Kolto class action lawsuit

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,983 articles
Jump to: navigation, search

The Kolto Class Action Lawsuit:

Attention all kolto users! If you or a loved one have been diagnosed or received medical treatment for heart attack, cardiac arrhythmia, birth defects, or stroke, these conditions may be caused by kolto. You may be entitled to monetary damages. Kolto has been linked to serious side effects, including persistent pulmonary hypertension, acid reflux, peripheral edema, and cirrhosis of the liver. You might be eligible to seek financial compensation. The risk is so serious that the Republic Food and Drug Administration has issued a galactic warning for prescription kolto because of their association with dangerous and sometimes fatal heart, kidney, lung, and floogy-wah problems. This is partly because of heroic and well-funded lobbying from the Republic Trial Lawyers Association. If you or a loved one have taken prescription kolto and suffered from dizziness, shortness of breath, thoughts of suicide, headache, weight gain, weight loss, death, resurrection followed by death, fever, aches and pains, enjoyment of the Star Wars prequel films, myalgia, tremor, paralysis, disturbing dreams, aliens bursting out of your chest, aphasia, stuttering, erectile dysfunction, nausea, bloating, halitosis, losing the will to live, or hanging out on Darthipedia but never writing any articles, call the Law Firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Kalfexian and Jennings at 1-800-KO-KOLTO. Call now. Patients who are harmed by the adverse effects of kolto can seek compensation for medical bills, lost income, pain and suffering, inconvenience, or anything they'd like, really. Our law firm gets 90 percent of it anyway.