Battle of Geonosis
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- "We're about to be executed, the Jedi are dead, the Separatists deployed their battle droids, and Anakin is making out with Padmé! However, I have good news... I just saved a bunch of credits on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"
- ―Obi-Wan Kenobi, on the Battle of Geonosis
The Battle of Geonosis was the first battle of the Clone Wars. It occurred when Obi-Wan Kenobi went to Geonosis looking for a decent credit card (that was not declined to a slightly swipe-happy Anakin) and ended up getting arrested by bugs for jaywalking, and the fiasco descended into a full-scale battle.
Pre-Battle of Geonosis
- "May I ask why a Jedi Knight is jaywalking on the streets of Geonosis?"
- ―Count Dooku, to Obi-Wan
While Obi-Wan was on a mission to discover a sinister plot, he decided to pass by the IRS outpost on Geonosis. He checked his account balance and thought he needed to get a credit card to make his budget a lot easier to handle. So he did.
After settling things, he stumbled across a funny-looking man. They had a little chat and without him knowing, he was robbed by this funny-looking man on the Geonosis plain. It was his credit card. He used the Force to locate this man. He didn't see the pedestrian lane over there, so he got arrested by the GLP or the Geonosis Local Police.
He was questioned in the interrogation room. Things were not going as planned. He disobeyed his mandate. He was a complete wreck! Well, anyway, he was questioned by this old guy with very white hair.
During the Battle
- "You have fought gallantly. Worthy of recognition in the Archives of the Jedi Order... Now it is finished. Give us some burritos and your lives will be speared... Yeah, you heard me right, speared!!!"
- ―Count Dooku
Obi-Wan was with his student and his student's fiancée when they were caught in the center of the pit bull arena. They were hopeless. Yet they somehow survived the attacks of the pit bulls.
That was until some bald black guy arrived with his team of Jedi Knights to help this woman called Obi-Wan. They were all nothing but failures. There was Ki-Adi-Mundi, Plo Koon, Saesee Tiin, Shaak Ti, Kit Fisto, Luminara Unduli, Eeth Koth, Adi Gallia, Siri Tachi, Stass Allie, Empatojayos Brand, Sora Bulq, K'Kruhk, Agen Kolar, Barriss Offee, Pablo-Jill, Even Piell, T'ra Saa, Roan Shryne, Bultar Swan, Quinlan Vos, and Aayla freakin' Secura! And yeah, they may have destroyed a few hundred robots, but they were still outnumbered.
A few moments later, frog dude captain arrived with battle-ready white men to help save the surviving Jedi. Um. Everybody mentioned in the last paragraph survived, but lots of Jedi died. Like... Fubbity Mubbity and Zeep-Go-Schmutz and Harum Skarum and Itsee Bitsee... y'know, nobodies. Anyway, Yoda and the clones rode to the rescue of the survivors. They were, as always, failures but victorious. They left the pit bull arena, only to find themselves in sandwich formation between the Robot Army. They fought, and won!!!
Duel with the Insurance Guy
- "I don't think so... I won't pay for these damages!"
- ―Obi-Wan, to Count Dooku
While on a ship, Obi-Wan and Anakin followed this Insurance Guy and they landed in some hangar. They turned on their cheese slicers and dueled with the Insurance Guy, but they later found out that he was full of surprises.
Obi-Wan and Anakin dueled against this Insurance Guy and eventually lost. They were about to taste the Insurance Guy's finishing touch until Frog Man arrived.
Frog Man was a good duelist and he could have beaten this Insurance Guy if he hadn't been disturbed by the fact that he had to save Obi-Wan. Then they liven unhappily after the incident. They went back to Coruscant to find that Obi-Wan caused the battle because he checked his bank account balance. It was a bold conclusion...
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