Bail Organa
| |
| George Bail E. Organa | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Died |
0 ABY |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Hair color |
Black |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) |
Galactic Republic |
| Affiliation | |
- Organa: "The delegation from Alderaan wishes to propose introduction of blaster-control laws within Republic space for non-Alderaanians... and would the senator from Corellia please have his aide cease pointing her T-19b rifle at me? Violence is never the solution. Except when we do it."
- Bel Iblis: "Like hell it's not!"
- — Senators George Bail E. Organa and Garm Bel Iblis, on gun control
Bail Organa or Orgie, was hereditary royalty of Alderaan. He served as his planet's senator during the Old Republic. He was a dealer in stolen children, one of whom he adopted. Because of the Clone Wars, his stock portfolio was ruined; therefore he took a loan from Potter. However, he was unable to pay it back, so Potter repossessed his real-estate.
After his death, his seat in the Senate was filled by Senator Schroder, until his death at the hands of one of the Saved by the Bell cast-members. We'll let you decide who it was.
Biography
Early Years
Bail Organa was born into a family of white-supremacist Imperialist Republicans in 33 BBY. Even from birth he was noted for incredible fashion sense, sporting a wardrobe of awesomeness only outmatched by that of Lando Calrissian. Almost immediately he dedicated his life to spreading Galactic Republican domination and smooth capes by becoming a senator, just because he was that awesome. His rise to power was rapid, and his creation of programs to civilize and enlighten the "inferiors" met with great support and praise, including one which established a special hunting unit to provide food for the masses, with the young Organa leading many of the operations personally. Despite vehement resistance from certain members of the affected species, the action overall was a huge success. It also granted Bail an unnaturally large wardrobe of fur capes.
Rise of the Galactic Empire
Bail's food-and-fur campaign backfired when Emperor Palpatine appropriated his hunting squads for the extermination of the old, bearded prudes who were running the Republic, as well as the government seizure of his property on Alderaan by Moff "Potter" Tarkin. Infuriated by this and the concept that only one person should be allowed to exploit the people, he waxed his mustache and founded the Rebellion. This also allowed him to contract a certain Furball of Rage and scoundrel to continue acquiring exotic animal pelts for his outfits, as well as building his own personal fleet and army just so he could make people do whatever the smeg he wanted. And he spent a bajillion credits on new capes just because he could. In order to hide his activities from Imperial Intelligence, he pretended to be a pacifist, much to the ire of crotchety old geezers like Garm Bel Iblis.
Oh, and some old hippie gave him a baby he found in a garbage pile called Leia. She did absolutely nothing upon growing up other than finding out she was the daughter of the nastiest dude in the Galaxy and wearing a sun bather suit for a space slug. Suffice to say she did little of importance to galactic history. She also had a little known brother who did even less.
Destruction of the Empire
Bail single-handedly with help from a mutant Moth woman-thing and the Creature of the Black Lagoon succeeded in assembling a large enough force to finally confront the fleets and armies of the Galactic Empire. Entirely by himself After a unanimous decision by the Rebel leaders, they opted to attack the Death Star II orbiting the serene vacation moon resort of Endor. This led to complications for the commando squads deployed to deactivate the station's shields, as the unhappy furry people captured them and threatened to eat them unless they received 200,000,000,000,000,000 credits and their own spaceship in compensation for Bail's previous policies. Organa, annoyed at this minor upset, promised to pay them after the battle without telling them of the effects of exploding space stations on planetary surfaces. The locals agreed and were driven to extinction shortly after the Battle of Endor from the resulting nuclear winter (with just one important exception).
New Republic and More Capes
After defeating the Galactic Empire, Bail wrote a book, entitled "Cool Capes: Or, How to Start Rebellions and Become a Rich Government Official With an Awesome Wardrobe. Also, Two Chapters on Proper Mustache Grooming". The work was an instant success, putting Organa in the same league as Derek J. Reda as a bestselling author. He also continued campaigning for the continued enlightenment and conquest of lesser species, including authorizing a mass firebombing of Rhodia and, most popularly, starting the Great War O'Boomba Boomba with the Gungans. The Gungans were thoroughly PWNed and were taken into captivity to be bred as specialty food sources. He also found time to start a fashion magazine called Vanity Cape devoted to his favorite article of clothing, capes.
Unfortunately for Organa, he was eventually tracked down by the aging, curmudgeonly and senile Simon the Killer Ewok. In a furious battle which raged across the skyscrapers of Coruscant, Bail and Simon dueled mightily, with most of the planet being destroyed in the chaos in about the first five minutes. Kyle Katarn, annoyed at the idea that two other people could possibly cause so much havoc without him and his mighty Boomstick of Justice, proceeded to instantaneously appear in the middle of the city and stopped the shenanigans with a single blast from his Beard O' Death.
Old Age and the Death of a Cape Wearer
In 50 ABY Bail Organa retired to a golf resort on Mustafar, living out his days as a novelty cape designer, card shark and Republic corruption apologist. In his spare time he invented a Flame Proof Mustache Wax and continued writing for his magazine. He met his tragic demise in 60 ABY, when he tried to test a Flame Proof Cape in the lava lakes on the planet. This act resulted in his incineration. Ironically, the cape itself worked, being the only surviving remains that could be found. Why he did not lava proof all his clothing has remained a major topic of debate among experts.
Personality and Traits
BAIL ORGANA WAS ALMOST THE VERY DEFINITION OF GUN TOTING, COOL CAPE AND MUSTACHE-WEARING MACHISMO, SECOND ONLY TO MR. COOL HIMSELF. 'NUFF SAID.
