Dave Filoni

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This page in a nutshell:

Dave Filoni has ruined Star Wars forever and there's not a goddamn thing anybody can do about it.
Dave Filoni will stop at no costs to shamelessly promote Cad Bane and Ahsoka Tano.

"My father always said never to trust a man with a fedora."

Hello. My name is Whitney and I am nine years-old and this is the story of my trip to meet Dave Filoni. It all started out like this:

This is Ahsoka Tano. She is my favorite character.

Ahsoka Tano is my hero. She is everything I want to be when I grow up. Ahsoka is strong, smart and very pretty, and my teacher says I can be every one of those things as long as I get good grades and study hard. Ever since The Clone Wars came out, she has been my favorite character. My old favorite character was Padmé Amidala but I don't like her anymore ever since she couldn't stand up for herself against Darth Vader. My school counselor tells me that if anyone in my family tries to hurt me, that I should come tell her right away. Maybe if Padmé had a school counselor too, she would still be alive and Luke and Princess Leia would have a mom. I think that if Darth ever tried to hurt Ahsoka, she would report it to Master Yoda.

This year for my birthday, all I asked for was an official Ahsoka Tano tee-shirt from StarWars.com, available now for only $16.99. It comes in black and has a really cool picture of Ahsoka on the front of it. On the back, it has the cast of The Clone Wars. My mom was afraid it would look weird on me because it was made for boys, but my older sister Alexis says I look like a boy so my mom got it for me anyway. Alexis calls me a lot of names and makes fun of me for liking Ahsoka, but she likes the Jonas Brothers so I make fun of her a lot too. She wears a lot of make-up and my dad doesn't like it. He says Alexis looks like a person called a rosditute and got angry when my mom bought her some kind of candy that comes in this round thing. I was told not to eat any of it though because it's bad for me.

When my birthday came, I finally got my Ahsoka shirt. I also got a Y-Wing Lego set, available now for only $59.99 and Watch Out for Jabba the Hutt!, available now for only $14.99. After my birthday, we got this email from StarWars.com saying that because we had spent over $80 buying stuff, that we were entered in a contest to meet a man named Dave Filoni. I didn't know who Dave Filoni was at first, so my dad let me use his computer to find out who he was. My dad doesn't let me use his computer a lot. He says he has important work on his computer that he doesn't want me messing with, but I saw those pictures he has on it. He doesn't know I'm on this site but I saw it and it looked cool. So when I searched for Dave Filoni, all I could find was this guy in a cowboy hat kinda like Indiana Jones. This website called Wookiepedia came up and I read about him on there. That's when I found out he created my hero, Ahsoka Tano!

So two weeks later, we got another email, and it said we had won the contest. My mom came outside to tell me I had won and I was really excited. So that night, my dad packed our bags and we flew out to California to meet Dave Filoni. I told my dad I would be okay to go by myself but he said he didn't trust a man with a fedora. Two days later, we were at Dave Filoni's office.

Meeting Dave Filoni

One of the paintings in Dave Filoni's office.

When we met Dave Filoni, he was still wearing his cowboy hat from the pictures. I was kind of nervous about meeting him but he didn't seem nervous about meeting me. He was sitting in his office drawing this guy named Cad Bane for me. He thought it was Cad Bane that was my favorite character but it wasn't. It was Ahsoka. So I told him I didn't like Cad Bane and he offered to draw Ahsoka Tano for me. I told him okay but my dad said I was being rude and told him the Cad Bane drawing was okay. So Dave Filoni got up and walked us around the building he works in. It was really big and there were a lot of windows. In his office, there was like a thousand little Ahsoka Tano statues and even more statues of some bug guy with a lightsaber. Dave Filoni said the bug guy was his favorite character but I don't remember him so he can't be that important.

He took us to this room with a bunch of computers and showed me pictures of Ahsoka and other characters on them and my dad looked really impressed. He works for a company called Microsoft and he said that none of the computers he's made had power to run programs like Dave Filoni's does whatever that means. Dave Filoni laughed and showed us more pictures. He said this was where they designed the characters for the show in 3D. It was kind of boring. Then we moved onto the next room. It was all white and had a huge table in the center of it. He said this is where they write episodes. I didn't see any writers in there, though. All I saw was a stack of Mad-Libs which he said was how they wrote the episodes. He said I could help write an episode if I wanted so we sat down and asked me for nouns, adjectives and verbs. He gave me the result. Next season will have an episode where this happens:

:One day Little Blue Riding Ahsoka was going through the forest carrying a basket of school-buses for her grandmother. Suddenly she met a big scary Yoda. "Huzzah!" said the Yoda. Where are you going, little baby?
I'm going to my grandmother's house, said she. Then the Yoda ran away. When Miss Riding Ahsoka got to her grandmother's farm, the Yoda was in bed dressed like her grandmother. My, grandmother, she said, What big computers you have. The better to kill you with, said the Yoda. And grandmother, she said, What big slippers you have. The Yoda said, The better to kiss you with. And then she said, What big pigs you have, Grandmother. But the Yoda said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating grandmother.

At least it will be better than the Cad Bane episode.

Meeting Cad Bane

My dad punching Dave Filoni.

So then Dave Filoni took me to meet Cad Bane. I told him Cad Bane wasn't real but he said he is. Then he introduced me to this blue guy in a dumb metal Halloween costume. I told him that he was a fake but he didn't believe me. He didn't even sound like Cad Bane. She sounded like the people on that Mary Povefish show my dad watches. He tried to take a picture with me but I wouldn't let him and my dad got angry. I don't even like Cad Bane anyway because he's too weird. So my dad said he had enough of my attitude and dragged me down to the lobby.

Before we left, he had to go the bathroom and Dave Filoni came down to say goodbye. That's when he gave me a hug and my dad saw it and ran over and punched Dave Filoni and called him a sherbert.

Coming back home

They said we weren't allowed to come back and see Dave Filoni which is okay because I didn't really like Dave Filoni anyway. He was too obsessed with Cad Bane and Ahsoka Tano. I mean I like Ahsoka Tano but Dave Filoni made it kind of creepy. Ahsoka is no longer my favorite character because of Dave Filoni. After reading Darthipedia, Dan the Stormtrooper is my new favorite character and when I grow up, I want to be just like Dan. I hope Dave Filoni is happy because he ruined The Clone Wars for me. And if he continues, he will ruin Star Wars for me too. And that is why I'll never watch The Clone Wars again.

See also

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Dave Filoni.