The Order of the Dork Side

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The Order of the Dork Side is a Galactic religion centered around Spam.


The Order of the Dork Side began as a cult conceived by Watto a few years after Sidney croaked. Resurfacing after being accused of plagiarism at his brother's funeral (that happened to him a lot), Watto claimed he had found the light and would begin championing the cause of non-Force users throughout the galaxy.

He began by consolidating a base of minions that would serve his purpose of Universal Freedom. He searched the galaxy for the most oppressed, suppressed and repressed creatures in all the galaxy till he came across some outcast Ewoks. Ewoks were a species that believed partying with Luke Skywalker was fun and that C-3PO was a deity. So you can imagine what losers Ewok outcasts must be.

Watto gathered these and any other galactic filth he could find and sung them tales of the Sith and their humble origins as big, red, S&M enthusiasts from the planet Ziost; and how by channeling force (and doing humans) they became terrible and feared throughout the galaxy. Except for the last part these were all vicious lies for which Sith desired to destroy his planet (when they eventually found out). His band of galactic losers ate up the shit he fed them and together they began their search for a new means of power.

Experiments With Spam

News soon spread across the Galaxy that Watto and his followers had found an alternative to the Force, namely Spam. Naturally everyone laughed and said Watto was mad, senile, insane and moreover a loser. But Watto ignored them all and went ahead. With his trusted aids he managed to find a way to contain spam, in a can and how they could incorporate it into their bodies by consumption. He labeled the cans as Ultimate Power for the Populace or Pop-Ups and encouraged his minions to consume them. Of course it turned out that the entire Galaxy was right and that eating so much Spam just made his minions sick, sick in the head, that is. His loyal minions were now a mad, rampaging army under no-ones control!

The Dork Side Today

As reports of his ex-minions destruction grew Watto sensed that all was not well with his little cult. Finally as he began facing charges of copyright infringement regarding the name of his cult, Watto abandoned his one attempt to do the right thing and tried to haul ass, but was caught and sent to jail, something that also happened to him a lot.

The Pop-Ups, now leaderless and still quite insane went on to form a splinter cult, which you can read more about here.

As the Spam experiments failed, many of the more notable people that had joined the cult also disappeared into the dark, rumored to have formed a secret society that guarded The Greatest Secret in the Galaxy or something like that.

Other than that the cult was pretty much dead.