Justin Gann

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A self-portrait by Justin Gann displaying the common characteristics of a traditional Gann piece, as noted by the subtle off-white coloring and tasteful thickness.
"Walk like Justin Gann.
Talk like Justin Gann.
Do everything you can...
...just like Justin Gann.
―The official theme song of Justin Gann[src]

Gamemaster Justin Andrew Gann, Esq., M.D., also known as the silly panda, was not female despite what you've probably been told.[1] In fact, Justin Gann was the incredibly talented and sexy male fan-fiction writer-cum-artist whose creative intellect and beautifully detailed artwork set him apart from the rest of the Star Wars Fanon wiki community as a true visionary of the Star Wars universe. Gamemaster Gann's passion and dedication to the subject — combined with his lavish re-imagining of the Star Wars series, featuring tales of swashbuckling Jedi[2] and beautiful princesses[3] — caught the eyes of many readers including Dave Filoni, who would later hire Justin as both the head writer and lead animator for the upcoming Star Wars series, Squishies, as well as fan-fiction overlord Brandon Rhea, who would eventually murder the young artist out of furious envy.

Though not much is known about Gamemaster Gann's life, much of it was used as the inspiration for his Star Wars Fanon wiki continuity, notably the Yoda character, leading historians to therefor interpret his lore into factual details of his tragic upbringing. Thanks to this information, we can now tell you with great certainty that his favorite species of animal was the Common Hippopotamus.[1]


A Tragic Upbringing!

Justin Gann's birth, as depicted by Justin Gann.

Justin Gann was born to Phyllis Gann as the result of a seemingly immaculate conception, though Gann would later meet his father years after becoming a wildly successful artist. Justin was regularly teased by his fellow classmates in preschool for his bizarre speech patterns,[4] and by third grade Justin had become known as the "silly panda"[1] due to his consistent shape not unlike that of a panda bear. Because of this constant teasing, Justin relied on himself growing up and by the age of 7, he had developed a fascination with the Star Wars series and regularly watched the original trilogy. This led to his creation and eventual self-crowning of the Star Wars "Gamemaster" (pronounced gay-master) title. It is speculated that said title is of equal value to the Commodore navy rank in the United States.

In high school, Gamemaster Gann took up drawing as a hobby, giving him the much-needed confidence to become a bully himself, quite frequently picking on a fellow student named Josh who believed himself to be smart.[5][6] Gamemaster Gann felt absolutely unstoppable, so much that he began detailing the events of his new-found wonderful life in the form of Star Wars fan-fiction and related artwork.

A Tragic Downfall!

"Damn. If only I could draw like that."
Trak Nar

In 2005, Gamemaster Gann began promoting his spectacular fan-fiction around the Star Wars community, instantly earning critical acclaim from the Star Wars Fanon wiki. In 2006, Justin won the First Annual Wiki Award for the Gimer Stick-class cruiser article in the Best Author, Best Image and Best Fanboy Wet Dream Come True categories, an award which was bestowed upon him for many years to come. However 2011 proved to be a more depressing year for Justin when in an upset, the award was given to Goodwood for his short-story involving a teenage Jedi with a love for My Chemical Romance, or something equally uninteresting.[7]

Among other supporters of Gamemaster Gann included Wookiepedia administrator Darth Culator, who personally offered to nominate Justin for equal rights. However, Gamemaster Gann — being the humble hero that he is — turned down the advanced user rights[8] and opted to let himself blend in with the crowd, being uncomfortable with the fame and attention his artwork and fan-fiction brought him. This proved unsuccessful after receiving a letter from long-time fan and Star Wars writer Dave Filoni who offered him the opportunity to oversee the production of his very own Star Wars series, an offer which Justin couldn't refuse. Soon thereafter Squishies was born, a series loosely based on Justin's fan-fictional Young Yoda Campaign and featuring such memorable characters as the villainous Darth Olivicious, the family-friendly Moron and at the behest of Dave Filoni, a character named Whitney was introduced based on a Darthipedia contributor of the same name.

However, fame wasn't meant for Gamemaster Gann as his descent into madness became increasingly obvious to those around him while his once glowing writing suffered cliched and borderline-plagiaristic story-telling.[9] Gamemaster Gann's behavior became so increasingly erratic — something which has since been attributed to his addiction to a powerful homemade concoction of apple juice, liquid nitrogen and pencil shavings that he named gimer tea — that friends and family of Justin, including Dave Filoni, George Lucas, Commander Lightning and Natalie Portman, gathered together for an intervention to help their dear friend. Together, they were able to convince Justin to seek help at a nearby rehabilitation center specializing in gimer tea addicts. It was there that he met fellow fan-fiction author Brandon Rhea and together they formed a bond that can only be shared by like-minded fan-fiction writers. Rhea's friendship with Gamemaster Gann, however, was in fact merely an allusion put on to gain Justin's trust.

Justin Gann's crucifixion at the hands of Brandon Rhea, as depicted by Justin Gann.

Despite being voluntary residents of the rehabilitation center, Gamemaster Gann and Brandon Rhea hatched an escape plan to gain freedom from their medical oppressors for a twelve hour period, most of which would be spent drinking mass consumptions of gimer tea and listening to Led Zeppelin. It was during this bender that Gamemaster Gann received shadowy visions of a seductress named Minnie Mouse informing him that unless he paid her a fee of exactly $3.50, he would be dead by the end of the week. Not having the money, Justin declined the offer as Minnie Mouse revealed herself to be a thirteen story tall crustacean from the Mesozoic era and scampered off, promising to return one day seeking revenge.

Upon returning to the rehabilitation center, Brandon Rhea and Gamemaster Gann were denied service and promptly removed from their dormitories for leaving their rehabilitation, though some speculate whether the real reason behind their removal was actually due to their frequent public fan-fiction readings to bring laughter to the fellow residents of the clinic. With no homes to turn to, Rhea and Justin were forced to live on the streets and do whatever, whenever just for food and money, and if that included oral sex, so be it. This continued for several days until Brandon Rhea, now detoxing from his gimer tea sobriety, revealed to Gamemaster Gann his true intentions. After constructing a large wooden cross, Brandon nailed Justin to it in an attempt to crucify his supposed friend. It was now clear that all along, Brandon was in fact planning to kill Justin and rob him of his much superior fan-fiction, later passing it off as the Alternative Star Wars Saga. Three days later on May 21st, 2011, Gamemaster Justin Gann was dead — but not before Brandon Rhea REVELATES TO Justin Gann THAT IS ITS TRUE FATHER!!!!1

Had too much humor? Who are you kidding? You can never get enough of it! Go check out the Star Wars Fanon Wiki for their alternative article on User:JustinGann where you will find the real definition of Star Wars humor.
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on User:JustinGann.

Notes and references

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 Gamemaster Gann's userpage on Wookiepedia
  2. Don Juan on the Star Wars Fanon wiki
  3. Zezeri on the Star Wars Fanon wiki
  4. Yuno on the Star Wars Fanon wiki
  5. Josh on Star Wars Fanon wiki
  6. Video of Gamemaster Gann's bullying
  7. The Sixth Wiki Awards on Star Wars Fanon wiki
  8. Darth Culator's attempted nomination for Gamemaster Gann on Wookiepedia
  9. Courage on Star Wars Fanon wiki

External links