Zillo Beast

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,977 articles
Jump to: navigation, search
The Zillo Beast, pictured here in its natural habitat.
"UNREASH ZIRROW BEAST!"
Nute Gunray

The Zillo Beast was at one time the dominant species of the planet Malastare, until their fellow inhabitants, the Dugs, slowly evolved and developed intelligence. Like all newly-evolved species, the Dugs quickly became interested in drilling Malastare for its natural resources. Because they're evil. As a result of the drilling, the Zillo Beasts' habitat was slowly becoming barren as their species' numbers grew smaller, and confrontation between the two species were subsequently always hostile. That is, until a female Zillo Beast named Pocahontas saved one of the Dug drillers from death at the... spaghetti hands of the Zillo Beast leaders and eventually married the Dug.[1]

In 42 BBY, the Sith Lord, Darth Plagueis, and his apprentice, Darth Sidious, attempted to create a being through waves in the Force, resulting in an immaculate conception within Pocahontas. Surprisingly, this Zillo child was free from Dug DNA, meaning Pocahontas's Dug husband could not be the baby daddy. Believing she had cheated, Pocahontas's husband slaughtered his beloved wife and the few remaining Zillo Beasts, like the animals they were. The Zillo Beasts were assumed to be extinct, but one remained; hiding in the murky depths below the surface of Malastare, Pocahontas's son survived his species' extinction, waiting to crawl back to the surface and avenge his mother. He was a vessel of pure Force and prophesied to return the Zillo Beast species to their former glory....

His name was Godzillo and he was the Chosen One.

The Chosen One

In 21 BBY, the Malastare population experienced a seemingly random communications disruption, and as we all know, a communications disruption can mean one thing and one thing only. And if history is to teach us anything, that one thing is not a good thing in the slightest. So facing the threat of a Separatist invasion, Malastare called upon the Galactic Republic for some much-needed assistance. The Jedi dispatched Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker to the scene[2] along with an army of Clone troopers, all in an attempt recruit the Dugs as allies by halting the invasion using Doctor Manhattan's new bomb. Their mission was a success and the bomb managed to destroy the Separatist's droid army, but not without awakening the last remaining Zillo Beast, Godzillo, who finally returned to the surface of Malastare to kill its inhabitants.

No war can tear apart the fervent love that's shared between a Jedi Master and his Zillo Beast.

The Dugs threatened to kill Godzillo and demanded the Republic's assistance in slaying the creature, but apparently, the Jedi have a strict policy against self-defense[3] and refused to cooperate, even under the magnificent threat of the Dugs abandoning their plans to sign the alliance treaty, and, ya know, death by Zillo Beast. In particular, Mace Windu strongly opposed the Dugs' attempt at slaughtering Godzillo, as he had already grown attached to the Zillo Beast and its amazing personality.[4]

However, because of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's interest in replicating the Zillo Beast's impervious hide synthetically in the hopes of creating an entire Zillo suit for Darth Vader, the Jedi were ordered to somehow capture Godzillo alive and transport him to Coruscant, where Palpatine's scientists would study the beast and eventually make a new Zillo rug for the Chancellor's chambers release him into the wild. The Jedi devised a plan in which they would borrow Carrie Fisher's morning vitamins, feed them to Godzillo, and pretend they had killed the Zillo Beast, thus allowing for the treaty between the Republic and the Dugs, while clone troopers would load the comatose beast into a container and ship him off, per Palpatine's instructions. The plan worked without a hitch, and soon, the Zillo Beast awoke on Coruscant to the most disorienting hangover known to man.[5]

Mon Mothra launches her defense against Godzillo.

Several days later, Chancellor Palpatine decided that it would be in the Republic's best interest to kill the Zillo Beast and extract its scales for a new pair of shoes. But before Palpatine's scientists could kill him, Godzillo managed to escape his shackles and rampage the streets of Coruscant in search of the Senate, hellbent on revenge.

Left with no other choice, Palpatine called upon Mon Mothra to kill Godzillo and put an end to its assault on Coruscant, while Mace Windu rushed to the Senate building in an attempt stop his Zillo Beast lover. After an intense battle lasting several hours, Mon Mothra used gust. It was super effective. Before Windu could even arrive to save the beast, Godzillo was dead.

Legacy

Mace Windu would later attempt to avenge his fallen lover's death by trying to kill Palpatine, though even with the amount of love and compassion between the two, his attempts were in vain and would ultimately lead to his own demise. But it was through this extreme, mutual compassion for Mace Windu that Godzillo was able to become one with the Force, and even project his soul as a Force ghost. He would later appear in this ghostly apparition to Luke Skywalker, following the Battle of Endor.

And the Ewoks sang praise... until Godzillo's appearance was cut out and replaced with the entire cast of The Phantom Menace in subsequent releases.

Personality and traits

Godzillo was usually seen sporting his trademark fedora and toothy smile. "Ha-cha-cha-cha!"

The Zillo Beast was seen as a very friendly species by nature, leading to many dismemberments whenever it attempted to cuddle with its Dug overlords. It was also quite adept at endurance sports, such as running, hurdling, swimming, and ballet, which resulted in Godzillo being hired as the official spokesperson for Bally Total Fitness until his death in 21 BBY. A eulogy was even delivered at his funeral by none other than fellow fitness guru, Tony Little.

Behind the scenes

The Zillo Beast was created, voiced by, and modeled after Dave Filoni's middle finger (With the Dugs representing Wookieepedia), while motion capture was provided by Nolan North. Critics responded well to Dave Filoni's middle finger's performance as Godzillo, praising his two dimensional acting and grandiose character development. On the other hand, Nolan North's motion capture performance was criticized for being too wooden and stick-like.

Notes and references

WookieepediaLogoBouncing-Thumb.gif
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Zillo Beast.
  1. Or maybe that was Avatar.
  2. Because they clearly work well together in crisis situations...
  3. Nevermind Mace's insistence of killing poor Palpatine two years later, all scarred and decrepit, begging for mercy.
  4. Personality goes a long way, and Godzillo happened to be one charming motherkriffin' Zillo Beast.
  5. The Star Wars Holiday Special.