Pan Fendar

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Creatures such as this brought much satisfaction to Pan, the local Planetary pervert on Dagobah.

Pan Fendar was the only other creature that could talk, walk, and use the force on Dagobah than Yoda and Luke Skywalker. Pan was never seen in the Star Wars movies, comics, or any other stories because he spent most of his time hiding in the bushes watching people. An incredible sex addict, Pan soon developed fetish for watching green, wrinkly organisms do stuff, because he had nothing else to have a fetish for other than weird trees, fog, and gross water. Because of this fetish, Pan spent an enormous amount of time outside Yoda's hut and places where creatures such as morps, frogs and lobels lived.

Early Life

Pan Fendar was born on the planet of Dagobah some ten or so years before the beginning of the Clone Wars. His biological parents were a unknown person who crashed his ship on Dagobah and a scrange, an evil, carnivorous monster on the planet. The series of events that led to it was certainly unlikely, for scrange generally eat humans. Nobody knows what happened to Pan's human father after making the scrange who became Pan's mother pregnant. He was probably eaten, or something.

Anyway, Pan was later born as a force-sensitive being, and, to defend himself from his own hungry mother, choked her with the force moments after leaving his mother's womb. He was never to use the force again, because he didn't know how to[1]. That event was just luck, or something like it. Permanently traumatized after his mother's murder and now orphaned, Pan was raised by the weird lizards and snakes that reside on Dagobah. But, since one of his parents was human, he grew up different than the rest of the organisms and was never fully accepted into their stuffy, intellectual society, mainly because "he had a weird shaped head, movable, actually useful arms, and thumbs."[2] Once he went through his strange, awkward alien puberty at the age of 24 years (scrange puberty usually occurs around 35 years, a balance was made between that and humans' puberty), he finally gained the mentality to leave his so-called "family" behind and went to live with himself. His "family", though, said it was because "he was sick of the food we were giving him."[3]

Mid-life and addiction to sex

At the about the same time he ran away from his colony of lizards and snakes, Pan began to have strange dreams about doing strange things on his body with strange organisms. But these dreams so pleased Pan, and so his addiction to sex began.

This image brought a lot of blood to Pan's Strange, deformed sex organ.

From the age of about 28 and on, Pan's goal in life was to have as much sexual satisfaction as possible. And, sadly, on Dagobah, a task like this was very, very hard to accomplish, considering most of the animals there are gross, weird looking amphibians or reptiles. But, as he became a nomad looking for something to engage sexually with his strange sex organ that was a combination of the human penis and the scrange lympher, he found something. Stumbling around, he noticed a small hut with light inside. Curious, he walked over, and found from that point on the love of his life. He found Yoda. Afraid to make contact with Yoda, he ran away and hid under a bush and waited several days before approaching the hut again.

Once he finally did approach the hut, this time he watched Yoda sleep, and all the while he masturbated until he peaked in his satisfaction, resulting in the coverage of Yoda's hut in a strange sticky substance (large ejaculations was a trait acquired from the scranges, who have once had an ejaculation measured over a mile long.) From that point on he developed his first, and only, fetish. In this case it was for wrinkly green things.

Throughout the years he spent days and days stalking Yoda or other strange creatures like morps or frogs around and satisfying himself. Year after year, it never got old.


With his routine of creeping around the swamps after either Yoda or lobels or other green, wrinkly creatures, it was s shock and devastating to have something occur otherwise. When Luke Skywalker arrived to the planet around 4 ABY, Pan was about 36 years old. At this time the event would have been called his mid-life crisis, but it wasn't at his mid life, and was at the very near end of his life. So it was better called his "end-life crisis".

Anyway, moving on, with this Luke Skywalker around Pan couldn't stalk Yoda because Luke would see him and likely shoot him with his blaster or cut him with his lightsaber. He then went back to the other creatures but that simply wasn't enough. He couldn't truly satisfy himself with Yoda alone. However, after a week or so, Luke left for about wo years, wherein Pan went back to his normal routine with relief. But, Luke came back.

This time, when Luke came back, things happened differently. He stayed for a much shorter time which relieved Pan, but this time Yoda died. Pan probably could have stood it if Yoda's body was left behind so he could look at the green wrinkly corpse, but it wasn't; it just faded away.

This crushed Pan, who later committed suicide at the age of 38. He killed himself by wrapping himself in diving into a lake and getting eaten by one of those monster fish things.

Pointless facts regarding Pan Fendar

  • He was ugly.
  • He was the first, and only, of his species ever to live in the Star Wars galaxy.
  • Through all of his ejaculations he killed several googolplex of weird-sperm like cells which could have been children.
  • He gave his name to himself.
  • People discovered his name on his suicide note, which read: "My sad life is no longer worth living without that hunky Yoda to keep me going. Frogs, morps, lobels, and drunjs won't cut it. ~ Pan Fendar"
  • His left pinky toe was slightly larger than his right pinky toe[4].


  1. The dumb bastard.
  2. Quote from an interview of one of Pan's foster parent lizards, Scrag Rack.
  3. From the same interview of Scrag Rack.
  4. Discovered during an autopsy of his body.