Ahsoka Tano

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Ashoka Tano

Nazi Germany




You've guessed it!

Physical description




Hair color

Bald, bitch!

Eye color


Personal shit
Butt buddies


Asshole enemies
  • Everyone else!
  • Goodwood
Chronological and political information

That corny kiddy show

Known masters

Anakin Skywalker

"*sniff* I wish No Soup-a were here to enjoy this..."
―Anakin Skywalker, in a cut scene from Revenge of the Sith

Ashoka Tano, Ahsoka, Faggot, Snip Snip, or better known as her true Togruta name No Soup-a With-a Buffet was a Padawan of Annie Skywalker (the first of about a dozen Padawans Skywalker will eventually be revealed to have taken, unless we miss our guess). God George Lucas made Ashoka for that one kiddy show, which ruined Star Wars forever. Annie and Ashoka fought in that one war and Ahsoka did it with Captain Rex many, many times. Ultimately, Ashoka proved to be just another whinny horny bitch for Annie and became EVERYONE'S ENEMY (except for Rex and his lover Cody). Fanboys, Fangirls, Goodwood, Mandalorians, every Star Wars fan all want to kill her…Especially, <insert name here>. Thankfully she died while still training under Annie, who vowed to raise her like what all dads tend to do with their snot nosed kids but instead, he went all evil and shit and decided butcher her on Byss… ah, for fun.

Early Life

As a kid, her parents mistreated her and her friends (assuming the snot had friends) at school and stabbed her in the back for watching "Monsters vs Aliens", and no one ever had the balls to sit next to her due to her juvenile behavior and her ugliness. Whenever her mom left for work weekend mornings, her callous father would... I think you get the point. By the time she was eight, MANDALORIAN!! raiders thrashed her home, raped her mother, choked her father with his own head tails, and destroyed their planet. Two hours have passed since the crisis and she was discovered under a pile of rubble by a wasted Frog. He then took her to train in the ways of the force, which began to ruin Star Wars forever.

Life as a Jedi

To Ahsoka, becoming a Jedi sounded like a kick ass experience but like at home, she still didn't have enough any friends. Even the masters abhorred her idiotic behavior by programing the training remotes to attack her as apart of a joke. By the time she hit puberty- oh boy! Do you really want me to explain this? You sick bastards! In hopes of scoring a teenage Jedi boy, she'd wait until all witnesses are clear and then she strips naked in front of <insert name here> while dancing to Britney Spears' Toxic... No one every made Purple rain with the anorexic Togruta. Now let me ask all you perverted fan boys dudes one thing. Would you make love to this young, thin teenager and lick her boobless chest for nothing? It's like she escaped from Sesame Street or some shit and started a kiddy rampage through the movies we fucking grew up with! Why can't you sick fucks at least drool over Aayla Secura rather than an annoying kid!? It's cool that the masters found out about her perverted behavior and put her under the guidance of The Emo One in hopes of controlling her horny level... Nothing ever changed since. But time and time went on and Ashoka became horny around her new master, who happens to be a crybaby just like her. She starred in that one fucking kiddy show where she DIED! erm...died. Or another fact, Ashoka lived with Annie until he went all evil and became the most badass Sith Lord ever!! Vader took the bitchy No Soup-a to that one planet, where he charred and butchered Ashoka for fun! A true fanboy, fangirl, <insert name here>'s dream.



Later in her life, Ahsoka met the esteemed blue promiscuous woman, and during brief moments with her during the staged disagreement trained with her to the delight of her Master (who was as we all know eagerly looking for my female objects to objectify too). During this time an incident happened, in which the aforementioned master was knocked out. Due to her (audiences) innocence, Ahsoka had never before realized her master was indeed a pervert, Secura helped her realize this, when they tried to revive Anakin.

Behind the scenes

One of Ahsoka's detractors makes his opinions known
"Ahsoka provides the crucial missing link in Anakin's psyche, i.e., how could he bring himself to slaughter so many young Jedi?"

No Soup-a was initially created for the television/toy franchise "Bratz," but was borrowed by George Lucas when he realized the creators of The Clone Wars TV series, that one kiddy show, weren't going to make Anakin annoying enough.

Lucas' continuity advisors cautioned against introducing a Padawan for Anakin, who not only never mentioned having a Padawan in Revenge of the Sith but also hardly seemed like the kind of guy they would allow to have a Padawan. Lucas has stated[1] that his explanation for this seeming discrepancy was that the Jedi Council, in choosing a master for No Soup-a, considered which Jedi Knight was most in need of a bratty, back-talking adolescent dipshit. The deliberations took about thirty seconds.

Thanks to Ahsoka's very existence, this kind of nonsense exists.[2]


Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Ahsoka Tano.
Emperor Jimbo commands you to see the real article for Poochie.

See also