Bert

Bert and Ernie in love.

"Rub-a-dub-dub! In a tub! I love my penis!"

―Bert, singing

Bert was a member of Sesame Street, and Darth Elmo's right-hand puppet. He became the leader of Sesame Street following Elmo's suicide. He was the brother of Ernie, the mother-in-law of Jolee Bindo, and the father of Rod and Nicky. Upon seeing the video footage that had led to the suicide of his brother Bert vowed (while chugging a six pack) to kill Darth Bob. But he failed because Darth Bob killed the intoxicated Puppet.

Role in the organization

Bert was second-in-command to the planet destruction team. He would molest his enemies along with Ernie. He led the organization on two separate occasions: one during Darth Elmo's kidnapping and another after his death. He was the last organization member to die, therefore getting rid of the menace of Sesame Street forever...right?

Romances

One of the images captured by Darth Bob, just outside the window.

It has been rumored that he once had a homosexual affair with his own brother, Ernie. This is supported by the fact that images have been found showing parts of the incident. The images depicted Bert's pants around his legs and [CENSORED BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO WRONG]. Other images have since turned up.

Another rumor stated that after Bert's suspected relations with Ernie resulted in his male impregnation and the birth of Rod and Nicky, Bert stopped his affair with Ernie upon the latter's insistence due to their intense hatred of children. However, Bert would continue to molest both his sons, which Rod reportedly enjoyed (but came to hide this fact later in life).

Powers and abilities

Many of Bert's abilities involved flowers, due to him being a homersexual Sith. He could attack multiple opponents with a massive blossom shower, or cause roses to rain of them from above. He could also shield himself inside a flower, protecting him from most attacks. He also could regenerate his head in the event it was lost, as shown when Darth Elmo punished him. He was a very powerful Muppet. In fact, next to Darth Elmo, he was the most powerful member of Sesame Street.

Bert being killed by Darth Bob.

Death

After most of the organization member's deaths, Bert decided to create a new base for the organization on Tatooine. Using the Sesame Street frigate, he took it there. However, on the way there, the ship was destroyed by the intergalactic armada. Bert narrowly managed to escape the destruction, but Dearth Nadir wasn't so lucky.

Bert floated in space for a while, but eventually made it there. However he was assassinated by Darth Bob, as said above. He killed him by ripping his arms off. How painful!

Personality

Next to Darth Elmo, Bert was possibly the most evil being in the galaxy. He committed horrific crimes, from molesting innocent aliens to destroying planets. However, he was quite fond of Ernie, the only person he actually cared about other than himself. His death deeply saddened him.

• A famous speech by Bert