Death Star I

From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,995 articles
Jump to: navigation, search
"We got Death Star! Death Star! Death Star!"
―Darth Vader

The Death Star, also known as that Big Ball Planet Destroying Thing, or Spaceballs, was the Star of Death, and it caused Death. Lots of Death. It was an UbEr PwNaGe space station commanded by The Angry German Kid Grand Moff Tarkin. It was used by Darth Vader to destroy planets. The Empire claimed it was "indestructible" but was later destroyed by burritos. Big Burritos. According to legend, if the Death Star hadn't been totally destroyed, it could have gone through destroying up to four planets before it outlived its strangely short warranty. The Death Star was also quite eco-friendly, since it was solar powered. Two Death Stars would be compleated and together they became known as the "Emperor's enormous balls".

The Destruction of a Planet

"Something something something daaark siiiide. Something something something complete!"
―Emperor Palpatine on the Death Star II's throne room
The previously mentioned FUCKING HUGE DEATH LASER

When the Death Star blew up a planet, it shot a FUCKING HUGE DEATH LASER and PWNed anything in its way. They also preformed a many Death Star Drive-bys on bitch gang who don't be respecting.

Also contained many, many Nukes in case the Death Star blew up. That way they could go out with a bang.

The Superlaser Incident

"Stand by...Stand by...Stand by...Stand by......Anytime now.....God those torpedoes are slow..."
―Tenn Graneet

And so on, and so on...

20 years Before the Destruction of the Death Star

Engineer: "Okay, the turbolasers are set would you like any Anti-Starfighter Turrets?"
Palpatine: "Pfft, hells no! No starfighter is going to be suicidal enough to come near this!"
— Engineer and Palpatine

Day During The Trench Run


Imperial Officer: "Sir the Rebel Ships are small, fast, and evading our turbolasers."
Palpatine: "Shit."
— Imperial Officer and Palpy

Of course, Palpatine wasn't on board that day. Probably explains why he tried to build another one.

The Big Bang

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on DS-1 Orbital Battle Station.
Tarkin: "Prepare to destroy Yavin IV."
Engineer: "Ummmm sir. A pilot shot a missile in a two meter hole. Which means.......WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!"
Tarkin: "Ah fuck."
— Tarkin and an engineer right before the Death star got PWNed[[|[src]]]

Unfortunately, the PWNinator got destroyed by Wormie. Many people were like, "WTF?!". Four years later, and bigger, badass PWNinator was built, in honor of Darth Darth Binks' mighty ball destroyer.