Mace Windu

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Eyes up Here, please
Zeus Windu, Shaft Windu, Mace Windu, or Mothuh Frakkah
Biographical information
Homeworld

Harlem

Born

"Why ya wanna know?"

Died

That mothafucker!

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Height

midget tall guy

Hair color

Bald

Eye color

Red brown

Personal shit
Asshole enemies

Sith

Forms of ass-kickery

Frak Fu

Chronological and political information
Affiliation

Jedi

Known masters

Yoda

Known apprentices

Depa Billaba

"I have had it with these muthafraking sarlacc on this muthafraking starship!"
―Mace Windu[src]

Mace Windu, also known as Shaft Windu, Zeus Windu, The Man that PWNS everyfrakingthing and Mace Windy DooDoo, was the baddest motherfraker this side of the galaxy. He was a rapper and gang member his entire life. He recorded two singles, including his own version of Ewok Gangsta Rap. He was killed in a gang fight by traitor Mannequin Skywalker.

Biography

Early Life

Mace Hakkim Jamal Joshua Windu was born in Harlem in 72 BBY to parents Denzel and Carmen Windu, street performers who sang Jimi Hendrix songs. They lived in an apartment with one room, no plumbing, no water, and non-stop air conditioning, even in the winter. This meant unhealthy living conditions and a high electric bill. That also meant that at age nine, Mace was working in the streets as a rapper. Although his dad's new pimp career failed, Mace's didn't. He had a new calling, rapping in the streets so his family wouldn't starve.

Rapping and the Gang

"Does the Force look like a bitch?!"
―Mace Windu

At age twelve Mace signed up for Harlem's Street Rapper Battle and received second place and two hundred fifty dollars prize. Unfortunately, this was promptly taken away by his father who used it to buy drugs to feed his addiction that he received during his jobless depression. Mace was forced to rob local groceries to help his family survive. He then joined a gang, the Jedi, lead by rapper Biggie Yoda. Their rivals were the gang, the Sith Lords. Even though he was only twelve, Mace fought in many of the gang fights receiving battle scars in places he didn't like to talk about. The next year he entered himself in the rap battle again and rapped about his troubles with the girls and drugs and the hood. For some reason this was popular and he won the one thousand dollars grand prize. This time he hid it from his father and bought food for his family. Then his gang got into a large fight and many were killed. Dookie a small time rapper on the Jedi betrayed them and lead an ambush using the "droids". The droids were small time rappers and gang members who were recruited by the Sith in massive numbers to just throw at Jedi. Biggie Yoda decided that they would fight fire with fire. The Jedi started lighting large sticks and poles on fire and used them as "laser swords". Of course it didn't work. That would never work even in a sci-fi movie, who would believe that? Next they tried recruiting the same way the Sith did and named their recruits, The Clones. This worked, and although they got their asses handed to them early on, they eventually won a few fights...and then got their asses handed to them again.

While all this was happening on the sideline, Biggie Yoda was helping Mace get some studio time, and finally, when the gang war was in full blast, at age sixteen, Mace got some studio time. He sung The Ewok Gangsta Rap and one of his own freestyles. They were both accepted by Old Republic Studios and launched as singles. They did okay and Mace got some money to help his family survive because his dad died of a drug overdose when Mace was fourteen. Then the Jedi decided they needed to end the war by killing the enemy leaders. Whiny had already killed Dooku, The Hermit had killed The General and that only left The Emperor a big time rapper who worked for Old Republic Studios but lead the Sith for fun. This pissed off a lot of Jedi because it was do or die for them, it wasn't for "fun". Mace volunteered to kill The Emperor with Stalker, Horny, and Kolar the Mauler. Biggie Yoda shrugged and sent them on their way.

Death

The three others were killed within the first minute, but Mace managed to pin the Emperor down but was having trouble delivering the final blow. Then Whiny came bye. Mace asked him for help, but instead he killed Mace and saved the Emperor. The whiny bitch had betrayed the Jedi. Then the Clones joined the Sith and destroyed the Jedi from the inside. Only Biggie Yoda and The Hermit lived. The Hermit died of a drug overdose, but Biggie Yoda went on to have a very successful rapping career.

Quotes

"Basic motherfraker, do you speak it?"
―Mace Windu
"We're gonna be like three little snow-kings. What's the snow-king like, Yolanda?
"C'c'cool?
"Exact-a-mundo!
"
―Mace Windu and Yolanda
"Fuck it."
―Mace Windu almost every minute.
"Pwnage!"
― Mace Windu whenever he won a lightsaber, blaster, or Yu-Gi-Oh duel
"What the heck?!?!?!"
―Mace, seeing Padmé and Anakin doing it
"What the fuck, Anakin? You cut my arm off!
"That was intended..."
I'm gonna motherfuck your woman when I get back as a ghost! (Bzzzt)
"
―Mace Windu, master of threats
"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfraking droids in this motherfraking war!"
―Mace Windu, sometime during the war — not confirmed, but it would have been motherfraking cool if he did!

Also see