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  • War Confirmed! The Galactic Republic hasn't had a war in a thousand years. It's about damn time.
  • G*nk is sighted at K-Mart buying toilet paper with Elvis and JFK!
  • Nadyax Pavanman has her 582,797,754th child.
  • Emperor Palpatine apologizes profusely to Nuknog radio host Slybaugh Limrush after claiming that "nobody knows more about being a Sith than me, including that Limrush guy."
  • The ongoing galactic financial crisis inspires Mace Windu to suicide by leaping from an open window on Coruscant.
  • Perennial third-party candidate Jax Pavan received 582,797,753 electoral votes in this year's Coruscant gubernatorial election, resulting in his unexpected defeat by Jax Pavan.
  • The starship Malevolence is renamed Happy Freedom Sunshine Ship after testing badly among Separatist focus groups.
  • JediGear Inc.-brand Action Backpacks manufactured on Druckenwell have been recalled due to their inability to withstand the weight of huttlets.
  • Yahoo have launched a blatant copy of Wookieepedia wiki-esque Star Wars website, complete with highly informative forums and links to the ever law-abiding YouTube.
  • Yoda and Vandar Tokare have been retconned into one character, known as Vanda Yodokare.