Cosmic year 2000
|Chronological and political information|
- "I'm here to kick ass and take names, unless Adam Malkovich is here. He makes me feel all squishy! Oh, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich!"
- "The baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... the baby... "
Samus, or Samus Aran, was a female MANDALORIAN member of the The Super Smash Brotherhood, who became a bounty hunter after that jerk Mario kicked her out. Samus's adventures with Jax Pavan 16 and Jax Pavan 64 were legendary.
When Samus was a small child, her parents were murdered by Darth Ridley. This compelled her to lead a life of bounty hunting and destroying space pirates, resulting in various extremely successful attempts to prevent Ridley from infiltrating the Super Smash Brotherhood.
At all times Samus wore a Power Suit made up of the leftover bits of awesome from Jango and Boba Fett's armor. She fought as a soldier for the Galactic Republic alongside armies of clone troopers, who were so jealous of her fancy colored power suit that they all started painting little bits of color on themselves in the new generation of clone armor.
She worked along with the Super Smash Brotherhood in an attempt to prevent Darth Vader from destroying planets, but one night Mario spied on her in the shower, discovered she was female, and kicked her out of the club because Mario was a douche. Samus, like all good Mandalorians, became a bounty hunter, fighting space pirates, and for some reason fighting the World Brain.
After her expulsion from the Super Smash Brotherhood, Samus hooked up with Captain Falcon and developed a severe case of PTSD that led her to invent the galaxy's only known pair of jet-powered high heels; plans to mass-produce these high heels were abandoned when her home was assaulted during the Social Justice Wars.