Luke Skywalker

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Wormie (aka Luke Skywalker)
Biographical information



19 BBY



Physical description



Male (confirmed by Mara Jade)

Hair color




Personal shit
Chronological and political information
Known masters
Known apprentices

Multiple failures

"But I was going to Tosche station to pick up some power converters! Whaaa!"
―Luke having a hissy fit.

Wormie, born Luke Skywalker, was a whiny native of Tatooine who somehow managed to bed Mara Jade after an unsuccessful attempt at an incestuous relationship with Leia. Obi-Wan Kenobi was his gay caring master. He was named after Saint Luke from the Bible.


"Luke! Making it, your deodorant is not!"
"No I'll never turn to the Dark Side. I am an Emo like my father before me"
―Luke to Palpy

For a whiny hippie from the corner of the galaxy, Wormie made it pretty far in life. He led a guerrilla fighting force of hippies in an assault on Tosche Station,Mos Eisley, Anchorhead, and other space ports booming with power converter conventions. They stole the power converters and tried to capture a group of Jawas, but Wedgie Antilles, who had just realized he had awesome force powers, gave Luke and his hippie friends a Force Wedgie, sending them all hopping off in pain.

Early Life

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, Annie and Padmé Amidala did it on Nabooboo. Then a while later Annie got drunk and tried to kill Padmé. He thought he did... well he did. But before she died, Wormie and his sister was born.

That old guy then fell out of the ship while holding Wormie. The duo fell onto that desert place, which suited Obi-Wan well because there was lots of Jawa juice. He dumped Wormie with his aunt and uncle and went binge drinking. Next morning he had such a bad hangover that he forgot his name, so he thought he was Ben. And that's how Wormie and his sister were separated.

After nineteen years of doing nothing much, Obi-Wan remembered his name. When Leia heard about him, she sent a tin can and a whiny robot with a message asking him to join the Rebellion. But the two droids ended up with Wormie somehow. Wormie was faced with his first decision. He decided to go to sleep and see if it disappeared in the morning. It did. But Wormie knew that his uncle would be mad at him, so he took the other droid in the family landspeeder and set off to find it.

After being ambushed by robe wearing dudes, Wormie was saved by Obi-Wan who scared the Sand People away with an enormous belch. Obi-Wan took Wormie to his shelter in the Dune Sea, where he talked to him about such things like the Force and the price of Jawa juice in various Tatooine cities. When Wormie learned that his uncle and aunt were brutally murdered by Stormtroopers, he decided to go to Alderaan with Obi-Wan in search of cheaper Jawa juice (also the drinking age on Tatooine is 50, as opposed to Alderaan's 10).

Journey to Alderaan

On his way to the Arabic country, he got laid. Lucky.

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Luke Skywalker.

Death Star

That old guy and Han Solo flew into the Death Star by accident. They were probably drunk. James Vader was busy cleaning Frank's toilet, so he couldn't catch them when they landed. Wormy started to cry w