Galactic Empire

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,995 articles
Jump to: navigation, search
"We are an empire of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIlness and DAAAAAAAAAAAARKNESS! And to prove it all our military officers dress like Nazis!"
Concerned citizen: "How does it feel working for the Evil Empire?"
Imperial Administrator: "Whoo-hoo! It feels great! Empire Fuck Yeah!"
— A dialogue between a concerned citizen from a neighboring state and an Imperial Administator just as the latter ordered the execution of a group of dissidents

The Galactic Empire was an EEEEEEEEEEEVIL empire founded by Palpatine and his close personal friend, Darth Sid Vicious. It ruled the galaxy for a buhmillion brazillion years and crushed all its enemies, only ceasing to exist when it finally ran out of food stamps. They then became a furniture company that sold the shittiest ottomans in the known universe. Just kidding. The Empire was around for, like, 20 years, and epic failed to destroy the Rebels. They did become a furniture company though, and they were destroyed on when God annihilated the known universe. If you want, you can look at the section Death on Darth Sorrow's page. If you don't, we'll destroy your planet.


The Galactic Empire formed out of the Galactic Republic. The reason for the swift change is because everyone got tired of looking at Jango Fett clones. Palpatine, being from the Aryan race, wanted a more diverse Army and required fewer clones and more dentally impaired men with British accents be employed. As a result of this stormtroopers were created from the freaking awesome clone troopers. The accuracy of their shots decreased by twenty meters and resulted in stormtroopers getting their arses handed to them by hormonally charged Rebels. Everyone in the new Empire also fancied the color white taking out all elements of camouflage, which led to the high death rates within the armed forces. In addition to this, the uniforms formed an "X" right over the heart, chineking it so that any kriffing idiot could kill one from a kajillion light-years away.

The Great War and Subsequent FAIL By Darths Palpatine and Voldemort

Luke Skywalker blew up Wilhuff Tarkin's Death Star, so Tarkin's friend Darth Vader blew up all the X-wing, Y-wing, and B-wing factories. That was the only reason the War lasted so long, as long as the Rebels didn't have X-Wings, the war went on.&nbsp Then, the Rebels built X-Wing factories on their big ships. Now it was on. Palpatine and his twin Darth Voldemort were such dumbasses that they let Han Solo and his bitch take down the shield generator on Endor's forest moon. Then, on Death Star II, they were so preoccupied with Force Lightning-ing Luke they didn't realize Vader sneaking up behind them with a pole that he had ripped off one of the railings. He was MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD that the dumb duo tried to get Wormie Skywalker to kill him that he nailed them with the pole. Contrary to popular fiction, Darth Vader didn't die. He was way too badass for that. Once they were unconcious, Vader threw them into the reactor core of the Death Star. He was so still so pissed after that that he denounced the Yankees Empire and sided with the Rebels, and railed on the Empire. Wormie and Vader set up the Galactic Republic again. Yawn. Vader became the Chancellor. Yay! Thrawn tried to resurrect the Empire, and Wormie almost failed in trying to destroy Thrawn, but Vader walked in and PWNed Thrawn and his planet. After that, the Empire never returned. The end.

See Also

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Galactic Empire.