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Mon Mothma's infamously racist speech
An infamous speech given by Senator Mon Mothma on the planet Agamar, to speak out against the Galactic Empire and boost the spirits of the Rebel Alliance. It did not have the effect the Senator intended.
"Okay, guys, here we go."
"Senator Mon Mothma's big recruiting speech."
"You gave her the notes, right?"
"And she studied them on the way over?"
"Don't worry, she'll do great."
"It's just that sometimes, you know, she goes off script."
"Don't worry. She knows what she's doing."
"You're sure you gave her the notes, right?"
"Beings of the galaxy unite! Shed the yoke of Imperial oppression!"
"Thank you for coming today. It is a pleasure to be once again on the beautiful planet of Agamar."
"You don't think that transition was a little sudden?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, 'shed the yoke of oppression!' and then right into 'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight'?"
"You wrote it that way?"
"My transition was a little smoother, but don't worry. She's doing fine."
"It wasn't always this way. We were at peace following the Clone Wars."
"You're sure you gave her the notes?"
"Guided by the Jedi Knights and the government of the Republic, war-weary citizens rebuilt their lives and restored their worlds."
"Her history's way off. The Jedi were wiped out at the end of the Clone Wars."
"Don't worry about it."
"But she's way off. The pundits will have a field day."
"We'll issue a press release. Hey, calm down. Don't worry."
"Into this situation came a young senator named Palpatine. I remember him."
"This is great. Palpatine's approval numbers are low. Anything negative we can shift his way is a great move."
"Well, how can you possibly go wrong criticizing Palpatine?"
"MAKE NO MISTAKE! This Palpatine was a Rodian in Ewok's clothing!"
"Okay, that was way off script!"
"You told me you gave her the notes! Don't worry, you said!"
"Okay, go ahead and worry, but don't panic. Look..."
"She just compared the entire Rodian race to a genocidal dictator!"
"Look, this isn't the end of the world. We'll issue a press release..."
"I'll get the Rodian Anti-Defamation League on the phone right now."
"His was a diabolical master plan, and he carried it out to perfection. The authority of the Senate was-"
Yo Mon Mothma, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best speeches of all time!. The best of all time! And her boobs are bigger than yours!
"-weakening at an alarming pace."
"See? She's getting back on track. Republic crumbling, corruption, and it all comes back to Palpatine."
"Who she just said is like a Rodian."
"We can fix this, no problem. How's the press release coming?"
"You want me to apologize to all Rodians or just explain what she really meant?"
"Um, we'll just say she meant that Ewoks and Rodians and all races suffered under Palpatine's brutal oppression, blah blah. This is nothing. Don't panic."
"Rodian Anti-Defamation League on line one."
"I need an antacid."
"Crime was on the increase everywhere. Did the Empire protect its citizens? No! Innocent citizens had their purses and wallets stolen all the time by Rodians!"
"Many worlds threatened secession. Others simply did as they wished while pretending loyalty... just like a devious Rodian!"
"Way off script."
"You said she read the notes!"
"Okay, forget the explanations. We'll just go right to the apology."
"I don't know. This guy from the Anti-Defamation League sounds pretty pissed."
"It is Palpatine's New Order that now stomps on your freedom with an iron boot."
"It's too late to salvage any of this, isn't it?"
"Is this going out live?"
"We are so screwed..."
"I knew we should've brought the holoprompter."
"The Empire seems unbeatable. I hear that often. Especially from cowardly, stinking Rodians."
"Okay, that was totally gratuitous."
"What's her problem?"
"Get on the phone to Bail Organa. Tell him to distance himself from the remarks."
"This is gonna be all over Imperial channels..."
"They cannot subdue us all. They have admitted it! Only fear keeps them in power. If we do not resist him, we are no better than a pack of Rodians!"
"We really should've let Garm Bel Iblis give this speech."
"Hang on. Oh. I found the notes. They were here in my pocket."
Note: Much of Mon Mothma's speech is taken verbatim from The Farlander Papers, written by Rusel DeMaria.