This is a list of all articles that have been promoted to Featured Sithspawn status. To nominate a Featured Sithspawn, you may do so here.
- 1 Featured Sithspawn
- 1.1 4-LOM
- 1.2 Aby Shooto
- 1.3 Alaskan
- 1.4 Anakin Skywalker
- 1.5 Arcades in the Star Wars Universe
- 1.6 Ahsoka Tano
- 1.7 Bail Organa
- 1.8 Bao-Dur
- 1.9 Blue Milk
- 1.10 CC-1138 ("Bacara")
- 1.11 Chewbacca
- 1.12 Chewbacca's mother
- 1.13 Conversation:Mon Mothma's infamously racist speech
- 1.14 Cornelius Evazan
- 1.15 Dark Woman
- 1.16 Darth-2 D2
- 1.17 Darth Animal
- 1.18 Darth Azula
- 1.19 Darth Baker
- 1.20 Darth Bane
- 1.21 Darth Chef
- 1.22 Darth Complainer
- 1.23 Darth Darth Binks
- 1.24 Darth Dateline NBC
- 1.25 Darth Ducky
- 1.26 Darth Elmo
- 1.27 Darth Emo
- 1.28 Darth Evil
- 1.29 Darth Fat Guy
- 1.30 Darth Fodesinbeed Annodue
- 1.31 Darth Hale
- 1.32 Darth Ipedia
- 1.33 Darth Maul
- 1.34 Darth Narwhal
- 1.35 Darth Pillsbury
- 1.36 Darth Plagueis
- 1.37 Darth Psycho
- 1.38 Darth Revan
- 1.39 Darth Secret
- 1.40 Darth Sorrow
- 1.41 Darth Squidward
- 1.42 Darth Voldemort
- 1.43 Dave Filoni
- 1.44 Dearth Nadir
- 1.45 Destroy your planet
- 1.46 Diane Vader
- 1.47 Drawkcab H'trad
- 1.48 Ewok
- 1.49 Geonosian
- 1.50 Great Jawa Revolt
- 1.51 Guri
- 1.52 IG-88
- 1.53 Janice Nall
- 1.54 Jedi Exile
- 1.55 Jedi Exile (male)
- 1.56 Jesus Christ
- 1.57 Jesus Patrick Bach
- 1.58 Jon (FLOOB)
- 1.59 Justin Gann
- 1.60 K'Kruhk's hat
- 1.61 Kaminoan
- 1.62 Karlessh
- 1.63 Kendal Ozzel
- 1.64 Kermit
- 1.65 Kreia
- 1.66 Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship
- 1.67 Mandalore
- 1.68 Mandalorian Army knife
- 1.69 Mandalorian Wars
- 1.70 Marcellus the Hutt
- 1.71 Marn Hierogryph
- 1.72 Miss Piggy
- 1.73 Mission Vao
- 1.74 Monica Lu Wampa
- 1.75 NegaDuck
- 1.76 New Mandalorian
- 1.77 Nien "Nonk" Nunb
- 1.78 Nimrod Anthill
- 1.79 Olivia Kenobi
- 1.80 Piglet
- 1.81 Plunk
- 1.82 REPUBLIC COMMANDO: TRIPLE ZERO
- 1.83 Rambo Calrissian
- 1.84 SWGames
- 1.85 Star Destroyer
- 1.86 Star Wars Episode XIV: A New Galaxy
- 1.87 Star Wars Fanon Wiki
- 1.88 Steve Perry
- 1.89 Sylvana Zen
- 1.90 Taun Kiwi
- 1.91 The 250 Things that Dan the Stormtrooper is No Longer Allowed to Do In the Imperial Army
- 1.92 The Force
- 1.93 There is another
- 1.94 Trak Nar
- 1.95 Visas Marr
- 1.96 Wilhelm McBumfluff
- 1.97 X-wing
- 1.98 Yavin 4
- 1.99 Zam Wesell
4-LOM, short for 4 Luv of Money, was the gangsta droid bounty hunter who worked alongside Zuckuss, frequently employed by Jabba the Hutt. Originally a protocol droid assigned to protect the valuables of passengers aboard a luxury liner, 4-LOM blew a fuse and became obsessed with stealing and covering himself head to toe in bling, cruising the mean streets in his landspeeder with the top down, gunning down rivals, dousing his circuits with Cristal, and laying down dope beats at his personal studio on Tatooine. A droid of many talents, 4-LOM became not only a bestselling gangsta rapper, but also a producer and character actor. He hit it big with Straight Outta the Factory, then followed up with Programming Said Knock You Out and Strictly 4 Mah Inorganixx, each album going quadruple platinum.
Aby Shooto, also known simply as Abbs, was a Jedi Knight who used her incredible intuitive nature and connection to the Force, supplemented by vast amounts of Kaf-Pow, to solve crimes and make bad people go away. A student of the legendary Jedi Master and former sniper Leroy Jethro Gibbs, she earned her spurs during the Jedi Order's troubles with the Lost Tribe of Sith based on Korriban. Aby personally tracked down no less than five Sith Lords, two Sith Underlords, and nineteen Sith Apprentices, leading them into various traps whereupon they were struck down by other Knights.
Alaskans are natives to Alaska. A race of bigots and racist bastards unlike the galaxy had ever seen. They held an empire that tore the galaxy apart when Humans were but chimps and the Rakata were still sucking there momma's blue milk. Unfortunately, the mighty empire slowly died out after a dictator by the name of Darth Hile, the only known Alaskan Sith lord, took power and deemed his very own kind martyrs of the universe and performed an act that would destroy his species and send the Alaskans back to fishing and killing strangers to Alaska for the rest of their days.
A large portion of what was left of the Alaskan population was killed of when Darth Lucas's S-Class bomber crashed landed in Alaska, while millions detonated or melted due to [ahem] an anatomical deficiency. (See section "Extinction")
Anakin Skywalker, also Annie, Ani, The Chosen One who Cries or Cry Me A River was a legendary, very tall whiny hippie Jedi. He is the biggest crybaby the Jetti, or "Jedi", have ever seen in 25,000 years. His emotions and tears run like a mighty river down his pudgy, scarred face. He was so whinny that he didn't have a father! His seven foot
mother monster, Shmi Skywalker, had relations with the Force or that one ugly Muun, Darth Plague the Hippie, who can use the Force to influence the Midi-chlorian sperm cells... too create life. George Lucas God first created Anakin Skywalker way, way back when at the dawn of time. At the time of the Prequels, Anakin was a young emotional little brat living with his momma in the sandy planet of Tatooine. He was found by Liam, er... Qui-Gon Jinn and brought back to the Jetti Temple to become a Jetti. Yoda was not impressed with young emotional Skywalker. Even the bald man sitting next to Yoda wasn't impressed by the little brat.
Arcades in the Star Wars Universe
Here on Earth, the damn cool planet, everyone is familiar with the "arcade", loaded up with the only video games the size of refrigerators that actually draw and audience (The Nintendo Skyscraper™, one of the first video game consoles that was smaller than an office building, is no longer popular). We all know them, and we all love them. But do the people in the Star Wars universe experience the same thrill of shaking machines, smacking green and red buttons loudly, and begging for quarters?
Of course they do, dumbass. What would ever make you ask that? Back in the Star Wars universe, all the "little ones", as the creeper Yoda calls them, practically throw away their life savings in credits there.
Ashoka Tano, Ahsoka, Faggot, Snip Snip, or better known as her true Togruta name No Soup-a With-a Buffet was a Padawan of Annie Skywalker (the first of about a dozen Padawans Skywalker will eventually be revealed to have taken, unless we miss our guess).
God George Lucas made Ashoka for that one kiddy show, which ruined Star Wars forever. Annie and Ashoka fought in that one war and did it many, many times. What a shame for Annie's sexy wife. Ultimately, Ashoka proved to be just another whinny horny bitch for Annie and became EVERYONE'S ENEMY. Fanboys, Fangirls, Goodwood, Mandalorians, every Star Wars fan all want to kill her…Especially, <insert name here>. Thankfully she died while still training under Annie, who vowed to raise her like what all dads tend to do with their snot nosed kids but instead, he went all evil and shit and decided butcher her on Byss… ah, for fun.
Bail Organa or Orgie, was hereditary royalty of Alderaan. He served as his planet's senator during the Old Republic. He was a dealer in stolen children, one of whom he adopted. Because of the Clone Wars, his stock portfolio was ruined; therefore he took a loan from Potter. However, he was unable to pay it back, so Potter repossessed his real-estate.
After his death, his seat in the Senate was filled by Senator Schroder, until his death at the hands of one of the Saved by the Bell cast-members. We'll let you decide who it was.
Bao-Dur was a Tech Specialist who single-handedly ended the Mandalorian Wars by activating the Mass PWN Generator. Years after, he joined the Exile in her unique quest and traveled around the Galaxy, only to be left on board of the Ebon Hawk by the player, because he was useless and lazy anyway. Or was he?
Blue Milk was a drink made from Albino Jawas, or more commonly dyed Jawas. It was a hallucinogenic drink, which, when taken, gave the drinker an in-mind adventure. Such adventures usually seemed highly dangerous and spectacular, with all sorts of amazing technology present.
CC-1138, whose official nickname was Bacara, but whose men unofficially nicknamed him Mascara, was a fashion-minded clone commando and one of the few transvestites in the Grand Army of the Republic. He led his troops into battle wearing a fabulous red miniskirt and asymmetric shoulder pad.
Chewbacca, the man-faced dog, was a Wookiee from Kashyyyk who, in his youth, killed Kyle Katarn multiple times on a daily routine. After a short career in acting he became a drug-dealer, pimp, shylock and hitman. After a long career as a freelance criminal, he was assimilated by the Borg. Karen Traviss and her son Derek J. Reda wrote a book about him called How to Win Friends and Influence Wookies and Lando Calrissian created a video game in his honor: Grand Theft Auto: Cloud City.
Chewbacca's mother was a mysterious female Wookiee who disappeared long ago, so long ago that some speculate she never existed in the first place. Chewbacca the Wookiee was a well-known personage in galactic history, and his father Attichitcuk, or "Itchy," embarrassed the world by indulging in holographic masturbation on a Christmas special, but meanwhile, where was Chewbacca's mother in all this? Itchy apparently lived in a household on Kashyyyk along with Chewbacca's long-suffering wife Malla and idiot son Lumpy. Could it be that Chewbacca had no mother? That he was conceived by the midi-chlorians out of some dollop of Itchy's Wookiee love-gunk?
Conversation:Mon Mothma's infamously racist speech
"Okay, guys, here we go."
"Senator Mon Mothma's big recruiting speech."
"You gave her the notes, right?"
"And she studied them on the way over?"
"Don't worry, she'll do great."
Dr. Cornelius Evazan was a chimpanzee with a really fracked-up face. Born to Ape-men in 40 BBY, he spent most of his life committing petty felonies, such as the time he took candy from a little little Ortolan baby, traumatizing it for life. Or when he sold his own dad into slavery for fifty credits. Or the time he rode a Bantha over a bunch of schoolkids. Or the day he got a bit drunk and got in a fight with Luke Skywalker and his his truancy officer. Anyways, he was one messed up monkey dude.
The Dark Woman, born An'ya Kuro and known to historians as Darth Gams, was a swell dame, a hot little Sheba, and wouldn't you know it, a Jedi! No, on the level, brudder, she was the real McCoy! Why, she could levitate a lightsaber or walk through a wall as quick as you could say Jack Robinson. And her gams? Why, she had a pair of sticks like God's own barge poles.
Darth-2 D2 was a Dark Droid of the Sith. He crowned himself Emperor after Darth Vader sent Palpy spelunking in the Death Stars shaft. He was outfitted with a recording of a sinister Darth Vader breathing sound. It was the only way he would ever communicate and It scared the crap out of his subordinates. Later in his career as a Sith Lord he managed a lemonade stand on Tatooine where he would sell Jawa juice, something he learned to do when studying ancient Sith Lore. He also PWND some MANDALORIANs as well as two of their leaders. And then he even had a sexual innuendo with a Basilisk War Droid. Later he became Sith-Master of his own apprentice which eventually led to an endless battle were it not for the intervention of the Kyle Katarn counterpart of droids.
Darth Animal was a raging madman from Kashyyyk. Born to a Mandalorian father and a Wookiee mother (which technically made him a Klingon), he was Darth Elmo's main enforcer because he Pwnd ultimate due to his unique heritage. His official Sesame Street title was Darth Elmo's Hand. He destroyed three planets before joining Sesame Street, impressing Darth Elmo so much that he was given the monicker Darth and a less subtle one. His main task in the Sesame Street organization was to utterly destroy anyone who would oppose his masters rule. he was in fact the last line of defense for Darth Elmo the Treacherous. Later in his career, he used Force disco in the horrible Twi'lek Purge, and afterwards escaping Darth Darth Binks's wrath using only his primal cunning. His end came when he "argued" with Kermit on who had the better lightsaber form (Darth Animal's Jar'Kai vs. Kermit's Ataru).
Darth Azula was from the TV show Avatar, until she chose to be a powerful Sith Lord, encouraged by her Career Counselor. She was often known for her powers of Force lightning, as well as Force humiliation, which she created. Her Force lightning was strong enough to destroy a whole planet, and her Force Humiliation often had many different effects. Her brother, Zuko, was known as the whiny pussy who couldn't handle one scar. Darth Azula was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, and she was often sent on missions because of how lethal she was (either that or the other Sith were too lazy to do anything but sit around on their lazy asses).
Darth Baker was the most dangerous (and only) Sith Mega-Super-Baker-Overlord ever. He was not the type who makes planets go kaboom. Instead he preferred to bake things that make planets kaboom. He was the maker of these Sith Lords, who waged war throughout the Galaxy. His first apprentices were Darth Slice and Darth Yeast, and many many more didst rise and bake in his vile oven.
His love of Frog Legs was legendary, and possibly brought on by a traumatic childhood experience with a rapist frog (a frog who rapes, not a person who rapes frogs). Many of these Frogs met their deaths in his kitchen. Even the aggressor in the earlier incident feared him. This, coupled with his love of Jawa Juice Sauce made him one of the most formidable Sith ever.
His fondness for the dark arts of cooking, however, would lead to his demise. The vile apprentices he would bake in his ovens would turn upon him, and kill him in the end. Darth Slice and Darth Yeast would become the most famous of these creations.
Darth Bane, born Dessel, also known as Goldust, Dustin Rhodes, Seven, Black Reign, and Ziggy Stardust, was a rugged individualist Sith with a penchant for gold skin-glitter and eye makeup. He created both the Rule of Two and the Rule of Stew.
He was born in 1026 BBY, which was a very dull time in the history of the Republic. In fact, Bane's arrival on the scene was just about the only interesting thing that happened that millennium. He was born to an abusive drunken father on Apatros and spent his youth among sweaty, well-muscled men slaving away in close quarters in the cortosis mine. It was an unconventional childhood, but at least he grew up okay. Oh, by the way, he killed his dad in a fit of rage using Force crush.
Darth Chef, born Jerome McElroy was a Sith Overlord and a member of the Intergalactic Guild of Evil Bakers. After a
pathetic tragic accident, he was found by some freaks and turned into a Darth Vader look-alike. Later, he was taught by a twisted baker with a funny accent at the Sith Academy of Culinary Arts. He was the founder of Darth Bar, owner of catering emporium in Mos Eisley and Sith Master of the enormous, infamous Darth Fat Guy. His reign of terror and lethal junk food ended after an epic duel (known also as The Epic Duel) with Darth Slice, Dark Lord of the Butter. He used a red lightspatula in battle and knew the dark arts of Sith cuisine. His most known specials were DarkLord-Burgers and Chocolate Salty Balls.
Darth Complainer also Darktor (Dr.) Complainer, was a whiny Sith Underlord. He even beat Anakin Skywalker (5-time defending champion) at the Intergalactic Whining Competition. I know, it shocked all of us once we heard. Complainer, in addition to being a huge whiner, was also the second most annoying Sith in the galaxy. The only Sith more annoying than him was Darth Annoying.
He was born on Tatooine, where he was abandoned by his parents because he whined too much. Luckily, some lazy Sith named Darth Lazy needed an apprentice and someone to do his laundry. Complainer was the perfect choice. Lazy and Complainer lived together for many years before their relationship soured and they ended up dueling. Defeating his master, Darth Complainer graduated from a Sith college with a degree in psychology, opening up a practice on Nabooboo. He later moved to Alderaan, but the hippies there rendered him insane and he now lives out the rest of his life on his homeworld, Tatooine, where he writes books and pursues his favorite hobby of complaining.
Darth Darth Binks
Darth Darth Binks was a Gungan Sith Mega-Super-Overlord during the Old Republic. A brilliant tactician, orator, and juggler, Lord Binks established the Rule of Poo under which the Dark Lords of the Sith flourished during the Great Binge and Purge. The Sith Empire founded by Binks outlasted even the Sith Empire of Darth Defatigable. He was the brother of the anemic Darth Plagueis.
Darth Dateline NBC
Darth Dateline NBC was an evil Sith Mega-Super-Overlord best known for hosting his own holo-program, "To Catch a Geek". Darth Dateline NBC, also known as Chris, came into existence when Darth Boner, a really perverted guy, began hitting on a group of younger women, hoping to have relations with them. Before Boner knew it, a deadly parasite burst out of his chest, instantly killing the man in a freak incident. Several days later, that parasite spawned into a man named Chris.
At first, Chris didn't know where to turn. But after being interviewed by several reporters, Chris found himself getting an offer to host his own holo-program, regularly busting people like his "father". Chris gladly accepted the offer and began his work hosting the holo-program, now named "To Catch a Geek". One of Chris's first jobs was to secretly penetrate the perverted Darth Fellatio's Sith forces and train **cough** under him, a task Chris gladly accepted. As he joined with the Sith, Chris began his training, something which he actually enjoyed. By the end of the training, Chris's "transformation" into Darth Dateline NBC was complete. During training, Chris was able to gain enough information to put an end to Darth Fellatio's empire. However, in an odd move, the man held the information back, preferring his title as Darth Dateline NBC over any other. It was at this point that Darth Dateline NBC knew he was never returning from the Sith.
Darth Ducky the Berserker was a rather unintelligent, yet vicious and fanatical four-armed Duck Sith Underlord. An apprentice of crime & Sith Lord Darth Daffy, he served well as an Underboss of his Master's crime syndicate, the Daffia. During a conflict between it and the other planet destruction team, the fearsome Sesame Street, he fought furiously with Puppet forces, alongside his insane colleague NegaDuck. After a duel with Darth Animal, which ended in a draw, his was killed together with Daffy when Darth Elmo's Sesame Street Frigate obliterated the planet of Duck'o Prime.
Darth Elmo was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord known for being more evil than any other being in the Galaxy. He was so evil, in fact, that his attempt to set up his own Galaxy-spanning Sith Empire failed only because he turned on himself, in what later Sith would enviously call "the ultimate act of treachery." He was most dangerous in that he could easily deceive others with that stupid grin on his face and then unleash a world of hurt on them. He specialized in the Tickle torture.
He was the head of the cruel organization known as Sesame Street, that specialized in destroying planets. Darth Elmo never trained an apprentice because he was too paranoid. He didn’t trust anyone, not even himself. He was trained in the ways of the Sith and the ways of the juicer by Darth Jawa, a Jawa Dark Lord of the Sith. Duh! Darth Elmo spent most of his life working for Darth Darth Binks, he destroyed many planets in his relatively short life.
Darth Emo was a clone of Darth Elmo created by the Jedi using DNA found at the Darth Elmo assassination attempt scene at the hands of Gunter to fight the Sith. Nicknamed "Emo" at creation by Obi-Wan Kenobi it seemed he was destined to be great, except for the fact that he wasn't destined to do much. At about 2 hours after his creation, Darth Emo was told by Jar Jar Binks that he looked funny and Darth Emo turned to the dark side because Jar Jar was friends with the Jedi (sort of; not really). A half an hour later Luke Skywalker said he was ugly and the worst Sith he ever saw. Little did Luke know was that he was about to cause Darth Emo's death. He didn't care, but still. Three hours after creation, Emo attempted to overdose on Lifesabers by swallowing fifteen packets at the same time including the wrapping because of his deep spiraling depression he was sent into by Luke. This caused nothing but massive flatulence killing several Jedi trying to stop him. When this didn't work, he remembered he had a lightsaber and stabbed himself, leaving a very large gash. Even that didn't work, so he shot himself in the head. Fortunately, that worked.
One of the greatest (in terms of eviltude) Sith of all time, Darth Evil was a woman. And not just any woman, the woman of your dreams, and mine, and everyone elses. She was a woman of such extreme hotness and passion that even someone as sexually ambiguous as Goldenrod would be completely overwhelmed by mad, umm... relational urges at the very sight of her. And that was her thing, she was smart, gorgeous and perfect in every way but she never put out. Not to anyone. Not ever. Such was the greatness of her evil.
Darth Fat Guy
Darth Fat Guy was a Super-Evil-Sith Mega-Super-Overlord during the Rise of the Pants Era. He was apprentice of Darth Chef and was the boss in the infamous Burrito Gauntlet. He killed thousands of skinny people with thousands of burritos and enchiladas and his specialized lightsaber. He then conquered a galaxy of 1 planet, which were home to the most obese people ever. He trained in the infamous restaurant Burrito King as a Sith apprentice, which would one day be the death place of Darth Bill, a brutal enemy of his. He was killed in Mustafar after a mission where he was ordered to collect lava so he could power his oven ended in magnificent failure.
Darth Fodesinbeed Annodue
Darth Annodue was a powerful Sith lord that ruled the slums of Tatooine with an iron first. He let the slave trade trickle in to planet as long as the Hutts supplied him with credits enough to live a happy life by himself.
Of course, if you believe all that, you deserve a Wookiee-Nookie. Darth Annodue was the single most annoying Sith Lord of all time, and wasn't even in the shadow of the great Darth Fodesinbeed, lord of the smuggling trade and PWNer of the Hutt crime lords.
Which side is true? Who knows. There are more contradictions in this story than there are dingle berries on a Bantha's ass.
Darth Hale, better known as Rosalie Hale, was a vampiric Sith
Lord Lady. She often feasted upon the blood of her fallen foes, referring to this practice as a "victory snack". At one point in her life, Darth Hale thought of herself as a "vegetarian vampire", in that she would include a side order of green beans to go with her victims' blood. After an unfortunate encounter with a blog amongst her veggies, she resorted to drinking the blood straight-up while laughing evilly. Darth Hale is (unfortunately) related to Darth Cullen.
Darth Main Page, also known as Darth Ipedia, was born to Default on August 10th, 2007 and was a Dark Lord of the Sith known for dedicating his entire life to studying, collecting, and organizing arcane bits of useless information. No one ever had the heart to tell him his sources weren't terribly trustworthy, except at the moment of his death at the hands of Darth Awesome. When he realized that all of his knowledge was complete lies, and that his life's work had been the greatest fallacy since Crystal Pepsi, he is said to have remarked, "Meh."
Darth Maul was one of the most fearsome Sith Lords of all time, or so you choose to believe. The truth is that Darth Maul was a total pussy unworthy to be called the "Dark Lord of the Sith." Yes I said it, Darth Maul, main antagonist of Episode I is a fraud, a total and complete fraud! A charlatan and a mountebank! No Sith be he, says I!
Why, you ask? How could someone with so much killer ink, someone so wickedly behorned, be a miserable failure? Scroll down and see for yourself, although it is a sad, sad story.
Darth Narwhal, sometimes known as Teh Jedi of teh sea wasn't a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, like some. Nor did he have the power to bake. Instead, Darth Narwhal was a Narwhal (more specifically the Jedi of the sea!), a breed more cruel than anything seen before in the galaxy, so cruel they would play their insistent bullshit all night long. Darth Narwhal utilized his own branch of "the ultimate act of treachery" by turning against his own Master, Obi Whal Kenobi, for the superior strength of Darth Narwhalpatine, who had the offer of Omega-three fish oil that Darth Narwhal just couldn't turn down. (Hell, could you?) His stupid grin and idiotic dance provided the perfect backdrop for his l33t stealth attack, which involved jabbing his uberl33t horn into the balls of anyone stupid enough to get in the way. Darth Narwhal spurned the idea of destroying planets, an idiot act that would eventually see his downfall at the hands of global warming.
Darth Pillsbury, also known as That Annoying White Puff! was quite possibly the most unspectacular Super-Megalomaniac-Overlord Sith Lord in history, often failing at the dumbest tasks the Sith gave him (such as getting publishing rights for his memoirs). Indeed, many even wonder how he managed to achieve the latter rank (although the scientific community continues to debate it until this day, as they have nothing better to do, the general explanation is "What the heck?! That's what we call dumb blind luck!"). He once tried to become a Jedi, but he failed, so he became a Sith instead (why they accepted him in their order is still unknown).
He was also the official mascot for Sith Happens Condom and Pregnancy Test Emporium. When Darth Elmo sent him on a suicide mission he was killed. The Sith never found out what went wrong, but they were all very surprised that a great Sith *cough* loser *cough* like Darth Pillsbury got killed during a suicide mission.
Darth Plagueis was a skinny bad guy Dark Lord, who liked to play God, but was unsuccessful at acting. His alien species was some kind of things called Muuns, but who cares about them anyways, they were anorexic losers (his true alien species was Gungan, as you will see). Darth Plagueis grew to be such a powerful Sith that he had destroyed at least 1,260,978,645 planets during his lifetime, he created the loser Anakin Skywalker out of some germs called midi-chlorians, which subsequently helped in creating the much cooler Darth Vader, he himself had a midi-chlorian count of 200,000,000,000, he could bend his body in many disturbing ways (including his famous Backbreak/Split Move), and he even stopped a book from being published that would have given all of his "well-guarded" secrets away to unsuspecting losers, possibly destroying them. That was the only kind act he ever did in his whole freakin' life. He lived during 1,782 BBY through 2 BBY (or is it 2 ABY through 23,947 BBY?). During one of his crazy parties where he got drunk (like he always did) and couldn't use his awesome Force powers, he was killed by his apprentice on accident (if indeed it was an "accident"), the much weaker but still awesome Palpatine, AKA Darth Sidious. Some shocking revelations were recorded in history about him from the biography he so "kindly" wrote (that few are priviliged enough to even glance at), which you are and will be reading about shortly.
Darth Psycho was a crazy Teek Sith Mega-Super-Overlord native to the planet Endor who lived some time after the death of Darth Sorrow. As a young 'un, he was a bit of a messer, and one day, along with his beloved friends, he traveled to the top of the ghost of a big mountain, which, as it transpired, had a bit of a personality. The Force ghost of Darth Sorrow then trained Psycho in the ways of the Sith, and over time, the little madman became extremely powerful.
He eventually killed a bunch of Ewoks, had a fight with Luke Skywalker, grew a second head, and became the Emperor. He was an extremely powerful individual, and did not hesitate to use unusual methods to defeat his many adversaries. In the end, he was remembered not as a hero, a savior or even a nice guy, but as a three-foot-high, hairy megalomaniac.
Darth Revan was an awesome not female Sith Lord with a mullet. He attracted thousands of fanboys all over the world, and pwned. He could do all the Force powers and all the Force forms and had a midi-chlorian count of infinity. He was a Jedi, then became a Sith, kicking ass with his Star Forge.
Then Revan's mind was wiped (like in Harry Potter!) and he was trained as a Jedi. He went around the galaxy gaining prestige, changing classes, yada yada yada. After a while, his girlfriend Bastila was kidnapped by a jealous Malak, angry that he couldn't get a girl despite being the Supreme Sith Lord. He trained her as his apprentice. After meeting hairy beasts, fish dudes (not the Mon Cal), a kool assassin droid who was full of magnificent quotes, a crying wimp and a crazy old guy, he made it back to the Star Forge.
After destroying it and winning back his Bastila, Revan left the galaxy to kick some Yuuzhan Vong butt. He never came back.
Darth Secret, also known as Darth Vader's secret apprentice, Satan and Darth He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named, was an Ultra-Uber-Badass Sith who was trained as Darth Vader's secret apprentice. He was also really awesome and kewl with a capital "K". He could totally use the Force to push Star Destroyers about the place without breaking a sweat. Yeah, he could totally whup Palpatine's prune ass. Blindfolded. And he could beat God at arm-wrestling…
...Nah, that's going too far. Occasionally, the apprentice had strange cravings for Alaskan Burritos and another look at Aayla Secura. Darth Secret feared only God and the Energizer Bunny and he claimed that he had some of God's powers, including the power to destroy your planet just by thinking about it. Darth Secret had tried to practice this without much progress. He was an avid fan of the Boston Red Sox, whom he claims inspired his uber-powerful lightsaber creation dubbed "killer". Additionally, Darth Secret "secretly" enjoys raisin muffins.
Darth Sorrow was a mountain Sith Mega-Super-Overlord. Emotionally unstable for a large portion of his life, Darth Sorrow was a master lightsaber user, and used Form VIII, also known as the way of the Ding-bat, drawing on his inner sadness to blast his adversaries to oblivion. With a midi-chlorian count of over 60,000,000, Darth Sorrow was one of the most powerful bad guys ever to rule the Galaxy.
However, he was not always evil. Born with a name unpronounceable to other species, Sorrow lived a happy youth on his native Endor, playing with Ewoks and Yuzzums. However, tragedy struck in 4 ABY, when the Empire decided to build a road through Sorrow's parents. Mount Sorrow was left familyless, and very, very, very sad.
He was trained by Darth Obviouson Endor, and after being forced to kill his master, he swore a vendetta against the Empire and the Force; the two things he felt we responsible for the death of his mentors. He traveled the Galaxy in an attempt to destroy them, incurring a wild adventure, where Sorrow killed a dysfunctional family, became the leader of a bunch of fishy things, fought with an insane, quadruple lightsaber wielding Gungan Sith, gatecrashed a New Year's Party, destroyed some planets, and died.
Darth Squidward was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord on the show SpongeBob Squarepants. He secretly hated SpongeBob and Patrick Star. He created the power known as Force melt, and he strongly enjoys killing, as well as cock-pulling. Darth Squidward has a huge nose and a dumbass voice, as well as a tendency to laugh weird. Darth Squidward has a small blaster hidden in his clarinet, so every time he plays it, it shoots someone. When Darth Squidward thinks about music, evil death rainbows of the Force shoot out of his head.
Darth Voldemort, also known as Lord Voldemort, My Lord, Master, The Dark Lord, Lord Montymort, Lord Moldyshorts, that creepy guy who likes stalking little kids, Lord Ugly Butt, The Real Senator Palpatine, The Real Chancellor Palpatine, and The Real Emperor Palpatine, was secretly named Thomas Andrew Curtis James Anderson Cooper Riddle Palpatine.....the third. He was (unsurprisingly) the younger twin brother of Frank Palpatine.
Thomas Andrew Curtis James Anderson Cooper Riddle Palpatine.....the third and his brother Frank were born on Nabooboo to Thomas Andrew Curtis James Anderson Cooper Riddle Palpatine.....the second and his wife Eleanor Lestrange. The brothers were taken away from their parents at an early age to a juvenile detention center. Kicked out of that, the two were sold to a crop farmer as slaves. Kicked out of that, Darth Plagueis found them and trained the twins in the ways of the Dark Side.
Hello. My name is Whitney and I am nine years-old and this is the story of my trip to meet Dave Filoni. It all started out like this:
Ahsoka Tano is my hero. She is everything I want to be when I grow up. Ahsoka is strong, smart and very pretty, and my teacher says I can be every one of those things as long as I get good grades and study hard. Ever since The Clone Wars came out, she has been my favorite character. My old favorite character was Padmé Amidala but I don't like her anymore ever since she couldn't stand up for herself against Darth Vader. My school counselor tells me that if anyone in my family tries to hurt me, that I should come tell her right away. Maybe if Padmé had a school counselor too, she would still be alive and Luke and Princess Leia would have a mom. I think that if Darth ever tried to hurt Ahsoka, she would report it to Master Yoda.
Dearth Ibn Motamid Nadir (also called Gonzo) was a fuzzy blue Sith Lord during the Mandalorian Wars. Born to a family of Whatevers, his mother died two months before he was born. She did leave a note, however, with his name on it. The fact that his mother died before he was even fully developed was a shocking blow to the little furball. His father abandoned him as a young child, meaning he had to care for himself. This drove him into the depths of madness, and he became a demented little blue servant of the Dark Side of the Force.
After his assumption of the title Dearth Nadir, his original identity as Gonzo was stolen by none other than Gonzo. Why Gonzo would steal Gonzo's identity is unknown, but he did it all the same. Dearth Nadir didn't care, because he was too busy trying to destroy planets.
Later in life he became obsessed with destroying planets, but all of his attempts ended with his death in one bizarre way or another. Many Sith were amazed that he could die and live so many times. This made him an icon among their ranks. He was also famous for his acrobatic flair, performing numerous life threating stunts which also ended in his death. He also was notable for his fetish for Chickens and odd costumes.
Destroy your planet
"I will destroy your planet" was a phrase commonly spoken by individuals who possessed much more firepower than was really logistically necessary, or by individuals who didn't, but wanted to impress people. It was a favorite phrase of Darth Vader in response to belligerent Rebel sympathizers. He would almost always back it up by going on to actually destroy their planet.
Diane Vader was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord who was the mother of the famous and awesome Darth Vader. Many fanboys, upon discovering that Darth Vader had a mom, went searching for her on the Internet. When they found Diane's picture they immediately had an intense desire to become Darth Vader's new stepfather. Back off, boys. She will Destroy your planet if you make any serious advances. Money, of course, is always welcome. So is dark chocolate. Preferably Italian, though Swiss works as well. Just no nuts, she hates nuts.
Drawkcab Boris Edward Travis Roger Yusav Arthur Lector H'trad later renamed Darth Judas was a minor Sith Underlord during the time of the Jedi Knight Jesus Christ. He was born on the planet Isreal to parents Steve Perry and Perry's creation Guri. His parents had high expectations for him until he failed out of pre-school. He was then sent to the Sith Academy where he trained with Darth Generic. But he pretty much sucked at that after he was found smoking Weed in an empty classroom with Generic. Angry his parents sent him to an old friend and Sith Overlord, Darth Awesome to be whipped in to shape. He was. Darth Awesome had a four inch thick whip, hurts like shit. He was then sent to kill Jedi Master Jesus Christ to redeem his pretty much pointless life so far.
Ewoks looked like cute little bears but were in fact vicious little creatures capable of devouring entire stormtrooper battalions. On the other hand, when they were not attempting to rip your guts out, they behaved like annoying little muppets that made you wish the stormtroopers won. Their homeworld, Endor, was relatively unknown to the rest of the galaxy until the Battle of Endor because the Ewoks ate everyone who discovered the planet. They had many enemies on their home planet, for some reason most creatures on Endor didn't like getting roasted alive and eaten by the Ewoks. But they also had several allies, like the Teek for example and the... Hmmm... Their only ally on the planet were the Teek.
Geonosians were the evolutionary result of a planet with no anteaters. A balanced ecology would have kept the Geonosian population down, but early in the primordial history of Geonosis, a rogue comet struck the moon, creating a massive debris field that destroyed 99 percent of the native species. The remaining mammal population was overwhelmed by the insect life. You know how they say only the cockroach will survive a nuclear holocaust? Well, the Geonosians are that cockroach. The ancestors of the modern Geonosians then took up residence in the trees of the planet, but within a couple million years, all the trees had succumbed to bug rot. The Geonosians evolved to the top of an all-insect food chain by moving to subterranean environments. Later they adapted by constructing huge hive colonies made out of a combination of gravel and their own spit and dung.
Great Jawa Revolt
The Great Jawa Revolt was a brief, fierce uprising in 17 ABY on the planet Tatooine, which was launched by the native Jawas. They lost. Based foremost in the former smuggling capital of Mos Eisley, its origins were the perceived economic grievances of the Ha'ap clan. At first, peaceful demonstrations outside government buildings were the rule, but when New Republic officials made the mistake of deploying Sand People gendarmes supplied by an allied tribe, ethnic rivalry became involved. The revolt itself was ignited by the events of what became known as "Bloody Twin Sunday", when a unit of gendarmes fired on protesters, killing ninety-seven Jawa children, and made Jawa juice from the remains. Outraged, the Ha'ap clan invoked Rule 19 of the Articles of Mutual Defense and Indiscriminate Slaughter (version 2.0), which required all Jawa clans to take up arms and indiscriminately slaughter any race that has attacked them, except krayt dragons (this was taken out due to more jawas dying from just one krayt dragon attack, which looked eerily like a game of pikmin, than were slaughtered in the first place, thus the revision).
Guri was the sexiest and deadliest Human Replica Droid ever created. She made many men (and some women, too) drool. She was owned by a Falleen named Xizor, who paid nine million credits for her (before taxes). After Luke Skywalker busted up Black Sun and Darth Vader utterly PWNed him, Guri escaped in a para-glider and had her traumatic memory erased. Then she lived for thousands of years and had lots of incredible sex with lots of people, and eventually she earned a soul, and then she died and went to heaven and met God and had lots of incredible sex with lots of angels and really cool dead people, and then she went and killed Satan and stopped all evil in the universe and made everything good and cool and sexy forever and ever!!! Sorry, sorry... sometimes I just get carried away thinking about Guri.
Made by some weird Halloween droid company or something, IG-88 was definitely most kick ass droid in that whole group of bounty hunters seen in the Star Wars movies. Sure, he had 4-LOM to compete with, but he was just a protocol droid gone bad. Seriously, you can't get any more gay than the protocol droids.
Armed with a cool, gun-looking thingy, a mind set of conquering the universe programmed in him, and a modified Trilon Aggressor assault fighter, IG-88 was one droid better left un-messed with.
Janice Nall... Janice, how could a name so ordinary, so common, be so beautiful, could resonate on the tongue, resonate in the ears? I didn't even think Janice was a Twi'lek name, it's a Human name, and yet Janice is so wonderfully exotic. Just hearing her speak Huttese in that gentle accent makes me dizzy. Hopefully, this article I'm writing about her on Darthipedia will be the definitive galactic reference for all things Janice Nall related. Someday I hope to introduce myself to her, and I know she'll be impressed with the research I've done, and all the work it took to compile all of her personal information into one convenient place. Dare I even hope it would bring a smile to her luscious green lips? A charming laugh? Just to hear her speak my name... oh, just once. Janice! Can't you see we were destined to meet? To be together!
Yes, It's out there, I said it. The Jedi Exile is Female and also a Hardcore Lesbian! Too bad Fanboys!! Fangirls, I'll now give you some time to dry your seat..........................................that should do it, let's continue.
Having enough of the Jedi preaching chastity and pacifism, the Jedi Exile soon enlisted in the ranks of Revan and his Jedi Crusaders to Kick some ass and score some booty during the Mandalorian Wars. She PWND massively and soon she held a high rank only answering to Revan and Malak themselves.
Jedi Exile (male)
The Jedi Exile was a manly male masculine man and an hero to many, many fanboys. So much of a hero that they would go so far for their hardcore belief that they vandalized the Jedi Exile article on Wookiepedia many, many times and turned the talk page of the Wookiepedia Jedi Exile's article into a war zone. To this day many deluded fools still believe the Exile is or should be male.
Jesus Christ, also known as the Nazarene, King of the Jews, and Lord thy God, was a Jedi Master and distant descendant of Qui-Gon Jinn. A member of the New Jedi Order from long after the Skywalker Epoch, the name of his birth was <insert name here>. A firm advocate of intervention beyond that of fighting the Dark Side, he preached that the Order should help the less fortunate, and that the rich of the galaxy should give all of their wealth to the poor.
At some point in his life, he was sent by the Order to help tame the Outer Rim. His ship, however, was sucked into a wormhole, which took him to the bass-ackwards planet of Earth. After several years of building up a following in the hopes of bringing tangible civilization, taking the name of Jesus Christ in the process, he was betrayed and crucified. With the Force as his ally, however, he was able to escape death. Soon afterward, he beat feet back to the Republic, asking the Jedi to send out scouts to watch and see what happened later.
<insert name here> was a talented polyglot, and could insult just about anyone in their native tongue, both before and after drinking them under the table, even though he was a peaceful person at heart. He was also very proficient in the use of mind tricks and using the Force to lift really big stuff.
Jesus Patrick Bach
Jesus Patrick Bach was born on Alderaan, one of two planets, the other being Tatooine, that all great heroes come from. He was a German musical prodigy from an early age, but he became a Jedi Knight. While on Corellia, where Superman was born, he and his Jedi Master were involved in a speeder accident, killing a pregnant wampa. This wampa's child, however, was spared. Her grandwampas named her Monica Lu Wampa, and she would later become a major influence in Jesus's life. Jesus was accused of murdering the wampa, but he was let go when the authorities realized no one cared about wampas.
Jon was a FLOOB who lived on FLOOB near the Jedi FLOOB with his FLOOB, FLOOB Jr. She was killed by a group of FLOOBdalorians due to her FLOOB against their assumed FLOOB, and, in his FLOOB, Jon demanded that the Jedi of Dantooine deliver FLOOB. Inadvertently, that FLOOB was delivered by the former Sith Lord Revan, who struck down the FLOOBdalorians in self defense during his FLOOB to become Zhar Lestin's FLOOB. Appeased, Jon returned to his FLOOB, and resumed work.
Gamemaster Justin Andrew Gann, Esq., M.D., also known as the silly panda, was not female despite what you've probably been told. In fact, Justin Gann was the incredibly talented and sexy male fan-fiction writer-cum-artist whose creative intellect and beautifully detailed artwork set him apart from the rest of the Star Wars Fanon wiki community as a true visionary of the Star Wars universe. Gamemaster Gann's passion and dedication to the subject — combined with his lavish re-imagining of the Star Wars series, featuring tales of swashbuckling Jedi and beautiful princesses — caught the eyes of many readers including Dave Filoni, who would later hire Justin as both the head writer and lead animator for the upcoming Star Wars series, Squishies, as well as fan-fiction overlord Brandon Rhea, who would eventually murder the young artist out of furious envy.
Though not much is known about Gamemaster Gann's life, much of it was used as the inspiration for his Star Wars Fanon wiki continuity, notably the Yoda character, leading historians to therefor interpret his lore into factual details of his tragic upbringing. Thanks to this information, we can now tell you with great certainty that his favorite species of animal was the Common Hippopotamus.
K'Kruhk's hat was a freakin' sweet hat. Let's get that out of the way first. Whatever hat you may own, may wish to own, may once have owned or may be owned and worn by the elderly lady next door on Thursday is nothing compared to K'Kruhk's hat. Do you hear me? Nothing. Born at the dawn of time, this creation was the first thing
George Lucas God ever envisioned, conceived and created for the galaxy. K'Kruhk was the man blessed with the awesomeness to retrieve this hat from an ancient tomb on the dark world of Malibu. In true worship of its amazing features, (which included lightsaber resistance and a free pair of woollen mittens upon purchase) K'Kruhk took it around the galaxy upon his head and various things happened in the story of the great hat.
Kaminoans cloned stuff like clone troopers. They lived on Kamino and saw things in higher spectrums of color than Humans, this meant they were considered very smart by some people. During the Great 20 Second Flood some of them drowned, others mutated into Aiwah and the rest of them just sat there and watched it all.
Not much is known about the Kaminoans because their planet was deleted from the Jedi Archives, later re-discovered and deleted from the archives again when the Kaminoans insulted Emperor Palpatine by killing some of his Imperial stormtroopers. All information in this article was gathered by Darthipedia. We managed to gather this information by interviewing clone troopers, some very hot Twi'lek ladies and two Kaminoans that left Kamino when people still knew where it was.
Karlessh, or, "Karl," as he was known by his friends, was a rebellious young male Gand living on Corellia. The offspring of Gand immigrants, he fell in with the wrong crowd and suitably became loud-mandibled, disrespectful, and a general antithesis of what one would normally expect of a Gand. He fostered a criminal record and has done time in prison twice. His second sentence involved an unpleasant encounter with a larger inmate, which finally scared him into turning his life around. After his release, Karlessh got his high school diploma and became a convenience store clerk.
Admiral Kendal Ozzel was as clumsy as he was stupid. (Sorry, COMPNOR insisted that be the first sentence of this article.) Actually, Ozzel was a Human male who rose rapidly in the ranks of the Galactic Republic Navy, at each level becoming such an inconvenience to those around him that rapid promotion somewhere else was the most expedient means of getting rid of him.
Kermit was the love-child of Yoda and Yaddle. As a Padawan, he left the Jedi Order because he couldn't understand his parents most of the time, as they would often speak backwards. He came across Darth Elmo who introduced him to the Dark Side and the art of destroying planets. Kermit joined Sesame Street for two days. However, he
failed to destroy a planet sucked at destroying planets, so he was kicked out of the group fled to Tatooine were he met Miss Piggy, the Gamorrean Queen. She seduced him and he fell for her because her gentle voice reminded him of his father. Kermit was later "tragically" killed by HK-47.
Kreia, a.k.a. The Hag, was a bipedal humanoid of unknown gender, but with just enough feminine characteristics to merit the pronoun "she". Through a failure of its oversight committee, she was taken into the Jedi Order, first as a lightsaber target, and later as a student. It was because of this that her gender was uncertain. She was knighted clumsily by a fellow Jedi with a vibropike, which caused the loss of an eye. She became a librarian, and trained Revan at the wishes of the Council, whose members hoped that the not-woman prodigy's power would be stunted as a result. During the Mandalorian Wars Kreia spent her time reading old issues of National Astrographic magazines. When Revan started the Jedi Civil War, the Jedi Council decided that she, having been his teacher, was a convenient scapegoat, and severed her from the Force. Furthermore, the operation was done without anesthetic... so it hurt... a lot. Kreia then became disillusioned with the Jedi, and left to learn the ancient Sith mysteries of PARANOIA. Eventually, she became a Sith Lord, although certain feminists such as Atris insisted she had, in fact, become a Sith Lady. Her new Sith buddies PWNed her, however, so she went to stalk the Jedi Exile, who killed her. No one attended her funeral for fear of the Evil Eye. Isn't that sad?
Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship
The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship, later known as the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing
Republic Imperial Gunship and Secret Apprentice One, was a gunship created by a group of Kaminoan scientists led by Taun Kiwi, Taun We's brother, and consisted of a normal gunship and five mutated Kaminoans. As the normal Kaminoans took the body parts of four mutated Kaminoans and put them into the gunship, they were put in places where the normal gunships had computers that needed to be operated by clones. As you might have guessed,... one of the five mutated Kaminoans wasn't cut to pieces and placed somewhere inside the ship. This last Kaminoan was very important... he was "spare parts" in case the parts of the other Kaminoans malfunctioned or got shot. After the clone Wars it became one of Darth Vader's secret apprentices and killed many Jedi.
Mandalore was the title given to the capo di tuti capi (and the ruti tuti freshen fruti) of all the Mandalorian clans. A Mandalorian who PWND utterly would be chosen by his brethren to become Mandalore if the former Mandalore was PWND himself or had died of old age. This was named The rule of PWN. If a new Mandalore was chosen, the clans gave him a monniker that was closely related to his behaviour since most Mandalorians couldn't count. The new Mandalore also had the right to make a new symbol for his banner under which all the Mandalorian clans would unite. If they wouldn't, he killed them.
Mandalorian Army knife
The Mandalorian Army knife was a portable instrument of death that was often employed by Mandalorians (and sometimes fanboys who wished they were Mandalorians). These knives were characterized by their "switchblade" arrangement; a single six-inch handle held a number of blades, tools, and other cringe-worthy implements that could be unfolded from their storage position and either displayed like some sort of sick trophy, or used for their intended purpose. Only one non-Mandalorian was ever definitely known to have both obtained and used one, the rock-star Jedi Jaina Solo. It is possible, but unconfirmed that Revan and the Lesbian Jedi Exile also came into possession these items.
The Mandalorian Wars was a series of multiple simultaneous wars which culminated in a titanic conflict between the Mandalorian clans and the Old Republic. So massive and so destructive was it, that no one remembered it four thousand years later. This in itself was due to the manner of education provided by Old Republic schools, namely very little. Of course, this could have been remedied if the Senate Department of Education had paid school teachers more... and reintroduced corporal punishment in grade schools.
As for the war, it was begun when Mandalore the Sufficient attacked the worlds of Dxun and Onderon. He won. Next he launched an invasion of the Republic through three sectors, and won, after which he decided he to invite the rest of his people to join him. Under him, the Mandalorians proceeded to butcher the Republic armed forces.
The war battered the Republic whose current generation of soldiers' one experience of combat had been against Neimoidians, which meant none at all. Knowing itself to be faced with PWNage of unprecedented scale, the Galactic Senate petitioned the Jedi Order for help. At the time of the petition, however, the Jedi Council had not finished its blue milk, or found its collective dentures for that matter, and so refused to listen. But one "Jedi", not part of the council, did listen: Revan. Intrigued at the idea of indiscriminate slaughter, he recruited nine-fifths of the Jedi and joined the fight.
Once under Revan's leadership, the Republic's armed forces began to butcher the Mandalorians. In response the Mandalorians butchered the Republic's armed forces still more. However, Revan out butchered both of them. Revan. Won. The. War.
Marcellus the Hutt
Marcellus the Hutt, or Sir Corpulent the Bloated as his childhood friends called him, was a fatso from the planet Fattyland. Marcellus started out as a simple Foot Locker employee, before he discovered his skills as a competitive eater. Soon, Marcellus won the World Eating Championship and became a corrupt crime lord.
Marn "The Gryph" Hierogryph, a.k.a., Baron Hieromarn, Remulus Horne, Professor Gryphomarn, Bulgryph Mandrake, Baron Hyro Margryph, D.W. Gryphith, Haute-Marne-la-Gryphée, Godmarn Gryphindor, Dexter Gryph, and Marndalore the Magryphicent, was the most devious, conniving con artist in the Galaxy, who grew to intergalactic infamy near the time of the Jedi Civil War. Together with his unwitting apprentice, Zayne Carrick, and the warrior-girl Jarael—who was unable to hide her growing desire for him—Gryph ran hundreds of notable scams, making him one of the richest beings in history. No figure in history has since equaled his wealth in terms of power, influence, bling, and ladies.
Miss Piggy, born Pigarela Porkington, was a Pig-Gamorrean hybrid from Gamorr. Outcast by society for being a hybrid, Piggy was left on the streets of Mos Eisley for many years. While on the streets, Miss Piggy went through many jobs including being a stripper at the cheap strip-club, "Swine Time: XXX". It was at this point where she met the wealthy Darth Paxil, who instantly fell in love with the hormonal hog and agreed to marry her. Instantly diving into the good life, Miss Piggy's fun came to an abrupt halt after Paxil died only fourteen minutes later due to some dysfunction, sending the pig into years of court being blamed for the murder of Paxil.
Several years later, Piggy's time in court had ended and the pig finally got the wealth she deserved, inheriting all of Paxil's fortunes including the title of Gamorrean Queen of Tatooine. She was also able to a meet a handsome young frog, as well by the name of Kermit. Fresh out of Sesame Street, young Kermit had escaped the wrath of Darth Elmo by traveling to Tatooine and incorrectly landing in a no-dock zone, forcing Piggy's guards to bring the frog in for trial. Miss Piggy couldn't get her hormones in check, soon falling in love with Kermit, beating the shit out of him and making him her love slave. Kermit found himself feeling the same attraction and the two hit it off. However, their love was not meant to be as Kermit's bodyguard, Gonzo was secretly in love with the queen, hiring the bloodthirsty HK-47 to brutally PWN Kermit not long after the frog and pig's marriage. Kermit became one with the Force as the Gamorrean Queen "killed" Kermit's bodyguard. Heartbroken, she turned to Darth Darth Binks to impregnate her, resulting in the conception of Piggy's one and only child, Piglet.
Mission Vao was a blue-skinned female Twi'lek who lived on the planet Taris during the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi Civil War, along with her walking carpet friend Zaalbar, and eventually leaving to accompany Revan on his adventures.
Yes, see Mission now, grown to voluptuous womanhood, newly returned to her childhood home of Taris. The curious city-goers turn and stare at this delectable creature, her perfect hips swaying back and forth to match her confident stride, her bright, inviting eyes cast wistfully to the sky, her moist lips pensive with melancholy remembrances. Oh, what fun she once had here, innocently scampering among the corridors of the Undercity. She crosses her arms, cradling her well-formed breasts as she stares at the Taris cityscape stretching out into the distance. Her elegant lekku, lovingly wrapped in traditional black ribbons, fall around her young, eager face like the sapphire tresses of a mermaid emerging from the waves to feel the sun warm her bare skin. My home, Taris, where I grew up, she thinks. Was I really once so young and innocent?
Monica Lu Wampa
Monica Lu Wampa. Just look at her. Look at her perfectly formed body, her beautiful features, that curvaceous, sensuous form of hers. It drives men to distraction, and I'm sure it's driving you to distraction. Hell, she's so fine, that even if you're a woman I'm sure you're wishing you were a man right now so that you had a chance of attracting this beauty from the wonderful ice world of Hoth. She was so beautiful that her own mother cast her out, because she knew she just couldn't keep up with the competition. Her father jumped into an ice floe, partly for the shits and giggles, partly because he didn't want all the publicity of being known as the father of such a beautiful Wampa. He didn't like publicity, see, and the damn paparazzi just don't respect that.
Hell, it was the paparazzi that meant ol' Mon soon became a Sith!
Monica had always liked the big, red, flashy lightsabres, the idea of power, the idea of working with so many confident, rich, powerful men. So, when she got bored of being on the front cover of all those magazines they sell on Hoth (which don't actually exist; did I mention she had massive hallucinatory problems?) she became a Sith. However, working as a Sith meant she had to spend time under a master, and she served under Palpatine. All well and good, you might say, but no! Monica Lu Wampa had an affair with
President Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, which suddenly made the whole galaxy go crazy. Partly because it was an unethical debasement of position. Partly because the people accusing didn't have the looks to get Mon.
NegaDuck was an utterly evil, Force-sensitive commander of the Daffia's Duck soldatos and an unofficial apprentice of Sith Lord Darth Daffy. He had been fighting fiercely in the Duck Wars, wielding the dreadful saw of doom, and emerged as the sole survivor of the Duck species.
NegaDuck was hatched to an unknown Duck family on the species homeworld, the Duck'o Prime. He had quickly become a thief, and as the years progressed, he gradually become infamous as one of the planet's worst robbers, murderers and terrorists. His infamy allowed him to be noticed by the Duck Sith Lord, Darth Daffy, who wanted to gather as many criminals as he can to create his Daffia's soldatos army. The crime lord sensed his latent Dark Side potential and promptly made him a Caporegime.
The New Mandalorians, also known as the Pussyfist Madndalorians, were a disgrace to the face of the Galaxy. Founded Seven hundred and thirty days before the start of the Galactic Empire, they were an unusual group of Mandalorians that actually hated fighting, and felt that the only logical way for the Mandalorian culture to move on was to preach peace and understanding. Of course, this was mainly because Mandalore the Pussyfist, a very feminine man, fell in love with a hippie.
Why don't you people fucking get it? Jedi and Mandalorians don't fucking mix. Its like sticking a fascist in the same room as a communist and thinking they'll talk about their feelings. No, dipshit, they're gonna try and kill each other. Eventually, the pussyfists were destroyed by the real Mandalorians and were soon forgotten by fanboys, fangirl's, fandalorians, and Karen Traviss alike
Sigh. Lets just move on, shall we?
Nien "Nonk" Nunb
Nien "Nonk" Nunb, sometimes referred to as Nien "Nonk" Noob or just Nonkin' Nien was a Molluskan Mollusk who flew a ship called the Aluminium Balkan that came close to destroying a planet. But, despite what Nonkin' Nien might tell you, the Death Star wasn't a real star. Real men blow up real planets with real "people" coming from them. And, to be fair, most of what Nien Noob claimed to have done was really done by Mr. Cool 'n' Smooth.
By all accounts, Nunby Nien was a bit of an ugly bastard. Whereas most people have frilly underwear, Nonk had a frilly face. With a big fat face, flappy bits of what we think is skin and big, piggy ears, his idiot hat completed the image of a Mollusk that really does look like an idiot. And, when he opens that mouth of his, he speaks a lot of unintelligible shit anyway. So we're not really missing much by ignoring this little guy altogether, really. Sadly, some people disagreed. One person even disagreed to Chewbacca's face, after Chewbacca told him to speak intelligible language. (Shh, don't tell Chewie Wookiee isn't all that intelligible.) Now, we all know not to argue with a Wookiee. But this idiot didn't.
Nimrod Anthill, temporarily known as Darth Duro, was some Jedi douche who once watched "2girls1cup" and was traumatized. Very little is known about his origin, although historians have speculated he was born in Egypt near the Mary Suez canal. He had a wife (LOLZ) and kid throughout the time he fought the Galactic Empire. He was also the only known wielder of the infamous Carrot Saber. He actually started out as a Fanboy, but after some Fandalorians gave him a "Wookiee-Cookie" he turned to the dark side and trained under the Wookiee-Nookie Monster. It is rumored that after they trained together, they either dueled to the death or had relations.
Olivia Orsina Joanna Paloma Maria Taverna Amidala Kenobi, or simply Olivia Kenobi, was a human female Sith Overlord. A strange girl with strange parents. You might have guessed it, but Olivia was the daughter of Obi-Wan Kenobi, the alcoholic Jedi, and Padmé Amidala, the totally hot yet stoned senator from Nabooboo. Yes, this wiki does post lots of wacky stuff, but I'm sure you weren't expecting this. It actually makes lots of sense once you think about it.
Piglet, sometimes referred to as Piglett, was the only son of Miss Piggy. Conceived via the Force by Darth Darth Binks upon the request of Piggy after her husband Kermit was brutally murdered by HK-47, Piglet's youth was difficult. After many years of closely watching over Piggy and her son, Darth Darth Binks killed the woman in an attempt to claim Piglet as his own and train him in the ways of the Force. Fortunately for Piglet, the boy was able to escape and live on his own within the cruel streets of Mos Eisley working as a pimp. At the age of ten, his ho ran off with another pimp and he was out of a job.
Seeking shelter in a nearby cave during a sandstorm, Piglet met his "father" Kermit one night, albeit a Force ghost. Convincing him he was the sacred Pig'ari, an ancient prophecy of a pig with amazing powers ending the pig slavery, Piglet joined forces with Kermit and agreed to be trained in the ways of the Force. This proved unfortunate for Kermit as Piglet also joined forces with Kermit's killer, HK-47, and killed the frog with his super-duper-ultra-amazing-super-duper-times-two weapon, the saw of doom.
The pig-droid combo would destroy countless planets with unparalleled carnage and bloodshed. Unfortunately, Piglet's only apprentice, Darth Donger, accidentally stabbed the pig, putting an end to his reign of terror.
A fallen power droid, Plunk was cast out from the ranks of the G*nkly when his pride and arrogance inspired him to sprout a second pair of legs and appear on the unholy Clone Wars animated TV series. Plunk hated G*nk, in turn, for his poor taste in Television (supposedly) and creating life in the galaxy.
Plunk was the original tempter of Katarn in the Garden of Beardin', thereby causing the formation of the splinter religion of Katarnism. Plunk and Plunkists are members or offshoots of the group "All that is Unholy," or Plunkism.
The story of Plunk is plagued in the history of the very fabric of the Universe, and one day, the destroyer will cometh once more, and only G*nk's chosen will be able to save us from total cataclysm.
On the plus side,G*nk's chosen one ain't gonna ask a chick twice his age if she's an angel, now is he?
REPUBLIC COMMANDO: TRIPLE ZERO
Rambo Calrissian was one of the many brothers of Lando Calrissian. Unlike his brothers, he was not born. Proof of this exists in that he destroyed a planet with his favorite teddy bear, something a normally born person cannot do. This has led some to suggest that he might be a God. Regardless, the boy grew up to be a violent, berserk gun lovin' son-of-a-bantha.
Claims of his Godship resulted in God hunting him down and showing him the light of Katarn. This brought the galaxy back to the one, the only, Kyle Katarn. Naturally Rambo died in the fighting against such a being.
He was also known to suffer from Vitiligo.
SWGames (the Star Wars Games Wiki) was a(nother) splinter wiki of Wookieepedia, formed after the third great schism. Founded by some hillbilly, SWGames came under new leadership in 2007(?), when the mighty Quinlanfan gave himself the title of Super-Overlord-Special-I-am-ze best!-God-of-all-wikis. Under his iron rule, there was all sorts of humorous vandalism. The sense of humorless admins (;)) were not amused. All sorts of shenanigans went on afterward, which included the murder of Quinlanfan and several others. Other notable users include Judge Fudge, El Dirty Sanchez, Testicles the Whore, Brentpowell (user of the month for two months in a row, woohoo (he was the only active user at the time)), Jakerl, BobafettG29, Brain40 (who has gone on to bigger and better things),
Cunterj, and Fell down the stairs Skyhawk.
Star Destroyers or Imperial Star Destroyers were Massive objects designed to be the main backbone of the Imperial fleet and unable to destroy stars and Destroy your planet . When Darth Vader realized they did not destroy stars he killed the creators; however, in terms of aesthetic value as a ship, he loved them, so he had a ton built. The Imperial Star Destroyer was the Symbol of the Empires ability to build thousands of huge ships that seemed to be able to get destroyed by a squadron of Rebel Alliance Fighters.
Star Wars Episode XIV: A New Galaxy
Star Wars Fanon Wiki
The Star Wars Fanon Wiki is a
Communist government wiki devoted to nonsense fan-fiction and fanon. It is basically Darthipedia, although far funnier (LIES UPON MORE LIES! - We WILL Destroy your planet.
On this wiki, you can find awesome stuff such as Iznicans, "Mary Sue" characters, and black English singers. Oh, and don't forget about gorgeous female Twi'leks which shoot rockets from their nipples. They are like Aayla Secura, although far hotter. The best writer on the site is known as Wikimaniac, for his maniacal-ness.
The bestest featured article of the site is Lightninny, who has about 1 zillion Force powers and has lived for 10,000 years, like any other Mary Sue. Lightninny is looked up to in the community, and is known as the best damn article in the entire site. The Decreasing Lords, the guys who vote on Featured Articles, voted the article as a Featured one about 6 times since the article is so great. Each time they up the standards for a Mary Sue Lightninny seems to have the upper hand and always knows what to write in.
Steve Perry was the writer of the highly-acclaimed novel, Shadows of the Empire. Or was he that awesome dude that sang "Don't Stop Believin'"? Anyway, Steve Perry was the writer of the highly-acclaimed novel, Shadows of the Empire and/or that awesome dude that sang "Don't Stop Believin'." The writer and/or singer was later replaced by a pale imitation who could not master the subtleties of Xizor's characterization, but actually sounded a lot like Steve Perry. If he's the first guy, he also brought us uber sexbot Guri. If he's the second guy, he scored with the uber sexbot Guri.
Later in his life, Perry turned to the Dark Side and became known as Darth Open-Arms. He attained his highest degree of popular and critical success during his Sith years, but succumbed to the usual temptations of fame, including drugs, booze, womanizing, gambling, tax evasion, and out-of-control novel writing.
Sylvana Zen was an extremely powahful Sith Mega-Super-Overlord and also a Sith Mega-Super-Hot Overlord, the only Sith to receive this title. Like all powerful Sith, she was trained under the totally awesome Darth Vader. Sylvana was a gorgeous (she made Guri seem like a Wookiee)Force-Sensitive human created by some geeky fanboy who is a frequent viewer of Darthipedia. Darth Vader won her in a duel and made her his apprentice, telling her that he was her "father". Over the years Sylvana did many tasks for her master, but when she found out that Vader was manipulating her, she attacked him. Defeated, Vader admitted that he was not her "father", but a lowly fanboy was. Enraged, she destroyed all the planets in the galaxy except for Tatooine (her home planet, obviously) in hopes of finding this fanboy. Finally she was forced to admit that this fanboy was probably on that legendary wet rock in the middle of nowhere and began her search. Sylvana then found her maker and continues to stalk him to this day. In fact, she's stalking him right now.
Taun Kiwi was a brilliant Kaminoan scientist and the brother of Taun We, he once made a Kaminoan Mutating Virus and a Lethal Jawa killing virus. This virus changed Kaminoans in to weird, half Kaminoan half computer, creatures. When he made it he had no idea what he was going to use it for. A few year later, when he first saw the Republic Gunships, he knew why he had made the virus... he was going to upgrade the Gunships using mutated Kaminoans. He removed most the computers from the Gunship, mutated five Kaminoans, cut them in pieces and put them in the Gunship. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was born.
The 250 Things that Dan the Stormtrooper is No Longer Allowed to Do In the Imperial Army
The 250 Things that Dan the Stormtrooper is No Longer Allowed to Do In the Imperial Army was a list compiled by Dan the Stormtrooper, after his term of enlistment with the Stormtrooper Corps was ended. It described a number of activities for which he was either reprimanded, punished, or just plain told not to do, during his time with the Palpatine's Imperial Army.
The Force was a mysterious tingling sensation felt by some people....like an orgasm without the sex. Other people got more of a mild electric shock, which made them go evil and destroy planets. They should not be blamed for this. It really is quite irritating. Honestly.
The Force comes in many different shapes. With it, you can zap, push, choke, penetrate, blast, pull, slash, throw, bash, crash, blow stuff up with, mash, and kill enemies by the dozen. But the Force isn't all fun and games. One must always be vigilant against the dark side. The dark side's like buying a hooker. Sure, you get your satisfaction, sure you can go home to your wife and kids in a good enough mood not to think about killing them. But it leaves you empty, something still seems to be missing. That thing that's missing.... it's a condom.
There is another
Luke sat numbly down by the small bed thing. It sort of resembled a sack of potatoes. He was crouched inside some small, crappy, dirty little hut that he despised. It was short, the ceilings were like a foot tall or something. I think he set a world record for most times someone has hit their head on a ceiling. Also, the food there tasted like crap. He hated it so much he just wanted to fly away and destroy the whole planet. Regardless if he hated it or not, he had to go in, because it was his "destiny". He hated his destiny, and the big fucking mess it got him in. "I hate my destiny, and the big fucking mess it has got me in," he mumbled quietly to himself.
Trak Nar was a not-quite-whole Rodian male who was one of the best bounty hunters of his species due to the simple expedient of not getting himself killed on his first few jobs. This made him the envy of certain other Rodians, most notably Greedo's surviving family. After the end of the Galactic Civil War, he began conducting hunting work across the galaxy, including within the New Republic and the Imperial Remnant, only accepting live-capture bounties due to his aversion to killing (something else which set him apart from other Rodians). Trak Nar stayed as far away as he could from anything having to do with the Sith, and most especially their more serious antics.
Visas Marr was a Miraluka from Katarr who survived the destruction of said planet and became a housekeeper for Darth Nihilus aboard the ravager. She cooked and cleaned for the entire crew which she subsequently killed some time later. In a career move she started to work for the competition and gave the Ebon Hawk a nice makeover. Later on she became a part of MANDALORIAN legend when she became Canderous Ordo's 47th wife. Her sarcophagus in the Mausoleum of the Mandalores is frequently visited by Mandalorian female's in order to find the inspiration and motivation to do their housewife related tasks.
Wilhelm McBumfluff was a unique Sith. Firstly, he was German. This means he was prone to starting ze wars for ze Vaterland. But, what was even more unique about him, was that he was a paperweight. Oh, yes, he was a very good paperweight. And, prior to Order 66 he advised Palpatine right from his desk. But his German-ness meant he had no humour ability, and so he was entirely unable to make clever, witty one-liners to his enemies shortly (and yes, he was short) before decapitating them. He'd have been better off if he were a shopping trolley. Do you know what the difference between a German and a shopping trolly is?
A shopping trolly has a mind of it's own.
An X-wing was a really cool starship. They also had wings! Shaped like Xs! Isn't that cool! They fucking PWNED TIEs! X-wings carried astromech droids, such as R2-D2. Many of the coolest people in the galaxy such as Wedge Antilles flew these fighters. X-wings even though were expensive the ragtag of Rebels seemed to always have these fighters and the skills to manage. These machines were the ultimate beast for PWNAGE in Space.
Yavin 4 was the fourth moon of the gas giant planet Yavin Prime. Covered almost entirely with dense jungles and shallow, bountiful seas, it had a little bit of something for everybody. From as far back as 5,000 BBY, Yavin 4 would be among a select group of planets and moons that everybody in the galaxy and their brother would want to either visit, conquer, liberate, or obliterate. Eventually it was gotten rid of, but no one in this galaxy actually had the balls to do it.
Zam Wesell was a shapeshifting female Clawdite bounty hunter who used her ability to assume any physical form she pleased to accomplish her goals... except in Attack of the Clones, when she completely forgot she could shapeshift and stayed stuck in the same form throughout an entire three-hour speeder chase. She also nursed quite a hefty crush on her fellow hunter and sometime employer/partner, Jango Fett.