Darthipedia:The Darth Dispatch

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This page contains archived issues of The Darth Dispatch, the short-lived Star Wars Fanon Wiki column containing updates from their Ex-Ex-Official-Friend-Wiki.

The Darth Dispatch

Reporting Darthipedia News Across the Star Wars Splinter Wiki Community Since 2008 - Editor: Gonk

Vol. 1. Is. 2

Darthipedia Laughs and Learns with The Gonk Crusades
JUNE 20 - This week saw the premiere of The Gonk Crusades, the official Darthipedia webcomic.

"The Gonk Crusades is an exciting and heartwarming tale of adversity, love, and big explosions," said Gonk in the official The Gonk Crusades press release. "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wince. A triumph of the human spirit and the power droid central processor. Now, at last, the story can be told."

When pressed for details about the plot, characters, or really anything at all concrete about the webcomic, Gonk declined to respond.

Vol. 1. Is. 1

Darthipedia Community Terrified by Presence of Allegedly Female User
MAY 19 - Fear and anxiety paralyzed the historically male user population of Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki in recent weeks as rumors spread of the first known female Darthipedian.

"I encourage everyone to remain calm," Darthipedia founder Gonk told reporters at a press conference today. "We consider the likelihood of wikiwide disaster to be really quite low."

The username of the Darthipedian in question has been withheld from the media in the interest of protecting her anonymity and preventing her talk page from being clogged with a sudden, abnormally huge influx of personal greetings.

"I think it's important to point out that we can't even be sure she's female," Gonk said. "We are talking about the Internet here."

Gonk also urged his fellow Darthipedians to continue contributing as though nothing had happened, and to treat the female Darthipedian with the same lack of respect that they would show to the most inarguably male Darthipedians, such as Madclaw.

"Diversity of viewpoints and experiences can only help our community grow stronger," Gonk said in a prepared statement beginning the press conference. "It's time we welcomed some change; our user base is heavily comprised of Caucasian males of a fairly limited age range."

"We also have too many Dutch users," Gonk added.

Some Darthipedians disagreed with Gonk's optimistic appraisal of the situation.

"I don't know how he can just stand there and tell us to be calm," StarNinja99 said in an interview following the press conference. "What if she starts reading our articles? I don't think we can take that kind of risk."

More dramatically, a group of anonymous Darthipedians have formed an organization called Darthipedia Isn't Kind, Sister (DIKS). Their initial manifesto proclaims that "if yuo BITCHAZ come in here an thikn wer gonna be al nurturin an sweet liek Opra or Bitchaz of Madisen County or whatver, yuo are WRONG!"

Gonk has denounced the manifesto as "the Internet equivalent of putting a crudely-drawn sign on your treehouse that says 'No Girls'."

"It's disgraceful. Some of my best friends are female," Gonk said, shortly before detailing a long list of typographical and stylistic problems with the manifesto.