Ackbar
| |
| Ackbar | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born | |
| Died |
you sucked the life right out of him!! |
| Physical description | |
| Species |
Mon Calamari |
| Gender |
Male |
| Height |
Six feet, four arms |
| Hair color |
Crap-looking bald brown head |
| Eye color |
Pink |
| Chronological and political information | |
- "It's a tourist trap!"
- ―Ackbar, upon blundering into a cheap restaurant in Rome
Ackbar was a fish guy from the planet Mon Calamari. He had the uncanny ability to identify any trap in the vicinity—whether it be during a battle, in a small gift shop in Minsk, or on Raxacoricofallapatorius -- and then proceed to blunder directly into said trap, whilst flailing his arms about for comic effect. He was a secret Sith within the Rebels and planned to lease them into a trap. He never did Leader them into a trap instead he ended up in said trap resulting in him being eaten at a sushi bar on Danttoine
Later in life
- "It's a trap!"
- ―Ackbar
Later in life Ackbar became a Dark Lord of the Sith, and a member of the Great Sith Family. As a Sith he tried to take control of the internet, he started by attacking the forums on Fark.com, when he was on he attacked each forum by saying "It's a trap!" or "These are not the buttsecks you are looking for, move the Fark along!" His force powers were pretty useless on the internet, but he sure knew how to run his mouth! He could have a clone, but who knows? Anything seems to be possible. Ackbar held his ruse of being a Rebel until some guy tried so suck him into space so he went rouge and conspired with many evil people to destroy the Galexy. He is far from the strongest Sith Lord, he could be beaten by Darth Elmo in combat.
Curiously, he was also a master chef when it came to preparing fried calamari for upper-class banquets. Following his death his body was brought to his subordinate, Wedge Antilles, and he turned him into this tasty dish to be served at Mon Mothra's funeral games.
Cooking Ackbar
It is not easy to trick this big lobster into getting into a big boiling pot, but it is possible. You need to inform him that you are simply checking out your new "jacuzzi". If he proclaims, "It's a trap!", then you will know it is time to "tenderize" him. Simply inform him that putting butter and carrots into his hot tub is not because we are trying to eat him, but to exfoliate his outer lobster shell. Now when it comes to crab crackers, you might be out of luck, as this is a big meal, and a small crab cracker will not do the trick. A possible alternative would be to use one of the huge paper cutters that we all had to use in elementary school. With this meal, boiled potatoes is always good.
Recipe:
25 gallons broth (your choice)
1 Admiral Ackbar
150 mini carrots
50 red potatoes
20 sticks of Lando Lakes Butter
5 cups Jawa juice
10 cups blue milk
Preparing:
1.) Bring your broth to a boil.
2.) Add 1 Admiral Ackbar and butter.
3.) Once the Ackbar appears to be tasty, add in the carrots, potatoes, Jawa juice and blue milk with a dash of salt and pepper.
4.) Let cool for 1 to 2 hours before serving.
The leftovers can be saved, refrigerated and later made into delicious and tasty Admiral Ackballs (which, incidentally, taste best with ketchup). It should also be noted that the Admiral's armor and clothing are both microwavable for that late night seafood craving (Tabasco Sauce is recommended, but not required for this dish).
Eating Admiral Ackbar
- "Ackbar has a distinctly salty sea-food flavor, and is best eaten as the main course. It also recommended that you bring many friends to the meal, as there is too much meat for one to eat (unless, of course, you happen to be a Wampa). You first must remove the outer shell, and then scoop out the juicy remains with your spoon. Bon Appétit!"
- ―Darth Baker's Inter-Galactic Sith Cookbook, Galactic Basic Edition, on properly eating an Admiral Ackbar
Legacy
Admiral Ackbar became a legend for his comment on the battle of Endor "It's a trap!" (also used as his chat up line)
Admiral Ackbar is well known throughout the Galaxy for starting a largely successful line of children's breakfast cereals after having realized that boring old oat meal was in fact a trap!
He is also famous across image boards for his ability to identify and denounce transsexual males posing as females.
He was almost killed by mobsters after saying "It's a crap!"
