotion on his master's feet. Indeed, no one has ever suffered the horrors Lazy imposed on his young apprentice.

But Complainer's complaints also took their toll on Darth Lazy. Every time Lazy tasked him with something else it was always complain, complain, complain. The only reason Darth Lazy kept his apprentice is because he was too lazy to find a new one.

That was until he lost his patience with Darth Complainer. Complainer had "accidentally" put a red sock in with all of Darth Lazy's white underwear bin and proceeded to wash them, rendering the items a shocking shade of hot pink. Though Complainer expressed no deep remorse for this folly, Darth Lazy wouldn't hear it and viciously attacked his apprentice with his own technique, the Force Snore, which created a sound so loud it knocked Complainer into the opposite wall. Complainer responded with the Force Bawl. A fierce battle ensued, but in the end Darth Lazy got PWNed after Complainer used his specialty, the Force-Leave-Me-Alone-I-Just-Want-To-Complain, to knock Lazy out of existence. It was the end of Darth Complainer's apprenticeship.

Career as a Sith

"But I was going into Sithie Station to pick up some POWAH converters!"

―Darth Complainer's excuse for being late in math class at the Sith Community college

Complainer then went to a Sith Community college because Darthvard wouldn't accept him (makes you wonder why, doesn't it?. He earned a doctorate in Psychology, hence being known as Darktor Complainer. He opened up a practice on Nabooboo because of all the psychotics there. Later, when all the psychotics died or left, he opened up a new one on Alderaan, but left because everyone was a psychotic. So he retired from psychology and wrote a book: 1,001 Things the Jedi Do That Really Piss Me Off. He now lives on Tatooine, devoting himself to sithly duties and complaining about the Jedi, especially Mace Windu (You could pay the overpaid, lazy, do-nothing Senate for millennia with the money he spends on back-waxes).

Darth Complainer never achieved the title of Sith Overlord due to the fact he never destroyed a single planet. Come on! The most feared Sith in the galaxy, and not a single planet destroyed? But then again, he always complained about violence. And everything else, for that matter.

Personality and traits

Anakin Skywalker: "You're going to pay for all the Jedi you killed today, Complainer."

Darth Complainer: "I know. That's why I had my insurance company pay coverage."

Anakin Skywalker: "Then you'll pay for the expresso you ordered. It's $7.50."

Darth Complainer: "$7.50!? And it wasn't even French Vanilla!"

―Anakin Skywalker and Darth Complainer do battle

Darth Complainer was a slaughterer of many Jedi, especially when he was in his whining frenzy, which was most of the time. A formidable foe thanks to his tutelage under Darth Lazy, he could slaughter most of his opponents easily, more than one at a time. Few Sith stood a chance against him and his whines, and definitely no lame Jedi, who upon seeing him surrendered themselves at once rather than being told that their wash was too strong or they forgot to use deodorant. Yep, Darth Complainer was definitely a feared Sith when it came to smelly, pathetic losers.

Unlike many Sith, however, Darth Complainer never became the subject of fanboy fetishism. The reason for this lies in the ancient Sith proverb about how we hate most in others that which we fear most in ourselves. Also, there was that time when Darth Complainer went off on that big tirade at the Sith Convention, telling all the fanboys to "get a life." (Some observers speculated he was just mad because nobody came to his autograph table).