Star Destroyer

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,995 articles
Jump to: navigation, search
Imperial Star Destroyer
Production information

Kuat Drives

Product line

Star Destroyer Class


Pizza Shaped Class


Half a Planets Gross Income

Technical specifications

1.6 km


.6 km


.4 km


50,000 tons

Maximum acceleration

1200 knots

Maximum speed (atmosphere)

1200 knots

Hyperdrive rating


Power output

3 Huge Engines

Power plant

A lot




Pretty Darn Thick


8,000 good chaps

Minimum crew

600 half ass chaps

  • Jedi Scum in the Brig
Cargo capacity

An NFL Stadium

Cargo handling systems

Friendly Flight Attendants


Place has a Farm on it

Life support

Yes you could live there


Kick Ass Era


Shortly after the Clone Wars

Earliest sighting

Shortly after the Clone Wars

  • Rebel Alliance Destroyed good hundreds of them out of close to 1,000,000

Wasn't built to retire

Present for battles/events

Almost Every Imperial Space Battle

Known commander(s)
Known masters

Darth Vader

"Commence firing on that star!...Damn no effect."
Imp captain using a futile attempt to destroy a star

Star Destroyers or Imperial Star Destroyers were Massive objects designed to be the main backbone of the Imperial fleet and unable to destroy stars and destroy your planet. When Darth Vader realized they did not destroy stars, he killed the creators; however, in terms of aesthetic value as a ship, he loved them, so he had a ton built. The Imperial Star Destroyer was the symbol of the Empire's ability to build thousands of huge ships that seemed to be able to get destroyed by a squadron of Rebel Alliance fighters.


Imperial March Playing: Dun dun nuh nuh, Duh nuh nuh, Duh nuh nuh
"Oh, no, problem these babies are easy to make. Just lay a 2 km piece of sheet metal and cut a triangle. Should be no problem."
―Palpatine's hired contractor

During the end of the Clone Wars, Emperor Palpatine needed to replace the Galactic Republic's cooler and much better Venator-class of Star Destroyers. Since the beginning of the every single war that ever happened in the galaxy, warships were based on triangular shapes and pyramid structures. This shape seemed to fit Palpatine, and it seemed that he wanted the Star Destroyer to take a simple shape so he could instill fear to all the people that see the ship. He wanted people to see a Triangle flag hanging outside their house and say "Damn, a Star Destroyer".

Star Destroyers' captain and bridge crew worked in exposed bridges stuck onto the main hull, connected by a relatively narrow pillar and surrounded by windows, which could be destroyed by a few shots from a TIE interceptor. Is that really a good idea?

Palpatine then began production of thousands of these ships from 1,600 meters long to about half the size wide. They were Massive.


"We got a Star Destroyer coming up. Squadron set S-foils to cruise position, and watch me take this baby down all by myself!"
Wedge Antilles, seconds before destroying a SD

From stopping Rebel blockade runners or for simply PWNin the scales out of the Mon Cal ships, Star Destroyers were part of the Empire's unique arsenal. Star Destroyers served as the rally point for TIE fighters when the Rebels pretty much owned them. Hell, if you put pepperoni on this ship, it still serve as a problem for the Rebels.

It's Pretty much the mothafucking mothership.

They packed quite a punch, didn't you see Star Wars Episode IV? I mean, it took at least 25 minutes to catch the Tantative IV, Whoopty fucking Doo. The turbolasers seemed out of place on these ships because they never survived to get close enough to the Mon Cal ships. I mean, the turbolasers couldn't even angle to shoot off the front, WTF they weren't crummy Pirate Ships. So pretty much the ships had to turn sideways, or upside down, or backwards, but like what the fuck they couldn't fire forward. Major engineering flaw, seriously. Star Destroyers weren't as agile as Rebel starfighters and were pretty much like whales out of water. Every Rebel assault plan involved going head on to a Star Destroyer. Well, with a ship that can't unleash all its arsenal forward, attack it head on. So, when the Empire saw this flaw, they usually had their TIEs do a defensive screen, at least giving the X-wings sort of challenge. Then if a ship came up the side, that's a different story because it would get blasted to SMITHEREENS!

In Rebel Use

This guy obviously had to much to drink at that party on the Star Destroyer, and look what happened to him.

If the Rebs didn't utterly PWN Star Destroyers, they simply captured the damaged ones. Since the Rebels were cheap-ass mofos. Well, they recaptured the vessels and turned them into


The Rebels usually used them as Rec-Centers where they worked out all their stress from fighting the evil hands of The Empire, but who really said that the Galactic Empire was the bad guy? When the Rebels partied, they had some serious offenses and illegal happenings.

"I have two accounts of date rape, three accounts for possession of illegal substances, and one account of murder all while partying on a Star Destroyer."
Luke Skywalker, supervising a captured SD

The Rebels sure knew how to party, and maybe the Empire wanted to make a more civilized galaxy, but who knows, maybe the whole Alderaan thing changed that. Other than party use, the Rebels did capture a bunch of Star Destroyers, and it always seemed that the Alliance was better off at handling them than the Empire itself.

The Crew of a Star Destroyer