- "Evil day. Boomin' the planets away. On my way to where destroying planet's so neat! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?"
- ―The Sesame Street motto
The Sesame Street Gang was an evil group of evil creatures, known as Puppets. Led by Darth Elmo at the command of his master, Darth Small, the legendary planet destruction team provided unparalleled planet destruction and also offered a variety of other options, such as the infamous destroy your moon as well as the highly feared destroy your forest. Their base was located inside Darth Fat Guy's fat ass, but nobody ever found it, due to Elmo's Force hide and seek. Feared by many, Sesame Street became an instant unstoppable force. They destroyed over 9000 planets. However, their destruction streak came to an abrupt halt when the team tried to destroy a planet. To their shock, the attempt failed. The bombs they placed failed to explode, as Cookie Monster had tried to save money by purchasing cheap detonators... A nearly unforgivable lapse in judgment. The outcome of their failure sent a rippling shockwave to the heart of the group. Lord Elmo not only killed the suppliers, he also killed their families and everyone they ever talked to. Unable to find jobs, Sesame Street never imagined they'd be hired again.
After several offers including one to be a destruction team for MythBusters, the group finally accepted one. Sith Mega-Super-Overlord Darth Darth Binks was searching for his personal planet destruction team when he came across Darth Elmo's group, quickly impressed by the work they had done. Binks hired them on the spot as the group's destruction streak suddenly came back to life. It was at this time that Darth Elmo enlisted Kermit, a former Jedi, into the group. However, the frog barely escaped the wrath of Elmo as he was kicked out only two days later after he failed to destroy a single planet.
While on a special mission from the Wookiee Elders of Kashyyyk to exterminate a dangerous threat, Darth Elmo encountered said threat; a young Madclaw! named Animal Fett-Goldberg. Fascinated by his Force potential, Lord Elmo agreed to train the boy secretly and let him in among the ranks of Sesame Street. During this time, the newly named Darth Animal proved to be a powerful ally as Lord Elmo found his apprentice accomplishing things Sesame Street could never accomplish before. Sesame Street became even more powerful as they destroyed the world of Yoyo by destroying its moon. Then, not long after, the unimaginable happened as Sesame Street's leader was abducted and tortured by the evil Darth Bob, who actually turned out to be the long-lost brother of Elmo. However, Darth Elmo survived the attack thanks to his secret apprentice and things were back on track again.
Sesame Street went downhill yet again as Elmo's apprentice, Darth Animal, was killed by Kermit in a mission to assassinate the frog. While training his next apprentice, Dearth Nadir, Lord Elmo committed the ultimate act of treachery and killed himself in an attempt to dominate his own empire. Saddened by the news, the members of Sesame Street never recovered from Elmo's death and eventually died out.
- 1 History
- 2 A new member
- 3 Behind the Scenes
- 4 Members
- 5 See also
- 6 Notes and references
Rumors persisted throughout the galaxy for years before Sesame Street's creation that Darth Small had something in the works. When Small first traveled to Daantooiine VII, he found the inhabitants insulting him due to his size. Small found himself soon seeking revenge as he targeted his Mini Death Star at the massive planet, only to destroy a single building instead of the entire world. The Sith Lord angrily commanded his apprentice, Darth Elmo, to assemble a planet destruction team as his first assignment, something the furry Sith did gladly.
Elmo traveled to a distant unknown planet where he encountered a group of idiots who worked at a Gap selling shoes and the like. Among the idiots were Cookie Monster, Grover, Bert and Ernie. There was something he saw in these salesmen that inclined him to train them in the ways of planet destruction. While training the group, Darth Elmo also met a lightsaber shiner he found absolutely repulsive by the name of Oscar. The Sith Underlord also agreed to train him, as well.
Finally, after months of preparing, the group's training was complete. Sesame Street was born.
Sesame Street's first mission was to travel to Daantooiine VII and destroy the planet, killing all Daantooiinians on the world and possibly wiping out the entire species. As the mission was go, Daantooiine VII was destroyed, leaving only breadcrumb-sized chunks of the planet behind. Upon returning home, Darth Small rewarded the team by giving them all a bag filled with cookies... small cookies, of course. When the other Sith Lords heard of the destruction of Daantooiine VII, they all wanted to hire Sesame Street, as well. But only few were lucky enough to be able to pay them. After the cookie incident, Darth Elmo decided that they would tell any future clients to pay before destruction; this meant that they would be able to decide if they were going to destroy the planet or not after they got paid.
After a day of working with the team, Oscar was forced out of the group due to "creative differences". However, years later, the biography of Oscar was released which cited Oscar homophobia as the reason for his departure, as siblings Bert and Ernie were a gay couple. This resulted in much bickering, forcing the Puppet out of a job.
While on a mission to Nar Shaddaa, Sesame Street's leader walked into a cantina where he met a young frog named Kermit. At first, Elmo didn't think much of the boy. This changed when Kermit killed five Twi'leks in a bar fight. What Elmo didn't realize was that another frog had done the damage as Kermit was far too wimpy. Elmo accepted Kermit into the Sesame Street ranks in an unwise move. Kermit joined Sesame Street, but he was kicked out only two days later because he failed to destroy a single planet. While dealing with Kermit, Elmo felt a great disturbance in the Force light years away. At that exact moment, members of Elmo's religion, the Brotherhood of the Bird were being slaughtered by Dr. Dick-Smith Deez Nuts and Emperor Bob Barker. Elmo wanted to join his lord, Big Bird, in fighting these rebels, but instead stayed to further deal with Kermit in a move that Elmo would later regret. Because of this decision, the Brotherhood was killed off entirely. Darth Elmo, in denial, blamed Kermit for the death of his lord. He did everything in his power to kill the frog, just before Kermit escaped. The red Sith devoted all of his power to kill Kermit eventually.
A new member
While planting bombs on a planet, Elmo found a bear eating a corpse. The bear then proceeded to attack him with poisonous honey he had stored in its paws. Deciding the bear would be useful to the organization, Elmo made the bear half-Puppet and named him Baby Bear. He would later become a deadly member of the planet destruction team, mutilating anyone who dared to stand iin their way.
Working for Darth Darth Binks
On their next mission, the group was to destroy another planet. When they tried to destroy said planet, they unexpectedly failed. The reason for this was because Cookie Monster had tried to save the group money by using cheap detonators, the result being failed planet destruction. Darth Elmo furiously killed the suppliers. Sesame Street thought they would never be hired to destroy a planet ever again.
- "Yousa will be my personal idiots... ehhh... mesa means planet destruction team."
- ―Darth Darth Binks
Several months after being unemployed, Darth Elmo re-assembled the group for an offer they couldn't refuse. Darth Darth Binks, a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord hired Sesame Street on the spot and wanted them to become his private planet destruction team.
Over the next few months, the team destroyed many planets for Darth Darth Binks and sometimes were also allowed to destroy a planet just for fun. Binks paid them with many big cookies, unlike Darth Small, and also rewarded them by giving them their own frigate, the Sesame Street Frigate. One of the planets they destroyed for Lord Binks was Xantago XVVIII, which was presumed to be an uninhabited planet but Darth Elmo had discovered that one of Darth Darth Binks' enemies had built a base on the planet which meant it was indeed inhabited. When Darth Elmo told Darth Darth Binks about this, the Sith Lord ordered the immediate destruction of the planet. Darth Elmo planned the destruction carefully: he told Ernie to prepare the explosives while they traveled to Xantago XVVIII. Once they got to the planet, Ernie piloted their ship, Bert placed the explosives, and the other members killed anyone that tried to stop them.
The Wookiee Elders of Kashyyyk desperately contacted Sesame Street in order for a threat to be taken care of. The threat was a Madclaw! Wookiee-MANDALORIAN hybrid named Animal Fett-Goldberg, son of Wookiee Goldberg and Cassus Fett. What Elmo didn't realize was that Wookiee Goldberg had been created from the guttings of Big Bird, who had been killed several years prior. Because he was born a Madclaw!, Animal PWND everything he could get his little hairy hands on. The Wookiee Elders tried to outcast him, only to be PWND themselves. Darth Elmo and Cookie Monster soon confronted Animal, but before the vicious fight could erupt, Darth Elmo sensed something in Animal that he had not sensed since the death of Big Bird. Ordering Cookie Monster to recruit him into the Sesame Street ranks, Elmo believed that this madman could be somewhat of a return of his slain god. As paranoid as Darth Elmo was, he kept the existence of his new apprentice, now named Darth Animal, hidden from most of the Sesame Street members. Cookie Monster was kept silent with the promise of Cookies, Unlimited Cookies. Grover, Bert, Ernie, and Baby Bear never had the slightest clue that Darth Animal the Maniac was watching them closely from the shadows.
An impossible mission
- Bert: "What if we destroy the planet's moon? That would kill everyone on the planet."
- Darth Elmo: "No, I have a better idea. What if we just destroy the planet's moon? That would kill everyone on the planet and allow us to destroy it."
- — Darth Elmo and Bert discussing the destruction of Yoyo
Darth Darth Binks made sure Darth Elmo had more than enough planets to destroy; sometimes he and Sesame Street destroyed as much as three planets a week. On very rare occasions, the team had to destroy moons, and on one such occasion they managed to wipe out an entire planet by destroying its moon. The mission to Yoyo began as any other mission, but soon Darth Elmo came the conclusion that it was impossible to destroy the planet as there were too many soldiers defending it. At first, Elmo was clueless as to how they were going to complete their mission, but
Bert Darth Elmo had a great idea: he figured out that if they destroyed the planets moon, the explosion would devastate the planet and kill everyone on it in the process. After they had destroyed the moon, destroying the planet was very easy being as there was nobody left alive to defend it. In fact this was the easiest destruction in the history of planet destruction.
When he Darth Elmo was ten years old, he found out he was terribly allergic to Twi'leks. After he discovered this, he decided to kill every Twi'lek he encountered. After months of this, just one Twi'lek had managed to escape him: Aayla Secura, who had fortunately escaped while Darth Elmo was busy killing fanboys who were drooling over her. He also tried to destroy the Twi'lek home world, but Darth Darth Binks ordered him not to do it because he loved Twi'leks dearly. Elmo never understood why his master liked the Twi'lek dancers, but now he finally knew why he hated them so much. Disregarding his master's orders to leave Ryloth alone,Elmo ordered his secret hand, Darth Animal, on his first mission: to destroy Ryloth in a super secret Sesame Street black-op mission.
After Darth Elmo and Sesame Street had destroyed more than one-thousand planets for Darth Darth Binks, Elmo was given yet another promotion, becoming a Sith Super-Overlord. After being told there were only few planets that resisted Darth Darth Binks' empire, Darth Elmo was ordered to conquer these planets and use them to start his own empire. Two months later, he and Sesame Street had conquered four of the planets and destroyed sixty-four of them. At this time Darth Elmo received a job offer that involved the death of Bert and Ernie, two members of his planet destruction team. Elmo was extremely displeased about this so he
spent weeks looking for tracked down and confronted the person responsible for the offer.
It turned out turned out that Darth Bob was this person. Upon seeing a pissed off Elmo at his apartment, Bob ran like hell. Elmo blew his planet up and didn't see him again for months. Darth Darth Binks was so pleased, he promoted Elmo again. Elmo was now a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord.
Kidnapping of Elmo
Darth Bob soon returned after Sesame Street's leader had knocked-up his girlfriend, Zoe. After months of plotting, Bob kidnapped Lord Elmo, leaving Sesame Street destroy planets by themselves. As Darth Animal secretly made his way to save his master, Grover, Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster, and Baby Bear saw an attempt at saving Elmo a lost cause and didn't dare try it. Bert, however, went as far as posting "have you seen me?" images across the galaxy in an attempt to find his boss. Over the course of Lord Elmo's kidnapping, Sesame Street was taken over by Bert who re-painted Elmo's office pink, created uniforms for the group and installed a mini-fridge. Sesame Street also adopted the new name, "Bert's Super Happy Fun Planet Destruction Team". Despite the new name, the group failed to destroy any planet during Elmo's absence.
In a shocking turn of events, Darth Elmo returned to find Sesame Street completely changed. Bert, shocked to find his boss alive, found himself dodging several inflatable forklifts as the Sith Lord furiously dropped as many as he could find, hoping to hit the head of Bert. The only way Elmo could forgive Bert was if he ate his own head while standing upside down on a pineapple in space, a task which Bert accepted. Bert somehow survived doing this with his head regenerating. Several hours later, Sesame Street was back to as much normality as it could ever have.
Gradually, a new planet destruction team had arisen. The Daffia, a crime syndicate founded by Duck Sith Lord Darth Daffy, regularly gained more and more influence on the planet-destruction market. Darth Elmo was not amused, because he wanted to totally monopolize this area. Daffy also planned to eradicate his seasoned competition; thus, the Duck Wars started.
It was a fierce, yet a brief conflict. It rapidly became a war between the entire Duck and Puppet species, the eternal arch-enemies. The loses were high on both sides, and a dozen of planets was destroyed. Darth Daffy quickly left the fighting to supervise his Duck Star Project, leaving his apprentice Darth Ducky and Caporegime NegaDuck leading his soldatos.
During the war, the main enforcers of both commanders met in an EPIC duel. Elmo sent Animal to deal with the fanatic, four-armed Duck killing machine. After a few hours of constant battle, no one could gain the upper hand. Ducky's artificially enhanced brain and two extra blades were evenly matched with Animal's genetic inheritance and a Madclaw! nature. Finally, both Sith Underlords had reached their limits and simply fainted. Astonished spectators announced a draw and both sides retreated from the planet.
Shortly afterwards, Darth Daffy summoned his apprentice to Duck'o Prime, the homeworld of the Ducks and a command center of the Daffia. He was going to tell him about his soon-to-be finished
idiotic tremendous, moon-destroying superweapon. Unexpectedly, the Sesame Street Frigate, with Darth Elmo himself on board, appeared in the Anatos System, with the other members at his side. Then, they simply did their job, bringing a sudden end to the conflict.
Animal's death - New apprentice
Darth Animal's next mission from Lord Elmo was to exterminate Kermit, who was thrown out of Sesame Street on account of failing to destroy a planet. Elmo had grown so much hatred toward the frog, convinced he was the cause of the Brotherhood of the Bird's demise. His search ended on Tatooine. Kermit, protected by countless Gamorreans and his spouse, Miss Piggy, was well aware of Darth Animal's rage and knew his end was near. However, little did Kermit know, Elmo was watching near-by. Darth Animal sliced right trough his Gamorrean opponents and soon nothing separated Darth Animal from his target. Kermit proved a difficult enemy though, using his frog abilities and Ataru skills to dodge Darth Animal's attacks. In a last attempt, Animal used all of his Force powers to PWN his green opponent with Force pwn. Lucky for Kermit, he was so thin that most of the attack missed him completely. Unlucky for Darth Animal, he had used so much of his Force powers in one attack that he injured all of his midi-chlorians. Unable to use the Force, he attacked Kermit mano-a-frogo. Swinging his lightsabers, Animal cut himself in thirty-four pieces. The Sith Underlord was no more. Soon thereafter, Darth Elmo sought a new apprentice to take care of Kermit for him.
On orders of Lord Elmo, an elite Sesame Street squad led by Cookie Monster kidnapped Gonzo and took him to their leader. Elmo made an offer to the blue, googly eyed thing before him: join him or he'd destroy his planet. Gonzo, however, couldn't care in the least over whether his planet was destroyed. Elmo destroyed it anyway, but Gonzo didn't even notice. Elmo put him on another planet and destroyed it, hoping to have his revenge. But despite his death, Gonzo lived on. He floated through space until he was rescued by an army of Chickens led by Camilla. So impressed were they with him that they made him their leader. Gonzo, rather than being enraged at the treatment he had received at the hands of Darth Elmo, liked it. He liked it so much he went to Elmo and asked him to do it to him again. Elmo, surprised at the resilience of this weird blue thing, took him as his next apprentice. After several months of
being beaten up being trained by Darth Elmo, Gonzo was given the title of Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir and became the next member of Sesame Street.
Death of a leader
- "I did it, I defeated myself. Now I will rule the..."
- ―Darth Elmo's last words
When Darth Elmo was thirteen years old, he had built an empire, but he did not trust himself. Elmo feared that he would try to take his empire away from himself. One day, while he was plotting to kill his boss and take over his empire, he "accidentally" activated his lightsaber and wounded himself badly; after this incident had proven that he could not trust himself. Darth Elmo started to prepare for the time when he would attack himself, he planned to continue plotting to kill Darth Darth Binks as soon as he had defeated himself. Three weeks later at his fourteenth birthday he attacked his treacherous self, dueling himself for seven hours before he finally defeated and killed himself in an act that would later be known as "the ultimate act of treachery," and every Sith Lord was amazed by the news and generations of Sith envied Darth Elmo for this act. Even Darth Darth Binks was not as evil as Darth Elmo was. Sesame Street was deeply saddened by the news and held a funeral for their leader not long after.
Moving on into the future
- "Sure, Bert. I'll kill Jolee Bindo."
Now that their leader was dead, Bert once again took control of Sesame Street. However, instead of changing it so much as he had done before, he kept the group pretty much the same in fear of Elmo returning from the dead and dropping an inflatable forklift on his head. However, the group came to an end when few people began to hire them.
Not long after, Cookie Monster got cancer and had a grenade stuffed up his mouth by Ernie under orders by Darth Darth Binks. Grover married Aayla Secure and had 172 children, but he was eventually found and executed by the intergalactic police. Ernie joined the Yuuzhan Vong and eventually killed himself when a tape was released into the public, showing acts of... I'd rather not go any further. Ernie became depressed after the video was released and shrunk to a mere 199,999 pounds. Sometime later, the depression became too much to handle as Ernie strapped a bomb to himself and was blown into a gazillion pieces. Baby Bear was captured by hunters working for the intergalactic police and euthanized. Bert, deeply upset over his brother/life partner's suicide re-opened Sesame Street in memory of Ernie, this time as a liquor store on Tatooine. He took the Sesame Street frigate along with Dearth Nadir to get there, but it was quickly recognized by the intergalactic police and shot down, exploding into a million pieces. Bert narrowly managed to escape the destruction, but Dearth Nadir was not so lucky.
Only months later, Piglet, the "son" of Kermit, sent his apprentice, Darth Donger to assassinate Bert. The plan failed, however, as Donger was too drunk to feel his gigglestick while Bert set the store on fire so he could use the insurance money to open up a new, better liquor store. However, his dreams of opening up that store never came to life as he went off seeking revenge on Darth Bob, who he considered to be Ernie's real killer. Bert was brutally killed, though, as Bob swiftly murdered the man. Sesame Street was officially dead and the galaxy was at peace. For now... Darth Elmos son, Elmo.jr leant from the groups mistakes and vowed to never use idiots in his army.
Behind the Scenes
- Sesame Street was the inspiration for the SS and the Selective Service, both of whose initials were derived from it.
The members were terrible puppet... things, but we'll list them anyway.
- Darth Animal (secretly)
- Baby Bear
- Big Bird (honorary member)
- Cookie Monster
- Darth Elmo (leader)
- Kermit (kicked out two days after joining because he failed to destroy a single planet)
- Dearth Nadir
- Darth Oscar (kicked out one day after joining because of "creative differences")
Notes and references
- Press release shortly after Oscar's departure
- The Book of Inhabited Planets
- Mission Impossible: Destroying Yoyo
- Hot Twi'lek Girls Sourcebook
- That book I can't remember the name of or find, but it's definitely in there so if you remove the info again I will have you banned
- Darth Elmo: Conquering two more planets
- Darth Elmo: You Can Trust Nobody, Not Even Yourself
- Sesame Street: The Great Book of Members
- Sesame Street: Where Did All the CooKies Go?
- Sesame Street: No Boom?