A-wing
- "I'm so fast, you can't catch me!"
- ―An A-wing pilot, seconds before hitting an asteroid
A-wings were small, agile craft that lacked shields and didn't require any skills to pilot. They had twin mounted laser cannons that could go around in 360 degrees, making any idiotic pilot (preferably from Tatooine) seem like an ace. A-wings were very cheap and easy to design; they were usually made up of leftover metals which made the ship perfect for the Rebel Alliance. The Alliance ordered hundreds...no wait THOUSANDS of these ships so they could equal the Empire's TIE Fighters. They had a maximum speed of 5000mph which resulted in almost instantaneous blackout for a sober pilot. In result of this, the Rebel Alliance hired any drunk they could possibly find to pilot this fighter.
A-wings and their pilots
A-wing pilots were usually drunks and washouts in all types of ship handling. The Alliance would then send them to a "training school" in which they developed enough hand-eye coordination to not damage friendly forces. After that stage the Alliance sent them into combat and prayed that they would be better pilots then their just-as-inept TIE-flying counterparts.
Though they weren't capable of planetary destruction, the impact of a single A-wing on a Super Star Destroyer's conning tower could bring down the nineteen-kilometer long behemoths. One drunken A-wing pilot single-handedly turned the tide at the Battle of Endor when he obliterated the Executor, Darth Vader's flagship. Sadly, this brave suicidal person did not survive.
Behind the scenes
Many drunks died to bring us this ridiculous valuable information about the A-wing, they also provided us with information about the Rebel Alliance's pilot recruitment methods... Just a few drunks (two, maybe three) managed to survive fighting the Empire long enough to become sober again, leave the Rebels and bring us several files which explained these things in detail.
Much of the scrap metal used to make A-wings came from discount forks bought en-masse from eminent Galactic Fork companies like AlforQ or Forkit Inc. The companies lamented this sort of abuse of such beautiful and wondrous examples of modern technology (the forks, not the fighters) but they loved the millions of credits they earned and subsequently shut up.
