- "I was cut off from the Force, then exiled from the Jedi Order. Now I have a new mission: to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no lesbian has gone before."
- ―From the Jedi Exile's holocron
Yes, it's out there, I said it. The Jedi Exile is Female and also a Hardcore Lesbian! Too bad Fanboys!! Fangirls, I'll now give you some time to dry your seat..........................................that should do it, let's continue.
The Jedi Exile was a hero of the Galactic Republic. The name on her driver's license was "Meetra Surik," but her real name was actually Sappho Q. Badass, and only her closest girlfriends were allowed to call her that.
- "Hey, dude, smell my saber!"
- ―The Jedi Exile thrusting her lightsaber in the centerstone of the Jedi council chamber
Having enough of the Jedi preaching chastity and pacifism, the Jedi Exile soon enlisted in the ranks of Revan and his Jedi Crusaders to kick some ass and score some booty during the Mandalorian Wars. She PWND massively and soon she held a high rank only answering to Revan and Malak themselves.
At the height of the war, she ordered her Iridonian minion Bao-Dur to power up the Mass PWN Generator and destroy the entire Mandalorian fleet and also 40% of the Republic forces, but who's counting. After the atrocity, she cut herself off from the Force because she couldn't stand the immense whining of all the casualties. Upon returning to the Jedi Council to face judgment, she gave the masters some attitude and for that she was exiled.
- "Our enemy is near."
"Is the enemy female?"
"No sense in sticking around, then."
- ―Kreia and The Jedi Exile
Waking up in a kolto tank on a deserted truck stop, she decided to run around in her underwear, hey she was a freak though. She met a crazy old blind Jedi witch who forced a telepathic bond on her, later she met a prisoner named Atton Rand, and the three of them battled and PWND a cheap rip-off, not even good enough to polish the original prototype's chassis protocol droid. They soon fled the station and en-route to Telos IV destroyed an asteroid field in the progress. Yippieeee!!!
Telos Citadel Station
- Exile: "You will let me go."
- Old Dude: "I will let you go."
- Exile: "And you will let me hit it off with her."
- — The Exile and that Old Guy[[|[src]]]
Arriving on Telos Citadel Station they were arrested by an old dude and put in jail but not before The Jedi Exile, who's connection to the Force had returned used a mind trick on the party and had sex with security officer Soka Linu (score). After they had been cleared of guilt in the asteroid explosion they were escorted to a crappy apartment. Not long afterward, the three were contacted by an Ithorian who offered them a job, The Jedi Exile declined and as luck would have it a Czerka Corporation protocol droid offered them a job on behalf of a Female that's more like it. The Jedi Exile agreed on working for Czerka on the condition that she could be intimate with Executive Jana Lorso and Jana Lorso complied. (Score). While wandering the Station she came across a Twi'lek male who lost his girlfriend in a game of pazaak; smelling opportunity the Exile went to the cantina and confronted the man who now owned the Twi'lek dancing girl named Ramana. She challenged the man to a game of pazaak and soon she won herself a nice slave. Not only did she (score) with her new asset, she also had a new steady flow of credits double score. In this same cantina she also met a female Zeltron by the name of Luxa, Luxa wanted to get rid of her boss and take his job, the Exile said she would be happy to help her on the condition she could "mate" with Luxa, they both agreed (score) and the Exile went to the Bumani Exchange corp. Upon entering the office she met a nice receptionist by the name of Vula, the two made out (score) and the Exile soon Pwnd the slimy Quarren.
Darth Ruptus interrupts
Yo, Exile, I'm really happy for you, doin' the whole lesbian thing, Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time! The best videos of all time!
- "Wow, I just scored with five of those white chicks."
- ―The Lesbian Jedi Exile's thoughts as she left the Telos Academy
In the course of these actions the party's ship the Ebon Hawk was stolen, so they made way to the surface of Telos IV, crash landing there the Exile met an old minion of her named Bao-Dur who invented the Mass PWN Generator. they found their way to a secret Jedi Academy and there the Exile was confronted by Jedi Master Atris, who kept her lightsaber to use as a shooto. After some mean words here and there the Exile wrestled with the Handmaiden sisters and went on her way satisfied. (5 score). On her way, she also met the Last of the Handmaidens and she satiated her curiosity about the Force and more. (score)
Landing on Dantooine, they were greeted by a gate guard named Dillan, the Exile gave her a fast shag (score) and went on to meet Terena Adare the administrator of the settlement. Disappointed upon discovering that Terena was too old to snog (no score) she decided to scout the planet a bit. She went into a scary cave where a bunch of kinrath lurked, PWN3D them, and found a nifty little crystal. Later, she found a salvager camp with another old chick who sold artifacts (again 'no score) and went in to the old Jedi Enclave, there she met a salvager named Taepalae who was good enough (score) and went on a scavenger hunt. Inside the sub-levels of the Enclave the Exile did not score with Kaevee because:
- one: Obsidian did not put her into the game at the last moment.
- two: Kaevee was just a Padawan and that would just be wrong!
- "Damn I wish I was Male. If I was male I'm sure that Handmaiden chick would have come with me, that was some fine pussy. Now I'm stuck with that tortured Blind Chick and that Equally Blind Old Skank and I refuse to Make out with them, Ah well maybe I'll find some decent Poontang in a sexy dancers outfit on Nar Shadada"
- ―The lesbian Jedi Exile thinking about Mira without realizing it
Next stop Nar Shadada, upon exiting the landingpad the Force guided the Exile to the left into a swoop office, there she met a Twi'lek named Borna Lys, this female wanted to sabotage the owner of the swoop office to take it for her own, the Exile replied that she was willing to help her with this but only if she could "get somma that ass" Borna Lys agreed (score). Later that day the Exile went to a pazaak den and scored with a Twi'lek named Dahnis. The next day the Exile roamed the refugee sector in her quest for poontang, she liberated a young girl from the exchange and arranged some transport for a family (double score with Nadaa and Kahrama).
- Some Twi'lek dude: "Your companion Atton is not who he says he is"
- Exile: "So??"
- — Some Twi'lek dude and The Jedi Exile on Atton
A few hours later she met a woman named Aaida who was heartbroken on the count of losing her husband Lootra, the Exile said she knew a way to make Aaida feel better and they ended up in a smelly container to have some dirty nookiee, (SCORE). Unaware she was being followed by Mira the sexy Mando bounty hunter, the Exile traveled to the Nar Shadada docks and met Lootra. The Exile taunted him by saying she scored with his wife, Lootra cried. At that moment Mira captured the Exile only to fall under her influence. Mira dressed up in a sexy dancers outfit and never wanted to wear something else, they had multiple encounters in the small storage compartment of the Ebon Hawk. (Multiple score).
Then those damned exchange thugs kidnapped the Exile and hid her on G0-T0's Yacht, Mira initiated a rescue, and the lovers were reunited again, but not before the Exile had a threesome with the Twin Suns on G0-T0's Yacht. (triple score).
After escaping they Crash landed on Dxun, that's gotta hurt. Wandering trough the jungle moon of Dxun, the Exile met a couple of Mando's, who took her to see Mandalore. This Mandalore turned out to be One of the baddest Muthafuckers in the galaxy of all time. They soon formed a connection realizing they had a lot in common:
Traveling to Onderon with Mandalore, the Exile met a woman named Terlyn, who was in need of a Starport Visa. The Exile arranged a visa for her in return for booty (score). in the town square she met Anda, a fierce Vaklu supporter, the Exile lied to Anda in saying Vaklu was top of the bill and they soon had sex in the square (public score). Investigating a murder to which an associate of Mandalore was involved she questioned Sakarie, an exchange smuggler. Now, smugglers were the Exile's kind of scum and they soon had intercourse (score). Meanwhile Darth Kojak solved the murder case and the doctor was sent free, complaining to Mandalore that a Woman named Bakkel stole his PSP, the Exile sensed opportunity and confronted the woman and showed Bakkel what Beast Riding really was. (Beastly score).
Landing on Korriban, the Sith world the Exile sensed through the Force that she would not score. Her assumptions were correct when she found Lonna Vash dead. no score. After PWNing an ugly zombie who respected her she investigated a cave in a desperate attempt to find some poontang. Upon entering a tomb she found some Force visions, she PWND the male visions and scored with the female visions:
- Bastila Shan
- Cariga Sin
Onderon Civil War
- "A Jedi needs no rewards Talia, But if you insist, some royal Poontang will suffice."
- ―The Jedi Exile, negotiating a proper reward with Queen Talia
Returning to Dxun, the Exile sent a party to look for Freedon Nadd's tomb, while she herself went on to PWN an entire army by herself in an attempt to taste some royalty. The Exile soon Pwnd Vaklu's henchmen and Got Down with Queen Talia. (Royal Score).
Traveling to Telos IV again she confronted Atris and demanded her Shooto back, Atris refused because she herself used the shooto quite frequently. A huge duel erupted and the Exile Pwnd Atris and took her shooto for her own again. Atris begged to give her the shooto back, since the handmaidens had left her earlier, the Exile was willing to give her the shooto in return from some Force head from Atris. (Force Score)
PWN@G3 time!!!! All that Action got the Exile craving for some different action. She, Mandalore and Visas Marr boarded the Ravager in order to PWN a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord by the name of Darth Nihilus, who in his free time gave advice on writing funny articles right here on Darthipedia. Small world isn't it? Just kidding. Visas and the Exile had sex on the Bridge (public score) which resulted in Nihilus going up in smoke.
- "Poontang...Unlimited Poontang!"
- ―The Jedi Exile
The Jedi Exile traveled to the Unknown Regions in order to search for Morpheus so that she could slice into the Matrix and upload herself into Star Wars Galaxies, where there would be an unlimited supply of poontang...for now. While undertaking that quest, she founded what would be known as the United Federation of Lesbian Planets.
Score amount: 22+