Unknown, far away
February 3rd 1970
|Chronological and political information|
Warwick Davis is, according to his questionable biographical sources, a dwarf actor born in 1970 who answered an ad to appear as an Ewok in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi at age 11. Later he went on to appear in Labyrinth, Willow, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, and the Harry Potter series.
All of this is in fact a carefully crafted cover story. In fact, Warwick Davis is an advance scout for a race of alien leprechauns who plan to enslave humanity. They arrived in a probe in suspended animation and were released into hospitals all around the world. Each infiltrator works independently of the others, but they are able to recognize each other due to a common naming scheme. They are all named after towns in England and California, respectively. Other alien agents from Warwick Davis's brood include: Lincoln Fremont, Chester Oakland, Bradford Fontana, Leicester Stockton, and the most devious one of all, Wolverhampton Sacramento (who may have disguised himself as Humpy the Ewok on live television).
Someday Warwick Davis will feast on your soul. He also plans to de-age Carrie Fisher back to age 23 and keep her in a slave Leia costume for eternity. In the meantime, enjoy him in the British sitcom Life's Too Short, written by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. (Merchant himself is an advance scout for a race of invading giants.)