Pesto con muerte

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Gonk's delicious but inedible basil-cilantro pesto is perfect for the next time a friend or family member loses a bet. They'll praise your ingenuity through their tears of agony. The vivid, ectoplasmic green color—derived from the almonds and the unreasonable amount of garlic—shows this is one pesto that's full of surprises!

The ungrammatical name came about because I thought it sounded more intimidating than "pesto del muerto" or however you say it.


  • 2 cups loosely packed fresh basil leaves
  • 1 cup loosely packed fresh cilantro
  • 1/3 cup slivered almonds
  • 2 bulbs garlic, crushed
    Yes, I said "bulbs," not "cloves."
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2/3 cup olive oil


Add all ingredients to blender and blend until pasty. Adding a few handfuls of water may be necessary to get the large chunks to blend. Serve over anything you're not too proud of; the pesto will overwhelm everything else (including your victims' very souls).


The first victim beta-taster for this delectable treat was Gonk's arch-rival Plunk, who insisted that he could withstand any form of cooking. Unfortunately for the galaxy, ingesting the sauce immediately caused Plunk to short-circuit, nearly destroying the planet.