Darth Baker
| |
| Darth Baker | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
In a vile place |
| Died |
In a vile place |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Height |
2.0 Meters |
| Hair color |
Brown |
| Eye color |
See above section |
| Cybernetics |
Integrated spatula |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) |
Rise of the Slice |
| Affiliation | |
| Known masters | |
| Known apprentices | |
- "I em Dert Beker, feel free-a tu teste-a my epprenteeces, zeey ere-a reelly guud!"
- ―Darth Baker, referring to his Bread-based Sith
Darth Baker was the most dangerous (and only) Sith Mega-Super-Baker-Overlord ever and the co-founder of Sith Academy of Culinary Arts. He was not the type who makes planets go kaboom. Instead he preferred to bake things that make planets kaboom. He was the maker of these Sith Lords, who waged war throughout the galaxy. His first apprentices were Darth Slice and Darth Yeast, and many many more didst rise and bake in his vile oven.
His love of Frog Legs was legendary, and possibly brought on by a traumatic childhood experience with a rapist frog (a frog who rapes, not a person who rapes frogs). Many of these Frogs met their deaths in his kitchen. Even the aggressor in the earlier incident feared him. This, coupled with his love of Jawa Juice Sauce made him one of the most formidable Sith ever.
His fondness for the dark arts of cooking, however, would lead to his demise. The vile apprentices he would bake in his ovens would turn upon him, and kill him in the end. Darth Slice and Darth Yeast would become the most famous of these creations.
Instead of a lightsaber, he wielded a Light-Rolling Pin, a deadly instrument of evil cookery that only he knew the secrets of. This is because (as we shall see soon enough) evil.
Biography
Frog PWNING
As a young chef, he met Yoda who almost Pwnd him to death. After recovering from his wounds he swore revenge upon Frogs all over the galaxy. Shortly after this incident he abducted Yoda's son Kermit who escaped Darth Baker's wrath in the nick of time (Kermit did, however, lose a leg which Darth Baker turned into a soup for Darth Darth Binks). Darth Baker was made angrier than ever, so he lured many frogs into his kitchen and whom he promptly turned into a pasta garnished with blue milk spiked with Jawa juice and a teency, weency piece of pure Evil on top. This he consumed with much joy on his newly founded cooking show, in which he posed as a Swedish Chef to disguise his turning towards the Dark Side of the Force.
Darth Baker Arises
- "Frum noo oon, I veell breeng zee peeen tu "
- ―zee gelexy by creeteeng greet, creespy, yoommy-doommy, itchy-beetchy-scretchy Seet.[src]
No one knows when exactly this event occurred, but it was one of the darkest moments of the galaxy, when he arose from the dark corners of his kitchen. He found out that he could use the Force to create "life" and "snacks" (all in a delicious package). Then he decided to use his powah and skills, pwning many Frogs and doing other things that a Sith liked to do. Then he built a brand new oven and created his first apprentice (who shall be discussed shortly). Now the entire galaxy would be made to pay for its ignoring of this evil.
The Birth of Darth Slice
- "Mmmmm yummee!"
- ―Darth Baker after finishing Darth Slice
Using a recipe he discovered in a Sith holocron, he created the first of his Bread based Sith apprentices, Darth Slice (beating that jerk Darth Plagueis and his playing God by a good hundred years) in what is known as The Ultimate Act of Bakery. However, Darth Slice had no ears, meaning he could not listen to the orders of his master. An enraged Darth Baker hurled his apprentice out the window, who proceeded to go out in search of Evil things to do.
The Birth of Darth Yeast
- "Lord Yeasties, arise...""
- ―Darth Baker to his new apprentice
Starting with new dough from scratch, Darth Baker created his second apprentice, the fearsome Darth Yeast. This apprentice suffered from none of the defects of his predecessor; he was very formidable indeed. Taught in the ways of Darkness by his master, he became a being of pure Evil. Full of hatred for all things not made of dough, he led Darth Baker's legions of food forth from the vile ovens that spawned them. This assault took the galaxy by surprise, and all fled before them. The armies of food went out and took over all the television networks, so that the only programs shown were the Dark Lord of Bakery's cooking shows.
Loss of an Apprentice
But Darth Baker could not hold onto his ambitious little creation forever. Soon Lord Yeast rose to such great powah that Baker had to confront him. The two dueled viciously, until the apprentice was beaten by the master. Darth Yeast fled the battle as fast as a ball of yeast can. But Baker was not at loss for he knew he could always make another one in his kitchen. And daily did the Powah and might of his cooking show grow.
Life Day Feast
As Life Day approached, Darth Baker wanted to prepare something special for his old master, Darth Darth Binks. So he chose the The Grand Army of the Imperial Chicken Corps (who had only recently been reincarnated after the debacle on Malachor II) as his victims. Luring them into his kitchen, he baked them in a casserole with a Jawa juice sauce which he presented to Lord Binks, who was most pleased. He was so pleased he destroyed some planets in celebration.
Final Duel
- "No! Me cooky veende verde bork bork Darthsky Yeasty!"
- ―His last words
However, Darth Baker had forgotten someone: Darth Yeast, his old apprentice. Yeast allied himself with the rejected Darth Slice, and the duo led their combined forces against Darth Baker. Baker fought as best he could, dicing many vegetables with his cleavers, crushing cookies with his rolling pin and hurling many of his attackers into a bowl of soup. But resistance was futile, for when Darth Yeast and Darth Slice revealed themselves they outdueled him, and hurled him into his own ovens. But whether he is dead is not certain. For now...
Powers and abilities
- "Børk! Børk! Børk!"
- ―Darth Baker's war cry while using Saber throw
Apart from being one of the best creators of evil food, he was also a master of a dark art called: Sith cuisine. He was also very adept in the usage of a lightsaber in combination with using the saber throw technique and a rolling pin. Many kitchens were demolished by Darth Baker this way.
At an unknown point in time, Darth Baker perfected his recipe for "sooper-schmurty-flurty-beeshy-boshy-cluuuuuune-a!", which allowed him to make bread-based human clones of droids and other machines using the mystic power of weaselpudge. This allowed him to create his "daughter", Sophitia Alexandra.
Appearances
- Cookers of Evil
- Aunt Jemima Butterworth and the Syrup Factory
- Revenge of the Slice
